Any other time the gesture would have annoyed me. In fact, I wouldn’t have allowed it. But right now, all I could do was say a silent prayer of thanks that Charlie was okay. I heard the door close, and then we were alone. Words filled my head, but I had no idea what to do with them. They all sounded stupid. Instead I reached out and gently touched his hand. The connection between us soothed my nerves, and my breath finally evened out.
Brown eyes fluttered open and Charlie glanced up at me. “Wow,” he whispered. “Must be getting the good drugs.”
“Why’s that?” I asked.
He gave me a sloppy grin. “For a minute I thought you were really here.”
I smiled. Loopy Charlie seemed so different from the man I’d met. But I had to admit, just as adorable. “I am,” I answered.
He tried to turn, presumably to get a better look, then winced. I drew my hand back, but he caught it and held it in his. “Don’t pull away, Matt. You always pull away. I wish you wouldn’t.”
Butterflies tickled my belly as he gave a warm smile. “Okay. How do you feel?”
“Like I went over a cliff and hit a tree.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “You did.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, I’m doing fine,” he said, giving me a goofy smile. “Even better since I know you’re really here.” He tugged my hand, causing me to lean forward. “Were you afraid when I didn’t show up?”
“Yes,” I whispered, my voice ragged. I squeezed his hand harder, then let it go. “I didn’t like it at all. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I left your place, and as I was headed back down the pass, a rabbit darted out in front of me. I swerved to avoid it, never thinking about the drop-off. I tried to turn away, but gravity is a bitch. As for my phone, I had it in my shirt pocket, so parts of it are probably embedded in my chest. I bought shirts with pockets because I thought they’d be handy for carrying things when I ran. I may need to think it through some more.”
I laughed and choked at the same time.
“Come here,” he said, raising his arm up a few inches.
There wasn’t even any hesitation. I needed proof he was okay, so I moved close. He wrapped his arm around me and gently pulled me into his embrace.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I told him.
“Just be gentle,” he replied. “Believe me, a hug is good medicine.”
It felt good to be held. I’d missed it so much. The discomfort still existed, but I pushed back against it as hard as I could. I wanted this more than I’d wanted anything in a long time. I was unable to hold back the tears, and they started to fall. Charlie rubbed my head while I cried. I tried to step back, but he curled his fingers in my hair and held me in place. My first instinct was to pull away, because this was too reminiscent of what my teacher had done. I couldn’t deny my heart was hammering, but it was Charlie, and he was hurt. I took a couple of deep breaths and did my best to keep calm. My need to comfort him overrode my need to break away. Just barely, but I was proud of myself.
“I need the hug,” he said. “I was afraid too.”
He lay there holding me close to him, my tears soaking his chest. I could hear his raspy breathing, but it told me he was alive and whole.
“You’re a very special man, Matt Bowers. I’m glad I got to meet you.”
My emotions were all over the grid. Giddy, angry, happy… all of them at the same time.
“What I am is messed up,” I admitted. “You don’t even want to know how hard it was for me to come here.” When I realized what I’d said, I stuttered, hoping to take it back. No need for him to know about my issues right now.
But he kissed my cheek. “I can imagine. And I’m honored you were able to make it.”
He didn’t tease, didn’t condemn. He just let me know my presence was welcome. But if he was going to welcome me, he should know what kind of person I am.
“You should know—”
“I know all I need to,” he interjected. “Right now, tell me something that makes you happy.”
Taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I tried to stand. This time he let me, but continued to hold my hand. “I read the first three books,” I said proudly.
“Get out! You so did not.” He grinned, and I was happy I was able to please him.
“I couldn’t put them down. They’re amazing. You have a true gift.”
