“Ladies, you may have noticed that you each have a conch shell with your name on it. Now is the time when you will give your shell to the man you have been matched with, or, if you prefer, with another man, asking him if he will accept your offering.”
“Cut!” Rob shouts. “Great work everyone! Let's get reset for the ceremony real quick. Women grab your shells, and let's lose the throne. Where’s the robot?”
“Already on it!” Rory waves the controls for Cupidbot, who is rolling out onto the set playing the show’s theme song.
“Ugh, I hate that song so much,” Jackson says, plugging his ears.
When the robot spins around, I notice he is no longer brandishing the AI Swiper label across his digital butt.
“You got them to remove the brand name?” I ask. “How’d you do that?”
“I made that call,” Jackson says. “They’ll photoshop the new name in after.”
“Which is? I ask.
“Let me know if you have any ideas.”
Lacey and Chloe stand to retrieve their shells, but Marco grabs for Paula’s. “Let me help you, Bella,” he says.
* * *
“We’re rolling again!”Rob calls out.
“Welcome back, Friends,” Macro smiles. “It is now time for the Shell Ceremony. These special conch shells have been harvested, cleaned, blessed, and painted by local craftspeople.” Marco holds Paula’s shell up for the camera, angling it so the camera can see the detailed painting of the sunset sky and Paula’s name on the side.
The camera zooms in on Marco, caressing the shell, which he now holds to his cheek.
“By sharing and blowing on the shells, we are creating a sacred and intimate space for love to bloom.
“Paula, you will go first,” Marco says, gently placing the shell in her hands. “The algorithm has made a selection for you. You must now make a decision. Will you choose to stay and pursue that recommendation, or will you choose someone else? Cupidbot, will you tell us who Paula has matched with?”
The robot rolls to Marco’s side, blinking and beeping as images of all three men flash on the screen. Finally, it stops on Owen.
“Lucky Owen,” Marco says, “He has matched with you, Bella Paula. What will you do?” Marco grasps her hand and Paula stands. She holds the shell aloft.
“Owen, I know we barely know each other, but if the algorithm says we are a match, I think we deserve to at least give this thing a try. Let’s make the most of the rest of our time here together. What do you think? Will you accept my shell?”
“Sure, why not,“ Owen smiles and walks over to take the shell from her hands. “Paula, I accept this shell and want to send the message back. Do you hear my call?” He lifts the shell to his lips, and then he blows. Or rather he tries to. The sound that comes out sounds a lot like the air being let out of a wet balloon.
“Did anyone think to have these men practice blowing conch shells?” I whisper to Jackson.
“It’s not that easy,” Jackson acknowledges. “I had one as a kid, and I spent ages making fart sounds on that thing before I could get it to sound halfway decent.”
“Maybe you need to show them how it’s done,” I suggest.
Jackson just shakes his head at me.
We both watch as Owen tries again, cheeks puffing out and face growing red. It sounds even worse.
“Keep rolling! We’ll fix it in post,” Rob shouts.
Owen takes a seat next to Paula, and Marco moves on to Lacey.
“Lacey, you have a tough choice to make,” Marco gestures for her to join him with her shell at the center of the horseshoe ring. “It seems like you have two men fighting for you. Which one will you choose?”
“I don’t know. What does that thing say I should do?” Lacey asks. Everyone watches the animation on Cupidbot’s head flip back and forth between Ryker and Darwin, eventually stopping on a picture of Ryker. Darwin looks incredibly dejected when he sees this. But he forces himself to keep his chin up when Ryker grasps his hand. The two men lock arms, biceps bulging as they await Lacey’s verdict.
Everything else pauses while the cameramen shoot several long takes of Lacey gazing at Darwin and Ryker, who are both standing tensely, hopefully staring back at her. She appears to be agonizing over the decision. The camera zooms in as her eyes fill with tears and she dramatically fans her face.
