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The words felt good. Honest. Real. They felt like Lily again, even if they hurt.
Now she just had to find the courage to say them to his face.
* * * *
Cora was waiting at the kitchen window when Alex pulled up at the cottage, but it was Rhys who opened the door.
‘You’re in trouble, mate,’ he said, pressing a glass of wine into Alex’s hand. ‘You’re just lucky she’s making pasta.’
‘In my defence,’ Alex said, ‘I was working. And helping out her friend.’ Although given how scared Lily had looked when she’d left, he wasn’t sure how much of a help he’d really been.
‘Yeah? Well, save the story for the dinner table. You’ll need it to get back in her good books.’ Rhys ushered him down the hallway.
‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ Alex said, as soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen. ‘I got tied up at work.’
‘That excuse is less valid now you’re self-employed, you know,’ Cora replied. ‘I’m just putting the pasta on now. Lucky for you the sauce isn’t ruined.’
‘I’m sure it’ll be delicious.’
Cora’s face grew a little less stern. ‘Go sit at the table.’
How was it, Alex wondered, that he always felt like a small boy around his younger cousin?
Ten minutes later, once she’d ensured that everyone had wine, pasta and salad in appropriate quantities, Cora turned her gaze on Alex with a determined look that reminded him of his mother.
‘So. What were you working on that made you so late?’
Alex took a breath. He had to tell her. He’d planned on taking it slower, easing people into the idea, once they saw that he could make a viable living. But things were moving too fast. If he got the space at the Mill, it would be all over town in moments. And Cora deserved to know first.
‘I was with Lily,’ he started, but didn’t get the chance to go any further.
Cora dropped her fork to her bowl and scowled at him. ‘Alex. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I’m telling you now. Leave my friend alone. She’s engaged to be married, if you hadn’t noticed. And this isn’t the City, with a pool of willing women, just waiting for their chance with you.’
Alex blinked at her in surprise. ‘Working, Cora. Working with Lily.’
She brandished a piece of garlic bread at him. ‘Nice try. But I happen to know that Edward does her accounts. She doesn’t need you, and you don’t need to start falling back into bad habits. I know you, Alex. You can barely talk to a woman without flirting. You say you want to settle down here, fine. Then find someone who isn’t engaged to have lunch with.’
Cora’s lack of faith in him stung, and he could feel his temper rising, hot in his chest. Did she really think he’d moved all the way back here just to keep living his old life? He’d told her he wanted something new, something different for his future. But apparently she hadn’t believed him.
‘I wasn’t doing her accounts,’ he said, the words coming out clipped. ‘I was photographing her stock for a new catalogue.’
‘You were… what?’ Cora blinked at him, her confusion so obvious that he felt some of his frustration and anger bleeding away.
Alex sighed. ‘Remember when I said I had some other plans, besides the accounting, now I’m here in Felinfach. This is one of them.’
‘Photography?’ Rhys asked. ‘Sounds fun.’
‘It is. And I’m good at it.’ At least, he hoped he was. ‘I’ve been taking courses for years, and decided to take the plunge when I moved here. I’ll be doing it alongside the accounting, at least to start with. But Lily got me a meeting with Max, up at the Mill, and I’m putting together a portfolio to present to the collective there. See if they’ll let me in to rent the empty studio space.’
‘That’s why you had lunch with Lily yesterday,’ Cora said, eyes wide. ‘I thought…’
‘I think we all know what you thought, dear.’ Rhys covered her hand with one of his own.
‘Well, can you blame me? Given his reputation?’ She pulled a face. ‘Sorry, Alex.’
He shrugged, the last of his anger fading. He and Cora had clashed often as children, with her tendency to jump to conclusions and his quick temper. But he liked to think they’d got better at controlling themselves over the years.
Well, mostly, anyway.
‘Like I told you. This is a fresh start for me. I’m looking for something new here.’
‘And not with Lily,’ Cora said, obviously still needing the confirmation.
‘Not with Lily,’ Alex said. And he was almost sixty per cent sure that was true.
‘Good.’ Cora’s body slumped in relief. Had she been that tense all evening? ‘Because that would be the last thing I need. Can you imagine? You and Edward need to get along – you’re both ushers, remember? And Lily’s maid of honour, of course.’
‘Of course,’ Alex echoed. ‘I promise to try not to let my life and happiness interfere with your wedding planning.’ He glanced up at Rhys, who gave him a “what can you do? She’s wedding crazy” shrug. But Cora didn’t even seem to hear the sarcasm in his voice.
‘Thank you,’ she said, perfectly seriously. ‘Because Lily, well, you know. I love her, but she can be a little flighty. And I know she had that crush on you while we were at school…’
‘Crush?’ Alex asked, a warm feeling spreading across his chest at the idea.
‘Oh, like you didn’t know.’
But he hadn’t. Not really. Hadn’t even considered Lily in that light, then. Unlike now. ‘Still. Tell me more about this crush.’ He waggled his eyebrows at Cora over the table, and she laughed, and chucked a piece of garlic bread at his head, and suddenly she felt like his cousin again, rather than a scary reincarnation of his mother.
Until she said, ‘Eat your pasta,’ in her stern voice again.
Alex grinned at her. ‘Yes, Mum.’
* * * *
Things were still strained the following morning, as Lily slipped her engagement ring back onto her finger and pulled on a suitably wedding-y smart dress. Her decision weighed heavily on her heart, but desperate as she was to make a clean break, even she realized that dumping a fiancé on the morning of somebody else’s wedding wasn’t really the done thing. She’d waited this long, when she’d been uneasy from the start. She owed it to Edward to find a quiet time when they could discuss things like rational adults and decide what happened next.
For instance, did not wanting to get married mean they had to break up? Lily’s hand slipped on her mascara wand at the thought, and she swore quietly, reaching for a cotton bud to tidy up the mess. The thing was, she’d realized, staring at the ceiling for hours after Edward had returned triumphantly with her ring the night before, it wasn’t just that she couldn’t see herself marrying him now. She couldn’t imagine it ever. And if he’d decided that it was time to get married… Well, he was on his own.
Lily sank onto the stool in front of her dressing table mirror and set about applying lipstick with a shaking hand. Seven years down the drain. God, what was her mother going to say? And their friends? She couldn’t even predict how Edward was going to take it. Would he be upset to lose her? Would he decide that being with her was more important than being married? Or would he be secretly relieved to be free to find someone more suitable?
More to the point, would she?
‘Are you ready to go?’ The too casual tone of Edward’s voice behind her made Lily hit her lipstick against her teeth. He knew something was wrong, and he was trying his hardest not to say anything that might upset her. At least that meant he had to know that things weren’t right, didn’t he? He had to suspect the conversation that was coming. So now she just needed to find the most grownup and mature way to have it.
‘Almost,’ she said, rubbing a finger across her front teeth. Any day now, the right moment was going to present itself. She was sure.
They made the drive to the registrar’s office in silence, Lily staring at the ring still on her finger and practicing o
pening gambits in her head. But when they arrived, and the bride-to-be threw herself into Lily’s arms in tears, she forgot all about her own problems.
‘Mabel! What’s happened?’ And why, for heaven’s sake, at a gathering of her nearest and dearest, was Mabel turning to her fiancé’s cousin’s soon-to-be ex? Mabel was nice enough – too nice for Terry, actually – but they’d never been particularly close.
Mabel sobbed. ‘You need to get Edward to talk to him! Edward will fix it, I know he will.’ Which explained it. Lily was useful because Mabel thought she might be able to persuade Edward to do something. Fat chance at the moment.
