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Naked, Rosa stretched out on Jude’s bed and gazed back at him, watching as he created something entirely new, something just for her. After a few lines, he looked up and met her gaze, and suddenly it wasn’t her lack of clothes that made her feel exposed.
It was his eyes. The way he looked deep into the heart of her, the way no one else ever managed. She kept moving, kept talking, kept living, and no one ever kept up with her well enough to see the truth in her. But with Jude, she was frozen. Motionless. Naked—physically and emotionally.
He saw everything. And he sang it back to her.
Rosa wasn’t sure if that was terrifying or wonderful.
Maybe it was both.
The song came to an end, but Jude’s gaze didn’t leave hers. ‘That what you wanted?’
‘Yes,’ she said, even though she wasn’t sure she should have asked for it. ‘At least, the first part of what I wanted.’
‘Oh? What’s the second part?’ Jude asked, but she could tell from his smile that he already knew.
Still, she opened her arms to him to make it clear. ‘You. Here. Now.’
Jude put his guitar back in its case, closing it hurriedly. ‘I can do that.’
* * *
‘You know, we’re really, really good at that,’ Jude said, running his hands over the smooth expanses of Rosa’s skin, just because he could. For now, she was all his, here in his bed, in his arms. Like a song he never wanted to end.
‘We really are.’ Rosa twisted in his arms so she faced him, pressing a kiss against his chest.
He wanted to say it. Wanted to tell her that it didn’t have to end, that she didn’t have to run. That they could try a life together, for real, this time.
But he’d already said it all in his song. He’d poured his every emotion, every thought into that melody and those lyrics, sung his heart to her. She knew it all already. And if it didn’t change her mind, he still needed to be able to walk away with his heart intact.
So he said nothing.
‘Anna’s decided to stay on the island,’ Rosa said, suddenly, bringing Jude back to the here and now.
‘Really? Because of the baby?’
‘I guess.’
‘You sound confused.’ Was it just the idea of voluntarily staying on one sleepy island for ever that confused her? Or was there something more to this?
‘No... I get it. I think.’ Rosa sighed, and pulled away, sitting up and tugging the sheet up over her body, which Jude thought was a crying shame. ‘No, I don’t. As long as I can remember, Anna wanted to be an academic like Dad, living in Oxford, researching, writing her books and teaching her students. And now...she’s changing her whole life.’
‘Love makes us do strange things.’ Jude’s throat felt tight as he said it.
Rosa gave him a strange look. ‘Leo’s not staying with her.’
‘I meant the love of her baby,’ Jude explained. ‘Although...she’s heartbroken, remember. She probably imagined a whole future with Leo and now she’s reassessing. She’s finding a new future for a new her.’
‘You sound like you know what she’s going through,’ Rosa said, curiously. ‘Who did you love?’
‘You.’ He’d said it before he even realised he was going to. The horror in Rosa’s eyes made it clear he had to take it back, though. And fast. ‘Once, anyway. I mean, when you left last time. But that was a long time ago now.’ He kept his voice as casual as he could, a careful eye on Rosa’s face to watch the shock and fear subsiding.
‘Yes. A long time ago.’ Something flashed across her face though, something deeper than the horror.
‘What?’ Sitting up, he pulled her close again, needing her touch. ‘What is it?’
‘When I left... I did it badly, I know that.’
‘It was a long time ago, Rosa. It doesn’t matter now.’ Even if she’d stayed, what would it have changed, really? Gareth would still have died, that much he realised now, seeing her again. She’d given him some peace with that, at least. But if she’d come back, how long would it have lasted? Another month? A year, if he was lucky? The axe would have fallen sooner or later, and later would have only hurt more.
‘But that’s the thing—it does.’ She looked up into his eyes. ‘I need to explain.’
‘You already have,’ Jude pointed out. ‘You told me exactly why you left.’ And to be honest, he wasn’t sure he could hear it again—listen to her say how little he’d meant to her that she moved on without a backward glance, just because she didn’t like to stay in one place too long.
‘I didn’t tell you everything.’
Her quiet words stopped his brain in its tracks. Leaning back against the pillows, he pulled her down with him, holding her tight against his shoulder. ‘Tell me now?’ He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it, but he knew he needed to know it.
Rosa nodded, her hair brushing his skin. And Jude waited to hear the truth.
‘When I left, for my abuelo’s funeral... I planned to come back. I was going to come back to you.’
It was as if the world starting falling into place. As a discordant tune became a melody as the right notes were played instead.
He’d known it wasn’t right. Known there was something wrong about her leaving like that. Their connection had been too strong for her to sever it so thoughtlessly.
Yes, he’d known that Rosa wouldn’t stay for ever. She wasn’t the sort of woman to settle down, and he’d accepted that. But he’d expected more from her than for her to just drop out of his life—that was the part that had haunted him for the past three years.
And now, it seemed, he was about to learn the truth about why.
‘Why didn’t you?’ he asked, dreading and needing the answer in equal measure.
‘Because I was scared,’ Rosa admitted. ‘What I felt for you...it was all-encompassing, and it scared me. When I was with you, I couldn’t think about anything else. Couldn’t remember who I was, what I wanted out of life. I was afraid that if I came back to you I wouldn’t be able to leave again, and I knew I needed to, if I wanted to follow my dreams. And then—’ She broke off.
‘What?’ He needed it all. Every detail. Even as his body buzzed with the knowledge that it wasn’t just him. She’d felt it, too.
Whether she admitted it or not, Rosa had loved him, too. And it still hadn’t been enough for her to stay.
‘I was late. My body...all the stress of the funeral, and the fight with Anna, I guess it got to it. I was two weeks late and I thought...’
‘You thought you were pregnant.’ For a moment, the image of a tiny little girl with Rosa’s dark eyes and hair flashed through his head. There’s no chance, this time. That was what she’d said, when he’d asked if they needed to be concerned. And this was what she’d meant.
How could he not have seen that?
‘I wasn’t,’ Rosa said, quickly dispelling the image. ‘But the thought that I could have been... I realised how careless we’d been. How when I was with you I set aside everything I wanted for myself, every dream I had, every promise I’d made to myself that I wouldn’t get tied down to a life of someone else’s choosing, like Mama and Anna did. I forgot everything that made me Rosa, and that terrified me. So I ran.’
The worst part was, it all made perfect sense, in a Rosa sort of way. Of course she had run.
‘I wish you’d been able to tell me, back then.’ Jude’s head was still spinning, imagining a world in which she might have done.
How could things have been different? Was there any way this could have ended differently?
Knowing Rosa, and knowing himself, he suspected not.
He’d been chasing fame, and she’d been chasing freedom. They couldn’t have done that together, not really. He could never have asked Rosa to chase his dreams with him instead of hers, and she could never have asked him to abandon his, either. Espe
cially not after Gareth died, and he had two people’s dreams to chase already.
The worst part was, nothing had changed. They were the same people they’d been three years ago.
There was still only one way this could all end.
