He can do this.
13
On the way to their next location, Graham has a bit of time to think about what they did. How Colton said exactly the right thing to get him in a better headspace. Coming twice was crucial to him feeling as good as he does now. He knows it.
What makes a bit less sense is why Colton made him keep going even when it hurt. Was that just for Colton? Or was it for Graham? When he thinks about what they did, that’s the moment that resonates, the words he can still hear in his head and the memory he’ll be jerking off to—Colton telling him to keep going, to endure andhurtfor him.
He shivers at the memory.
That’shis designation. The desire for pain that was spliced into him. It hurt but it felt like love. That was his Dominant taking care of him.
It’s strange. It hurt in the moment. He’d hated it and wanted it to stop, but as soon as it was done, a wave of relief and pleasure crashed down on him that was so perfect he knows he’d do it again and again. Endure anything for that relief. It’s a gift to feelthat good, to experience the low of the pain and the payoff of the pleasure.
And Colton is getting to know him. His Dominant is figuring out what he likes and doesn’t like. What Graham can take and endure. And Colton will be proud of him, want to be with him, hurt him, and use him for his own pleasure.
Which means he’s doubly rewarded. The pain and pleasure of the act being done upon him and then the acceptance and devotion of his Dominant.
He presses his hands over his face, unsure if he wants to laugh or cry he’s so lucky. He remembers with perfect clarity the sound of Colton’s voice and how it felt. He leans back against the wall and closes his eyes, wanting to replay the memory, live in those moments for as long as he can.
Younger than him, but it doesn’t matter. Colton’s dominance is real and tangible. If he stands before Colton, closes his eyes, it feels like he’s next to God. His mother would smack him for such blasphemy but it’s true. Church offered him nothing compared to Colton. Kissing his shoe, worshipping his form, praying for the man’s benevolence. Colton will be his religion now.
He needs more information about Colton’s designation so he can be good for him and give him the most pleasure. He wants to beof use. And his ego may be involved just a little bit. He wants to be the best submissive Colton has ever encountered.
Is that even possible?
And if he’s really being honest with himself, what he really wants is for Colton to lose his mind over him. He wants to see what a high designation means in reality. There are hints of it, and maybe this small exploration of pain was part of that. When he gets back home, he’s going to figure this all out.
And then he’s going to be happy. Colton is going to be happy, and maybe they’ll spend the rest of their days knowing they have each other.
Hell, that makes it sound easy.
Graham Knox can’t remember a single time in his life when anything has ever been easy.
His plansfor happiness and connection are blown to shit only a few hours later. He’d felt good for another hour, but now he is starting to falter. His skin can’t decide if it itches or aches, and he wishes Colton was pressed against him, wishes he had the man’s come on his skin to soothe him.
Designation is hormonal. Graham does a check on his levels and they’re not great. Immediately after talking to Colton he was doing pretty well. Now he’s back in a range that can cause mental instability. As long as the mission ends in the next few hours and nothing major happens, he’ll be fine.
He’s made it through worse.
In fact, this is closer to how he usually exists. Though it seems more painful now that he’s had a break from the misery.
“You don’t look like you’re doing too hot, Knox.” So says his partner as they break off into pairs to search the area. Graham’s hand shakes as he reaches for his backpack.
“We’re almost done, Jonah. Then we’re going home. I can make it.”
“Yes, sir.”
Jonah is new, submissive, and he’s just finished his military service. Private contractor pays better. At least, he assumes that’s why Jonah is now working for Whitestone.
They get a message to hold position and Graham takes the opportunity to get a snack, pop a few pills, and have a drink of electrolyte-filled water.
The new sub is watching him. “Rumor has it we’re getting a new Dom on the team. Your Dom, is that right?” Jonah asks, making conversation.
He’d ask how the fuck Jonah knows that, but he’s very pretty. He’s probably catnip for Doms, and they talk too much in the afterglow. Sometimes it seems like gossip is their real job.
“Looks like it.”
“And it’s Private Berringer to boot? Lucky you,” he says.
