Maeve
SOS. Audra needs to get laid. She almost went home with Harold.
Jules
That would have been a most disappointing night.
Audra
How do you guys know who Harold is? How do you know it’s the same Harold? How does everyone seem to know this guy sucks in bed? What am I missing?
I was saying everything out loud to Maeve as I was texting.
Maeve
We live in Savannah Springs, and someone named Harold has the nickname two pump-chump. The chances of him being someone else are very, very low. The question remaining, however, is how did you NOT know?
Jules
He had a massive glow-up. I bet you’d remember who he was if you saw a yearbook photo of him circa junior year, but Harry was a grade above us. He’s totally hot now that he has gained muscles, a jawline, and great hair. When you were in the hospital, he briefly ran with us, which is probably why we have a better recollection of him.
Audra
Wait. HAROLD SKINTER?! Like bean pole SKINTER?! Ohmygod. How did he not know me?!
Maeve
Audra’s here at the office. This is what she looks like.
Maeve snapped a photo of me with my hand over my mouth and eyes as wide as saucers and sent it to the group.
Audra
You’re an asshole for that, Maeve. In my defense, he looks quite a bit different. But eek. I made out with Harold Skinter. FML.
Cora
Oh, I bet he knew exactly who you were and was purposely being shady by not disclosing that he did. Audra isn’t exactly a common name and it’s not like you look way different. I haven’t seen him, much less thought about him, in years, but I’m damn curious now. I’m totally going to creep on him to see what he looks like these days. Was the kiss good?
Audra
I mean, I was buzzed, but nothing about it screamed bad lay.
Jules
We don’t want mediocre sex, Audra. We want mind-blowing orgasms.
Audra
I don’t know. I can’t separate what I know now from what I can speculate. Now, I almost want to try it out so I can judge it.
Maeve
Normally, I say take one for the team, and science, and all that, but in this case … don’t.
Audra
Was this a nickname he got in high school and just never shook off? I mean, a teenage beanpole boy Harold might differ from square-jawed, muscle-man Harold. What a terrible nickname to have. Poor Harry.
