Yesterday, while passing by the sunroom, I saw Jo standing, gazing out the window with a half realized smile on her beautiful face, and my breath caught in my lungs. For the millionth time at least, I thought to myself I love this woman. I need this woman. My soul longs to be her safe space, to carry her hopes and dreams alongside my own until they become one.
After she kissed me goodbye and drove off, I paced every room of this house, consumed by my need for Jo as my wife, Abby properly as my daughter, and Jay as my son. Oh, and Smudge, of course. I can hardly wait to have our family under one roof together.
Now it’s morning, and I’ve just sent Jo agood morningtext. It seems I’ll have to adjust to texting, because seeing that she’s read mine each morning is the best way to start my day. Sitting at my kitchen table, coffee in hand, I’m mentally checking things offmy to-do list and going through my day when my gaze lands on the shoe box full of letters. I remember Jo telling me she was putting it here, but now a white envelope sits on top. Taking it in my hand, I read what’s written on the outside.
To Tyler:
Here’s one last letter. Xoxo
Carefully, I open the flap of the envelope and pull out the letter.
Tyler,
Words on a page are clumsy things, never fully able to encapsulate the vastness of an emotion. But here goes: I never said I love you. You gave me so many beautiful words the other day, and I kept mine locked up. Please know it’s not because I don’t feel them. It’s because I feel them so much.
I love you, Tyler. I love you so much it scares me. But I would rather be scared with you than safe without you. I knew that night I would never forget you, but now? Now, we are infinite, inevitable. Our story was written long before we knew it, like we would always end up exactly where we are. You are etched into the marrow of my bones, Tyler. Part of my soul. I love you wildly, desperately, so much so I think I could live and breathe Tyler Kent and be perfectly happy surviving on that alone. How could I ever doubt your commitmentto me and our kids? See how I said our? :) They’re both ours, my love. And you will be the best kind of father, Tyler. You already are.
Thank you for being the man you are. You are the kindest man, always putting others before yourself. But can you do something for me? Can you let me care for you in return? You take on too much, my love. Moving forward, we take care of each other. That’s the only way to be.
So this is me, placing my heart in your competent hands. Please be gentle with it, okay? I trust you will, because that’s the only way you know to be. You’ll care for it far better than I’ve been able to. It’s pretty battered and bruised from years of misuse, but I trust you’ll love it anyway.
I love you.
Forever,
Josie
P.S. And can we get this show on the road? I’m ready to sleep with you beside me each night. And all the orgasms. Yes, please. I’m ready for a lifetime of orgasms.
Chuckling to myself, I fold the letter and place it in the box with the others. We certainly can get this show on the road. If it was up to me, right now Jo would be my wife.
But my smile softens, lingering for a different reason altogether. Each word of this letter winds itself around my heart, becoming part of our present and our future. Jo has no idea whather trust means to me, absolutely no idea. This woman, who has fought tooth and nail to shield her heart from pain, just handed it over to me. Not by halves, but completely.
It starts in my throat, a tightness that won’t let up, accompanied by the burn that comes before the tears. Blinking hard, I press the heels of my hands into my eyes to quell the onslaught of emotion. Every ounce of patience, every quiet reassurance has all been worth it for this, to have Jo back in my life for good.
I’ve always known anything worth having is never easy, but always worth it, and she’s the worthiest thing I’ve ever known.
My phone lights up with Jo’s good morning response along with a picture of her, sleepy eyed, still in bed.
Your heart is forever safe with me.
Jo hearts the text, and I stand to start my day.
It’s the Friday of a long weekend, and Abby is staying two nights with Amelia. I begged Lisa to take Jay and Smudge for the night, which she happily agreed to. She and Greg treat my kids like family, and their dogs are obsessed with Smudge. The bell has just rung and I already have my bag packed to spend the night with Tyler at our new home.
Tyler and I need a night together after all that’s happened over the last couple weeks. A night full of complete and total debauchery, I hope. But also a night to be with him, just us.
He’s waiting on the porch when I arrive, and I practically sprint across the lawn and up the steps into his arms. I collide with him, and he encircles my waist, lifting me off the ground.
Yes, sir. Let’s not waste any more of our precious time. Enough has been lost already. On our way, my mind briefly clocks when he slides his shoes off at the door, and with one hand tugs mine off letting them fall beside his own.
Two pairs of shoes, together.
Tyler carries me up the stairs to his bedroom, but he doesn’t set me down right away. His mouth captures mine in a kiss that starts slow but quickly escalates until I’m a panting wanton mess.
“I think I hate the person who invented clothes.”
That is not what I expected him to say, and a laugh bursts from me, like uncorked champagne.
