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‘But she thinks he can’t?’ Jude asked.
‘Apparently. But it seems to me that if he can run his department, organise his research and make a career as a semi-famous Oxford academic, then he is perfectly capable of arranging his own meals and remembering to take his pills.’
‘Pills?’
Rosa waved a hand. ‘A preventative measure. He has a heart condition—has had it for years—so he has to take a few tablets to keep it under control.’
‘And Anna makes sure he does?’
‘Well, yes. Because she’s St Anna and she wants to have everyone rely on her and say how wonderful she is.’
Jude tilted his head as he watched her, and Rosa looked away. She didn’t like that knowing look in his eye. ‘Do you really believe that?’
‘No,’ Rosa admitted, talking down to the bottom of the boat. ‘I don’t. But I think she’s got so used to controlling everyone and everything she doesn’t know how to stop. And I think Dad takes advantage of that. He likes having her to deal with all the boring things he doesn’t want to have to think about—like how food gets in the cupboard, or how the house gets clean. He likes having his pills waiting for him by his breakfast plate in the morning, so he can pretend they’re just vitamins and that he’s fine. He likes Anna looking after him because it means he doesn’t have to look after himself. You know, his cardiologist told him four years ago that if he changed his diet, exercised more and started cutting down his hours at work, he might be able to reduce the amount of medication he’s on. But he wouldn’t do it. Anna managed to sneak in some more healthy meals—although he still eats nothing but red meat and red wine when he dines at the college, I’m sure. And she bullies him into taking a walk now and then. But he won’t even talk about retiring.’
‘I’ve only known your father a week or so, but from playing Scrabble with him I can confirm that he is a very stubborn man.’ Jude shifted, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees as he looked at her. ‘So you were mad with Anna for letting your dad take advantage of her?’
‘Sort of.’ Rosa looked out over the water, back towards La Isla Marina, and thought of the real reason Anna hated her.
‘Something else happened,’ Jude guessed.
‘Yeah.’ Taking a deep breath, Rosa let herself remember that horrible night. ‘She’d been offered a visiting professorship at Harvard, just for the semester, starting the term after the funeral. She wanted to take it, of course, but she—’ She cut herself off.
‘She didn’t want to leave your dad alone,’ Jude said. Rosa nodded. ‘She asked you to stay with him?’
‘She said that if I was there to take care of him, she’d feel like she could go. And it just made me so mad—not that she wanted me to stay home, but that she was putting her whole life on hold for a man who just saw her as a combination of nursemaid, housekeeper, chef and occasional replacement for the wife who’d left him at college functions. He always said how proud he was of her career, but he was holding her back—by not taking responsibility for his own health and well-being.’
A niggling whisper in the back of her brain reminded Rosa that their father had been abandoned when Sancia left, too. That he’d been trying to cope, just as Anna had, just as she had. That he’d wanted to keep the family he had left close.
But that wasn’t enough of an excuse for stifling Anna’s whole life, was it?
‘What did you say?’
‘I told her that she should go anyway. That I couldn’t stay with him—let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have been any good at doing all the stuff Anna did for him, anyhow.’ Rosa knew her limitations. If she’d been forced to babysit her father for three months, one of them would have moved out within the first few days for sure. ‘But that she shouldn’t feel tied down by him. He’s a grown man, not her responsibility any more.’
‘She didn’t go to Harvard, did she?’
Rosa shook her head, deflating from her righteous indignation. ‘No. She stayed there and put her life on hold for him, like always. And I...’
‘Ran to the other side of the world to get away from me.’
‘Not just you,’ Rosa admitted, meeting his gaze for the first time since the conversation started. To her amazement, she saw understanding there, rather than judgement. ‘Like you said, it was an emotional time.’
‘It sounds it.’ Cautiously—he obviously wasn’t used to being on the water—Jude crossed the boat towards her, crouching in front of her and taking her hand. ‘I can understand why Anna would be mad and disappointed, but that doesn’t mean you were wrong. If anything, it seems to me like you were trying to help her.’
‘Not very well, it seems.’ She blinked, hard, to try and stop the prickling behind her eyes. She was not going to cry about this. Especially in front of Jude.
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Jude said, giving her a small smile. ‘I mean, it might have taken her a while, but she came here, didn’t she? She left Oxford to come and help out your mum.’
‘Dragging Dad after her for the good of his health,’ Rosa pointed out. ‘But maybe you’re right. It’s a start.’
And maybe Leo could be the next step for Anna. She should find out some more about him. Make sure he wasn’t just going to take over Anna’s life in their father’s place.
But for now... Rosa looked down at Jude. He had the same look Anna had sometimes—the tightness around the eyes and the tenseness of the shoulders that told her he was trying too hard for the wrong things. He’d never looked like that three years ago. Then he’d been all enthusiasm and excitement—and loose-limbed, bone-deep satisfaction in bed afterwards.
No. She wasn’t thinking about that. She was thinking as a friend, not an ex-lover.
And as a friend, she could see that Jude needed to cut loose a bit. Maybe she was the one who could help him lighten up.
‘You know, you’re far too pale for this place. Come on. Let’s go get tapas and wine and sit in the sunshine for a while.’
* * *
Cala del Mar was a perfect, sleepy seaside fishing village. Jude strolled along the seafront with Rosa at his side and wondered if he’d be happier somewhere like this, than in New York City. Rosa certainly seemed content enough—but he suspected that, like everything else in Rosa’s life, would only last until she got bored.
And he had promises to keep. Music to make. And Gareth’s memory to preserve, out there in the real world.
Fishing boats still bobbed out on the waves, under the slowly fading sunlight that sparkled and shone on the water. The air was warm around them and, for a moment, Jude could almost let himself believe that he was here with Rosa, celebrating their three-year anniversary or something—instead of as wary acquaintances working together on a celebrity wedding.
‘The place I wanted to show you is up here,’ Rosa said, leading him to a narrow flight of steep stone steps that wound up between the tiny painted cottages and shops into the heart of the village. The walls either side of the stairs were cold and damp, their location meaning they were permanently in shadow. Jude kept his gaze firmly on Rosa’s swaying plait as they climbed, refusing to look lower, or let him think about all the things this evening wasn’t.
It wasn’t a date, however it felt. It wasn’t even an opportunity. He’d learned that lesson too well the first time.
The tapas place Rosa led him to barely even qualified as a restaurant. It had two tables inside by the bar, and another three out on the balcony, looking out over the seafront. Rosa chatted happily in Spanish to the elderly man behind the bar, who welcomed her warmly, and moments later they were seated out at the best balcony table, olives, breads, oil, vinegar and a carafe of red wine between them.
Rosa filled up their glasses. ‘Doesn’t this feel better already?’
‘Much.’ It wasn’t a lie, not exactly. It did feel wonderful to be relaxing in the sunshine with a beautiful woman, wit
h good food and better wine. He just wished he could shake the feeling that it wasn’t enough, just being with Rosa this way, unable to take her in his arms and kiss her whenever he wanted.
But then...the story she’d told him about her argument with Anna still pulsed around his head. And he couldn’t help wondering, if she hadn’t argued with her sister, might Rosa have come back to him? Had she felt that returning to him, to the tour, to his life, would be the same as Anna sticking with their father’s life even though she wanted more?
It wouldn’t have made any difference, in the long run, he supposed. Rosa there was as distracting as Rosa gone; he still might have missed the signs with Gareth. It was his obsession that was to blame there, not Rosa.
But if the argument with Anna was why she had left...maybe he could convince her that things were different, now.
Jude leant back in his chair and watched Rosa watch the sea. He didn’t dream of for ever with her, not the way his younger self had. He knew she wasn’t a for ever kind of girl. Rosa would never stay in one place long enough to be tied down by love—she was too full of life, a free spirit. He wouldn’t want to contain her that way and make her unhappy.
And like it or not, his real life was waiting for him back in New York, once the furore over the book had died down. He’d go back to the band, to making music he loved, and doing all the things the label expected him to do to keep The Swifts in the public eye and their music selling.
But right now, while they were both here together...could there be a chance for something more between them? An island fling, perhaps, with none of the expectations and hopes he’d placed on them before.
