The priest tried to speak but was silenced with a shake of the Laird’s head and dismissed.
‘She is young, she doesn’t know the ways of men, the ways of war. It is not a bride you want to give him; you want to usurp him. To give you back what is rightfully yours.’
‘You’ve always shown that your allegiances lie elsewhere.’
My allegiances lay with God and my sisters, and I would not see one of them brought to her knees.
‘They are with you, Father.’
My father’s eyes studied me, long and hard. I held his gaze, unblinking. A look passed across his face. Disgust? Revulsion? I could not tell.
‘As you wish, Olith. You will meet with the Jarl, if he agrees, then and only then will I allow it. Darkness threatens our lands. The Northmen would corrupt our way of life. We have enemies to the north and enemies to the West. We need peace at our borders, we need the Northmen to fight alongside us.’
‘God will reward you, Laird King,’ said the priest. ‘Let Him guide her.’
It always struck me that God would reward men for handing over the bodies of their daughters to other men and yet, the women who knelt in prayer and sobbed at their fate were nothing more than grievous sinners. When would we be redeemed?
My father stared first at Donada and then at me, so long that I felt uncomfortable.
‘You will present yourself before Jarl Sigurd this evening, let us see which of my daughters he chooses,’ he said finally. ‘And Olith, the wedding will take place on Friday, the Northmen only marry on Frigga’s day.’
Then he smiled. The kind of smile that would not be misplaced on the Devil himself.
?
Twilight had fallen, dropping the stars into their places when I returned to our chambers. I pushed open the door to find Donada dressed in her travelling cloak, slick with rain and pacing the floor.
I should have known that she would be worried, but I had no fight left in me. In truth, I had taken my mare and rode out as far as the boundaries would allow. I had stared up at the sky and I had raged. Against God and that pious weakling of a priest. I bargained. Pleading for my sanctuary. Then, I had fallen to my knees on the sodden earth and turned my face skyward, like a flower reaching for the sun and I cried.
‘Where have you been until this hour?’ she snapped.
It sounded strange to my ear, hearing such motherly words come out of her mouth. It was I who should have scolded her, for ever agreeing to our father’s demands but I could only stumble over my words. ‘I… I…’
She looked at me with red-rimmed eyes and rubbed away tears with the heel of her palm. ‘That is all you have to say?’
I could not bring myself to look at her a second longer. I turned my face away toward the fire and mumbled, ‘You must leave. I must prepare to meet the Jarl.’
‘You cannot marry him.’ She tried to wrap her thin arms around me. ‘Please.’
How could I have done anything else? Who would have kept her safe?
‘Let go,’ I growled. ‘I will not discuss it further.’
I would not let her see me cry, not then. Even now, as we have grown old and we sit here, hands clasped together, gazing upon our grandchildren while they play in the long grass, thrashing each other with wooden swords, she will not see me weep for the lives that have been lost or for the life that we should have had. Tears are for the dead, not for the living.
‘How can you be so cruel?’
I swallowed hard. ‘You must go and get ready; father will not be pleased if we are late.’ I said, sidestepping her, going towards the trunk in the corner of the room that was lit by candles. I reached inside and began pulling at the tangle of fabric, keeping my back to Donada.
‘It should have been me who got to marry him, not you,’ she said with all the force of a petulant child. In that moment it felt as though the ground should open and swallow me whole. After all, I had done for her. All I had sacrificed to keep her safe.
I rounded on her. ‘You say it like it is some sort of a game? Like I have won a prize?’
‘Haven’t you? You will escape from all of this,’ she waved an arm. ‘But you will leave me here, with them.’
‘You are nothing but an ungrateful child,’ I snarled. ‘Staying here is the lesser of two evils. I am taking your place at the Devil’s side. It is a punishment. Do you not remember the night Naiton died? Have you been so quick to forget? Because I still wake up screaming.’
‘How could I ever forget? when you will not let me. Not a day goes by when you do not mention it. She has sought God’s forgiveness and yet her own daughter cannot forgive her?’
