“Please tell me Teresa packed my long underwear.”
Teresa had, very grudgingly, sent a couple of boxes with some clothes, his books, a laptop computer, and a pair of crutches to use in the house. It took me some time to work them into the household, but I knew how important it was for him to have some of his own things here.
Fortunately he was able to get a signal on his phone, and he used it as what he called a tether to communicate with the outside world.
“How do you live without the Internet?” he’d asked one night over hearty vegetable soup and thick, crusty dinner bread dripping with butter.
“What do I need it for?” I countered, standing by the sink and rinsing out my bowl. “It’s a distraction I can’t afford. It would take time away from my….” I stopped talking because I realized I had said too much.
Charlie put his spoon down and reached for a roll. He slathered butter on it, dipped it in his soup, took a bite, then said, “From your schedule. I understand. I guess I never really thought of it that way. Without the net, I can’t check on my books or promote them. Hell, without the net opening the doors for me to discover writing, I wouldn’t even be an author.”
I cocked my head and thought about how much the world would miss out if Charlie’s voice was silenced. His writing was phenomenal and showed that gay characters weren’t caricatures or something to be used as a running gag. They were forceful, powerful, and always in control. Even when Tremaine let Lucien take care of him, he still retained his “fuck the world” attitude. They gave me hope, and to think they could be nothing but an idea in a young man’s head because he didn’t have a way to communicate with the outside world? It seemed so wrong.
I turned my head and looked at a spot on the floor. “I guess I never thought about it that way.”
He was up and hobbling toward me in an instant. “Hey, no! Stop that.”
But everything became clear to me in that moment. Charlie needed the outside world. I didn’t. I tossed my head, my hair flipping back. When he got to me, he reached to embrace me, I drew away.
“What are you doing, Matt?” He held his arms out. “Come here.”
Oh, I wanted to. The few times he’d encircled me in his arms it actually seemed like they held the world at bay. They silenced the voices in my head, the fear that had always accompanied my incessant thinking.
“I need to go finish my canning,” I replied softly, taking a few steps toward the kitchen.
“No! Come back!” he snarled, then lurched toward me, grunting in pain as he put weight on his leg. He went down, grabbing my shirt as he did. He dragged us both to the floor, him crying out as his leg twisted, and me in a state of panic because I’d caused him to be hurt.
I tried to scramble back, but he held tight. The thought of him in pain countermanded my fear of being held and unable to move. “Charlie!” I cried out.
“Okay, that hurt,” he groaned, letting go of me and lying back on the floor.
“What the hell did you do that for?” I shouted. “You could have been hurt.”
He chuckled and wrapped an arm over his ribs. “Oh, believe me, I was.”
I got up on my knees and crawled over to him. “Let me see,” I insisted as I tugged at his shirt. The skin over his ribs had turned a bright red, and I could see what looked to be a slight swelling. “I’m going to get some ice. Just stay here.”
As I got up, he called my name. I stopped and stared at him.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“What for?” I asked as I opened the freezer and pulled out some frozen vegetables. I hurried back to him, knelt by his side, and placed the bag against his skin. He hissed, and I withdrew my hand.
“Cold!” he whimpered.
“Still a baby,” I replied. “Hold this here.”
He turned a pleading gaze toward me. “Can you stay here and hold it?”
“Yeah, for a bit. Then I’ll get you a pain pill and put you to bed for a while.”
He muttered something I didn’t hear.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing important,” he assured me.
My knees started to ache, so I sat beside him, rubbing the bag slowly over his skin. After a few minutes, I pulled the bag away, got up, and put it back in the freezer. I returned to where he still lay, held out my hand, and helped him up. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and together we moved toward the bedroom. After I got him comfortable on the bed, I got a glass of water and two of his pills, and took them back to him.
