“What haven’t you done enough, baby?”
The question is difficult, but they’re going to have to talk about it at some point. “Been with someone who, um… who wanted me to get my needs met. My ex… It wasn’t about me. I wasa lotand satisfying him was the most important thing. I was too needy for him. He was the Dominant, and it should have been about him but it wasn’t.” Confusing memories want to rush to the surface, but Graham has no desire to let them. He doesn’t want to think about the past anymore. About his ex and how difficult it was.
“Anyway, he was the only one. When Hank and I broke up, I didn’t even know what I was anymore. Just that I was wrong and a disappointment. He’d hurt me,” Graham murmurs and has to take a breath as the past crystallizes in his mind. “But I couldn’t take the pain right, or… sometimes it wasn’t satisfying to him, or I just—” He swallows, isn’t even sure what to say. “It’s just been easier to be alone. At least then I’m only disappointing myself.”
“It happens a lot, Graham. Whenever a Dom and sub are mismatched, it’s always the submissive who feels the shame and failure of not doing it right. But it’s never that one-sided. From what I know about you, how you respond to pleasure and getting your needs met, it wasn’t just you. Hell, I can’t imagine it was your fault, at all. It sounds like a bad fit. How dominant was he?” Colton asks.
His voice is soft, expression open, and Graham can tell that Colton means what he’s saying. He isn’t scared off or thinking Graham is a total fuckup. He kisses Graham on the shoulder.
“We weren’t a good match,” Graham confesses. “We wanted to be. I tried really hard. I swear I did. He’d use me and be done, and I’d be… I’d be trying not to climb the walls I felt so unsettled and needy. Not just for sex but more.”
“He couldn’t satisfy your designation.”
Graham nods.
“You need too much to be with a low-designation Dominant. It’s like keeping a husky in an apartment.”
Graham laughs at the comparison. “Should I be offended?”
“I hope not. It’s illustrative not exact.” He cups Graham’s cock in his hand and squeezes.
Graham whimpers.
“Want to come in your sweet little hole again, baby,” Colton says, voice low with arousal.
“Yes, Sir. Please.” It’s a relief because his ex would fuck him and be done, ready to sleep. He’d roll over and conk out and Graham would lie there shaking with how unsatisfied he was. And then he’d spiral.
The truth is that Graham needs to be fucked hard and often. Needs to be swept away by his Dominant. It has to be difficult or he won’t get his needs met. But now there’s Colton and Colton is already hard again, is making plans for the things he wants to do to Graham, how he wants to fuck and hurt him. He’s trying to figure out what Graham can take and that feels right.
“Good. You’ll get used to how it should feel and the varying intensity when I’m inside you or playing with your ass. If it ever feels like it’s going wrong, just say red and we’ll check.”
He doesn’t like Colton saying that. The casual way he talks about Graham failing. Or how easy it would be to just take a break, like it’s interrupting a task instead of hothave to come in you nowsex.
“What if you need to come?” he asks carefully.
“I can come when we know you’re fine. I can come on your ass or on your face. There’s always a work-around, Graham. Some scenes will work better than others. It doesn’t matter.” His voice is gentle, the hand on his back soothing.
He blinks back tears. Can’t say how he feels except unsettled and emotional. Frustrated. Maybe even angry.
“What is it?”
“Later?” Graham tries.
Colton looks at him with a narrowed gaze, trying to work the problem out. Graham is asking questions, deflecting, not necessarily defiant but certainly not in a headspace that means he belongs to Colton. He’s no longer behaving like a good submissive.
What if he never feels like he belongs to anyone? What if he can’t be satisfied? Colton is the highest Dom they could find for him, and they looked through a goddamned database. Shouldn’t he be down all the time? Maybe Graham is just broken?
“No, I don’t think so. Right now, Graham….”
He’s suddenly dizzy and he drops his head for a moment. What is Colton saying? “You’re in my house and bent over my counter. I want to use you and I can’t do that until we’ve talked.”
Right now. Why the fuck did he sayright now?Like he’s assuming it will end or reminding Graham that this could all be temporary. What was the sentence before that? What did Colton mean?
He doesn’t know but something in his body or head does. Graham exhales hard and pushes himself up to standing. His subspace is gone. He’s returning to himself quickly. So quickly that in a minute he might think it never even happened at all. Which is exactly how things were in his old relationship. Why even pretend this will work?
“Whoa. That brought you right up,” Colton says, like Graham is an interesting experiment. “What was it, baby?”
“Right now. Why did you say that?”
