Chapter24
Burnside Porter’s Famous Lecture
“This isn’t the Mudpuddle,” Will exclaimed as they crashed through the screen and onto the stage of the darkened theater.
“Where are we?” Zani exclaimed, still clinging to Will’s back. “When are we?”
“Settle down.” Burnside removed his cloak and shook it out. “Remind me how I reset this thing? It’s 1978, and we’re in Baltimore. Welcome to the Charles Theater.”
“Pardon?” Zani jumped down and snatched the cape from Burnside. She looked livid. “What the flaming fewmets are we doing here? I thought you were taking us home.”
“I will. Just had to make a quick pit stop first. I’m starving. Is anyone else hungry?” Burnside asked.
“I could eat…” Will admitted. He didn’t want to make a scene, but even though he’d eaten both sandwiches in the 17th century, his tank was already approaching empty again. Time travel was far more depleting than regular porting.
“There’s a place not far from here—Gampy’s. We can port right through to the kitchen. They make the most amazing Monte Christo sandwiches.”
“It’s worth the trip back here just for that, isn’t it, old man?” A voice rang out from the booth up above.
“It sure is!” Burnside gave a wave to his younger self. “I forget what’s playing tonight. Anything good?”
“It’s a double feature,” the younger Burnside said. “Spies and spaceships, nothing like the movies we used to make back in the day.”
“Well, that’s what happens when you try to substitute ‘technology’ for magic, right?” Older Burnside waved. “Thanks for letting us use the theater. We’d best be off now.”
“It’s technically your theater, too. And thanks for getting me out of that lecture.” The younger Burnside grinned. “I really did not know what I was going to say. I’ve been so busy with this place. I think the patrons really appreciate the fact that we use real butter on the popcorn.”
“It’s the little things,” older Burnside shouted. “Keep up the good work!” He turned back to Will and Zani, speaking more quietly from the corner of his mouth like a ventriloquist. “Not sure I should thank myself for doing that lecture. Feels pretty weird. I’m about to get banned from the entire Ordinary speaking circuit with this one.”
And with this, he opened another portal. “Come on, kids.” Burnside smiled. “I promise this will be worth your while. We’ll stop and have some lunch. I’ll do my infamous lecture and have you both home by suppertime.”
“What do you think?” Will glanced back at Zani. She’d lost weight in the 17th century, and she looked tired. Much as he wanted to hear Burnside’s lecture, he didn’t want to push it. “We can split off and head home if you don’t want to stay. I think we’re fine to get back on our own.”
“I could eat,” Zani admitted. She wrapped her arms around Will’s neck. He crouched slightly and reached around his back, placing his hands to give her backside a boost. “To tell you the truth, a fried sandwich sounds heavenly right now, and who knows when I’ll have another chance to visit the 1970s?”
“Wait till you taste the raspberry sauce,” Burnside crooned. Will could feel his own mouth watering.
“You’re sure?” Will placed one tentative hand on Burnside’s shoulder and turned his head back toward Zani’s face. Her long hair brushed his cheek. It smelled of orange blossoms and sunshine. The perfume of Versailles still clung to her.
“If you want to go, I’m happy to go with you. Just don’t leave me again, okay? There’s so much I need to tell you, Will. So much I’ve learned about the bloodstone. I met Cosimo again at Versailles–”
With a whoosh, Burnside’s portal popped open. Will reached out and placed a second hand on the older man’s shoulders.
“Hang on!” Burnside shouted. “I already called in our order and reserved a private booth. We’ll be there in three…two...”
Will took a single step forward. When he lifted his second foot, it collided with the front of a cigarette vending machine. The machine was located outside the men’s room in a dark and smoky paneled hallway.
“Ouch!” Will exclaimed. Cosimo’s name still rang in his ears like a sonic boom. He felt the worm of jealousy slithering in his gut once more, and struggled to subdue it as Zani wriggled off his back. She bent over to examine the cigarette machine.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of these things up close, in real life, with cigarettes in them! I’ve only seen them repurposed to sell art at Ordinary clubs in our time. There’s a secret apothecary in Berlin that uses antique vending machines like this to dispense potions.”
“So sorry about that!” Burnside’s head peeked out from the door to the restroom. “I really needed to use the facilities. Was thinking about that and overshot the mark a bit. The booth’s right around the corner. Why don’t you two go get settled? I’ll just be a minute.”
Will tried not to think about Cosimo and whatever he’d told Zani. He tried not to wonder how much time the two of them had spent together at Versailles. Three months! She said she had been there for three whole months.
But she hadn’t wanted to stay. She’d been happy to see him. He tried to focus on that fact, as Zani grabbed his hand and pulled him around the corner to their booth. She seemed more energized now. Perhaps it was the return to modern times. Or perhaps it was the delicious smells of freshly fried foods wafting through the air of the dimly lit restaurant. The dining room was dark and mysterious, lit only by the scattered neon lights on the wall. Framed posters of melodramatic cartoon characters, mid swoon or about to kiss, added additional flair. Will had to admit he liked the ambiance at this place. It felt like a safe harbor, almost as if it existed outside of time, or perhaps in its own little universe inside of a Gearheart Locket.
True to his word, Burnside had ordered ahead, though Will couldn’t guess when, or which version of the man had placed the order. All he knew was that he was grateful when they rounded the corner and saw the lavish spread waiting on the table. Steam rose from the plates of fries. The most delicious aroma came from a miniature cauldron of bubbling cheese. A tiny tea light flickered beneath it.
