Why is he crying?
“Graham, I don’t know what to do here. I don’t know if this is you dropping, or if you genuinely don’t… don’twantme now. If I push this and you really don’t want me… I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Colton’s hunched over. His fear and uncertainty make Graham want to be sick again. “Jonah was nothing, truly, but if—” He shoves his hands into his hair, paces away from him.
Colton opens the door, is talking to someone out there. “He’s upset. I—I don’t think I can help him.”
“It’s alright. Tell me what’s going on,” the doctor says. Graham recognizes her voice from all his trips to medical.
“Things have changed. I’m scared he doesn’t want this. I can’t get him through this if he doesn’twantme.”
“He’s agreed to be your submissive. He signed the request to be under your jurisdiction. Of course he wants this.”
“No! He’s hurt because of somethingIdid. He doesn’t agree now that he knows what I’ve done. He’s telling me to leave. How can I not honor that? I don’t know what the fuck to do!” he shouts. He’s panting.
“He is your submissive and he is in pain. Why don’t you start with the bench and implements then progress to anal sex. A slower start may help you two reconnect, and?—”
Colton’s voice is low and furious. “I’mnotgoing to tie him down to a goddamned bench and fuck him raw when I don’t know if he wants it. Rape is rape. If he doesn’t want it and I make that mistake… Fuck, I’d probably kill myself.”
“What the hell is going on?” Mack asks, joining the conversation.
Graham doesn’t bother to look at any of them. None of this concerns him. All it proves is that he is a terrible submissive that no Dominant wants. Colton doesn’t even want to hurt him, let alone fuck him. That’s how worthless he is.
“Oh good. Another perspective. Colton, do you know Mack Grange? He’s a Dominant who has known Graham for a few years. You’ll be working together in the future… probably,” the doctor says. “Colton had a very successful post-mission encounter with Graham, twice, and the papers have been signed. Graham is in a very severe drop and has reacted badly to his dominance. And we’re now at an impasse. But something has to be done immediately. I can take Graham to medical but legally he is yours,” the doctor says.
It should be the most perfect thing he’s ever heard. His Dominant is here and can use him. His Dominant will take care of him. Instead, it’s horrible.
Graham lets them talk, eager to drift away into the darkness.
15
Colton watches in shock as the doctor goes into the room to take Graham’s vitals. Are they going to take his submissive away from him? He was a mess the first time! He doesn’t know if he can do that again. What if he snaps and lashes out?
“You better restrain me if he’s going to be taken,” Colton says.
The Dominant—Mack—turns to look at him. “What happened?” he asks, and he’s so calm, radiating kindness and equanimity, that Colton answers.
“Graham didn’t want to see me. I thought he was just too far down, but he… he couldn’t get hard, and he was very emotional… He doesn’t want to see me anymore. He’s rejected me completely.”
Mack grimaces. “Look, I was there right after he spoke to Jonah. I don’t know what was said, but both of them tanked. You know Jonah. He’s a good subby boy and he’s easy. Goes down easy and he’s appealing. But a lot of subs don’t react well to him. Graham is no different. And to find out you’ve been with Jonah when Graham’s designation has always been…prickly,for lackof a better word, is hard. He’s insecure. He needs to know you want him. He’s got a high designation. You need to fuck him and make sure he knows he’s yours.”
Mack peers into the room, looking at Graham and the items scattered around. “What do you have in there? Is that lube? To jerk him off? Does he like that?”
“No, but…” He doesn’t even know what to say. Of course it was wrong. But the two times they’ve been together, Graham was resistant. He needed to be wooed and treated sweetly so he was willing to be vulnerable and accept Colton.
“What makes him come?”
“Pain,” Colton says. “Anal and worship.”
Mack shakes his head. “I get it. You’re new to each other. You haven’t found your dynamic yet. But he likes pain and he’s yours. He doesn’t need tender kisses and a lot of lube when he’s this fucked up. He needs to feel safe and known. Fuck him. Shove two fingers hard into him,dry,and see how he responds.”
Colton wants to believe him, but it’s too dangerous.
“No. I can’t risk it. If hereallydoesn’t want me, and it isn’t the drop but him changing his mind because of what I did with Jonah then he will hate me if I get involved. I’ll ruin any chance I have with him. Then it’s—fuck,I’msaying red. For him. For me. I don’t know what to do.Fuck!”
He hears the echo of his own voice and realizes how loud he was. His heart is pounding like he’s about to have a heart attack. He holds his hand out, watches it shake.
“Shit, he’s fucked up, too,” Mack murmurs, looking at the doctor, and Colton would probably punch him if he wasn’t so fucking heartbroken. The doctor takes out the monitor and pricks Graham’s finger. She has a look at the readings.
Graham is pale but with red patches along his cheeks, like he has a fever and the chills at once. His hair is matted with sweat,eyes closed tight in pain, and Colton would do anything to help him. If only he knew what that was.
