‘You know how tight-lipped his men can be, and I am not privy to the council meetings. I don’t know what preparationsthey plan on making, but I know you are running out of time.’ He took another bite. ‘Ye ken we could leave this place?
‘Leave?’
What was he thinking? Leave.
‘Head north, Donada is fifteen now, old enough to fend for herself.’ He took another bite of bannock. ‘We could hunt and fish, make a living in our own way.’
Looking back now, I wonder how different my life would have been if I had taken him up on his offer. A simple life. With oxen to plough the field and children running about my skirts. Somewhere to grow old. At peace. Instead, I was headstrong and Elpin had two brothers and a sister to care for. Who would have filled their hungry bellies? What about Donada? Left alone with our cold, heartless mother.
‘I could never leave,’ I said. ‘No more than you could.’
‘You know he plans on pledging yer maidenhood to one of the warlords that threaten his borders, ye cannae stay unwed forever.’
My maidenhood? We both knew that was long gone, although he never spoke of it. He knew what the Kinsmen did. How could I have left Donada? With a mother who had slipped away until she was nothing but an empty shell. She could barely look after herself. What husband would have understood? I could never have left Donada. Not like that.
‘I dinna want children. I dinna want a husband,’ I snapped.
‘The longer we stay here, the less likely it is that the decision will still be yers ta make.’
I knew what they said about him behind his back. I heard them in the market, whispering like little sparrows. Penniless and tradeless. No man would wish their daughter to court him, let alone give him any kind of dowry, no matter how small. He came with a family that he already had to support. A responsibility I knew only too well.
We stood together in silence, staring out across my father’s land. We were guarded by the vastness of our hills and our firths. When the wind blew just right, I could smell the salt in the air. I could taste it. Something from far away.
Elpin stiffened.
In the distance, they navigated their ships along our shores. Wolves and serpents hardened against the darkening sky threatening to make land. I counted eight in total. Square sails furled.
Elpin shot me a warning glance.
‘What brings the Northmen?’ I said, fear nipping at my skin. ‘They are far from home.’
I foolishly believed they were the cause of all our troubles. That they were the reason my brother had died. They had burned their way across half of Alba, pulling the Scots out at the root, but it had been none of our concern until they had happened upon my mother’s sister. She had been raped and murdered for their pleasure. Just as they had at Iona all those years ago. It was grief that had torn my brother from the safety of my mother, much too early.
‘As welcome as a pustule on my arse.’ Elpin spat. ‘No doubt here for trade. I heard they were buying grain in Easter Ross only last week.’
‘The Laird King wouldn’t allow it this close to Bethóc’s wedding ceremony. Crinnin isn’t a man who makes dealings with the Danes. What if it’s a war party? Our men will be drunk and unarmed.’
We watched on as their dragon-headed ships sliced through the water.
‘I’ll go ahead and warn Johnne.’ Elpin made the sign of the cross. ‘Get yourself home before anyone notices you are missing.’ And before I could stop him, he disappeared through the thicket.
I rushed after him. Clambering down the embankment, brambles tearing at my skin. Back within the tree line, I could no longer see them, but I could feel them hunting our coastline. I cannot remember how I slipped through the Low Gate unnoticed by my father’s men. My legs burned. I could barely hear anything over the anxious clacks of Drest beneath his hood. We passed the smithy and his wooden outbuildings holding my father’s horses. I reached the back of the mews, where the rest of the falcons roosted. There was no sign of Elpin. I could only hope he had made it in time.
I held my breath and listened. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. From my hiding place, I could see a man stacking firewood between the mews blocking the entrance to my father’s hall. He was thin as a whip with greying hair, his face was obscured. I listened closely.
I could not risk being seen. I tried to skirt my way around, heart thumping against my chest. I pressed my back against the wood, trying to steady my nerves. I inched closer to the doorway, I had to return Drest to his perch before one of my sisters noticed I was missing.
Gingerly, I slipped my hand around the archway until my fingers touched something cold and solid. The perch. Drest’s weight shifted. Slowly, I released the leather strips from my grip and edged back to my hiding place. From there, I could see the walkway leading to our chambers. It was not so far away.
I listened again, twisting, trying to catch sight of the man, but I could only see his shadow dance against the firewood. Without another thought, I took off sprinting, hood pulled tight. I did not look back, feet skittering against the earth and only stopping to slam the door to my bed chamber closed.
A chill had settled in the room. In my haste to hunt, I had forgotten to feed the dying fire. The last of its embers glowed redand Angus our wolfhound had positioned himself to absorb its heat.
Breathing heavily, I cast my jerkin and breeches to the floor, my body slick with sweat. I padded quickly to the dress that had been laid out for me, I got it as far as my thighs before it stuck firmly to my damp skin. I twisted and pulled trying to make it conform. To this day, I still do not understand why we make our women wear such uncomfortable clothing.
It was then that the thought hit me. We had not hunted, and I would have no gift for Donada for the Beltane celebrations. I wanted her to have something special, something to mark the fact that although Bethóc would be gone, I would not leave her.
A knock came, urgent and angry.
