He bent close to my ear. ‘You can call it what you like, Lady Olith, but you will see.’
I turned my face to meet his, trying not to let it betray me. His grip felt as though my arm might break. With an exhale, he let go.
?
Despite how I make it seem, I was truly terrified. I wanted to save Donada, of course, I did, but in that moment, I was no morethan a frightened child who wanted to run away and hide and that was exactly what I had intended to do, that was until I made enough noise to almost wake the dead.
Our chamber was in complete darkness when I arrived, with flickering torches that provided little illumination. Quiet as a mouse, I pushed open the door, feeling my way around the outside wall. My tunic and breeches were kept in a trunk beneath the shutters. In my fear, all I thought had to do was change and I could be gone into the night. No marriage. No Jarl. Only the woods. Just as I placed my hand out to reach for it, I stumbled over a shoe, clattering to the ground with a thump.
‘Olith,’ Bethóc said, ‘is that you?’
I held my breath and listened. Hoping that she would go back to sleep. Bethóc was the last person I wanted to see with her pale pious face and her righteous indignation.
She appeared sleepily in the doorway wearing her nightclothes. Her auburn curls stretched all the way to her waist. ‘What on earth are you doing at this ungodly hour?’
‘Why are you here and not Donada?’
‘After everything that happened, she chose to sleep in mother’s bedchamber.’
I could not hide my shock.
‘What are you doing, creeping around in the night?’
‘Nothing,’ I said, trying to clutch my torn tunic to my chest.
‘What do you have in your hand?’ She strained to see. ‘What is it?’
‘Nothing. I’ve told you.’ I tried to turn away.
‘Give it here,’ she said, snatching.
The fabric made a tearing noise as she ripped it from my hands. She looked at me. Then to the tunic. Then back to me. ‘What… what were you going to do?’
I shrugged, biting my bottom lip. I had begun to think that to flee could save us, that by the time they noticed I was gone,in all the confusion the Danes would have been angry, yes, but they would come to realise that it was not my father’s fault and that they could keep peace without needing one of my father’s daughters as a means of bribery. I was no more than a confused child, who did not yet understand the ways of the world.
‘Were you going to leave?’
‘Bethóc, I’m frightened,’ the words came out in a stutter and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to scream. To tell her that I could not go through with it. She could be his queen or lady or whatever they wanted to call themselves but looking into her eyes, I could only sit in silence.
‘Then why did you say you would marry him?’ she hissed. ‘Did you just want to ruin any chance Donada had of finding a husband?’
‘You know I was thinking of her.’ I whimpered back. ‘I could not see her wed that monster.’
‘Your problem is you never think, Olith. You never see how your actions affect everyone else.’
The darkness inside our chamber was made worse by the shutters, locked tight to keep out the damp. The space was so small it felt as though I was at the bottom of a cauldron.
‘You’ve heard the stories; over the years we’ve seen wives and daughters raped and our crops burned by Danes just like the Jarl’s. If father was any kind of man, he would have sent them away and kept us safe. That should be more important than securing peace, instead, it will fall to me.’
‘You are nothing more than a pretty thing to hang on his arm and pleasure him. To think you are anything else, you are only fooling yourself.’
‘Fooling myself?’
‘Do you really think this game of dressing up like a boy and playing in the woods is going to save you?’ she said, wavingthe shredded piece of fabric. ‘You are more half-witted than I thought.’
‘You knew?’ I blurted out. I had been so careful. Somehow, I just thought that no one had seen me, that none had recognised me. How had I been so naive?
‘We all knew. At first, we thought it was because you enjoyed the excitement of being with the falconer, but as time went on and you started selling your quarry, it became somewhat more of an embarrassment. Mother demanded that no one spoke of it.’
