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No, marriage – or any decision requiring that amount of commitment – was firmly off the cards for the time being.
Alex shifted, and suddenly Lily found herself up against his chest, rather than his shoulder, his eyes watching her face, his mouth ever so close to hers. ‘Do you really mean that?’
Lily shrugged, as best as she could with his arms around her. ‘Seems… easier, doesn’t it? Less heartbreak. Less misery when it all goes wrong.’
‘What if it didn’t go wrong?’
‘No one has that kind of guarantee.’
His eyes darted away for a moment. ‘Maybe not.’
Lily pressed a hand against his shirt, feeling the warmth of his chest underneath. Could she feel his heartbeat, or was that just her imagination? ‘Look. I don’t want to change your mind about this, or rain on your quest for true love. I just don’t think it’s for me.’
‘True love?’ Alex’s eyes found hers again, his lips quirking up in a half smile. ‘How can you know? You’ve never tried it.’
The man had a point, not that she’d admit it. Edward hadn’t been true love, in the end, she knew that now. And sure as hell none of the guys before had been either. But before she could muster a decent argument, Alex’s lips were closer again, too close, too dangerous. And she should step back, she knew she should. He’d been drinking, and the atmosphere was so wildly romantic, of course he would latch onto the nearest warm body. She should move away, stop this.
Except she really wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Alex Harper.
Breath caught in her chest, she waited long, long seconds as Alex bent his head to hers. Giving her a chance to move away? Probably. But she couldn’t. Not when she was this close…
The terrace door banged open, and Alex’s head jerked back, his lips beyond her reach again. Damn it.
Turning slowly in his arms, Lily saw Nate lifting Carrie onto the terrace rail, her beautiful dress spreading out around them as he leant in to kiss her. True love, marriage, and everything she was trying to avoid. So why the hell was she on the terrace nearly kissing Alex Harper? It had to be Cora’s fault. She’d probably imbued the dress with happy-ever-after powers or something.
Lily shook her head to clear it and stepped forward, feeling the chill of the evening air as Alex’s arms fell away.
‘Think we should let them know we’re here?’ Alex murmured as if nothing had happened. Wedding buddies again.
‘I don’t think they’ll care.’ Lily gathered her best friendly vibes and smiled up at him. ‘Come on. Let’s go see what the band’s playing now.’
Wedding buddies. That was the thing to remember. Have fun, enjoy his company. But never, ever get too close.
And tonight had been way too close.
Chapter Eleven
It was easy enough to avoid Alex over the next few days. He was busy setting things up at the studio, along with reviewing the accounts of all the shopkeepers at the Mill. As long as she smiled and waved when she walked in first thing, past his studio on her way to Tiger Lily, she was pretty sure he wouldn’t notice she was avoiding him at all.
No. Not avoiding him. Just… enjoying a little space. They’d been spending a lot of time together since he came back to town and apparently that kind of proximity proved confusing. So a few days apart would do them both some good before their next wedding buddies adventure on Saturday.
Still, just to be certain, she made sure to be in her studio with the door closed when he left in the evenings, where she knew he wouldn’t disturb her.
Which was why she was late home from work on Wednesday night, and why Cora and Rhys had been entertaining Edward for the last half an hour when she finally arrived.
‘What are you doing here?’ Lily dropped her keys into the bowl by the door, staring at Edward in surprise. Cora and Rhys had already escaped into the kitchen. Cowards.
Edward’s calm face twisted with exasperation, just for a moment. ‘Can’t I just be checking in to see how you’re doing?’
Lily considered. ‘You haven’t before now, so I’m thinking not.’
‘Maybe I was giving you time to cool down. Think things through.’ He sighed, as she kept staring at him. ‘Fine. Your mother asked me to bring some boxes by for you from her house.’
Lily blinked. ‘My mother?’
Edward’s nod was sharp. ‘She’s very upset. Thought it would be easier if I brought them.’
‘You mean she hoped I’d cave and beg you to take me back.’ For a moment, it looked like Edward was waiting for her to do just that. She didn’t. ‘So where are these boxes?’
He insisted on carrying them up the stairs himself, all eight of them, looking around the spare bedroom she’d appropriated with disapproval – Lily suspected more at the clothes falling out of her suitcase and the messy bed than at Cora’s perfectly ordered wedding paraphernalia. Lily watched him and felt so separate, so apart from their history together, she couldn’t help but wonder again how they’d ever thought they could make a happy future together. Surely by now he had to be thinking the same. That he was lucky to be shot of her.
But then, as she tried to hurry him through the door so she could set Cora and Rhys free from their self-imposed exile in the kitchen, he turned to her and smiled, soft and hopeful. ‘Your things… they’re still at the cottage.’
‘I’m sorry. I can stop by –’
‘I don’t mind,’ Edward interrupted. ‘It’s just that I can’t help but feel that, if you were so sure you weren’t coming back, you’d have come and got them by now.’
Lily blinked at him. ‘I’m not coming back, Edward.’
He raised one pale, blond eyebrow, a habit that had irritated her ever since she’d realized she couldn’t do it, after practicing in the mirror when she got home from their third date. ‘Are you sure about that? That you’re not just hedging your bets until you decide what you really want?’
Lily tried really hard not to hesitate before replying. ‘That’s… That’s not what I’m doing.’
Edward sighed, and for a moment he looked tired. ‘Fine. But I have to tell you I think you’re making a mistake. I understand that you’re nervous, and that marriage is a big step. But it’s
the next step for us. We’re good together, we’ve spent seven years building a life together. And I don’t understand why you’re throwing that away.’
‘Because… because it feels like someone else’s life, now,’ Lily said, willing him to understand. ‘I don’t know when it happened, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner, that I didn’t stop this engagement before it started. But I’m not the same girl who fell in love with you any more. And marriage… it’s not something I want. At all.’
‘Or you don’t want it with me.’ Edward sighed. ‘I always knew there was a chance you’d just up and leave one day. Everyone warned me that you were… flighty. But I thought we had something more than that.’
‘This isn’t about me being flighty,’ Lily said, trying not to sound as irritated as she felt. ‘I’m not a teenager any more, for heaven’s sake. I’m a grown up and I know what’s best for me. Not you, not my mother, not Cora, not anyone. Just me.’
Edward stared at her in silence for a moment, then nodded. ‘Well. I know where I stand, then.’
‘I’m sorry, Edward.’ Lily grasped her hands tightly in front of her to stop herself reaching out to him. The last thing either of them needed now was any more mixed signals.
Edward shook his head, and gave her a half smile. ‘Do you know, I signed up for a dating agency the night you left. It was after the wedding, and I’d had a few drinks and I thought, well, if this is it…’
‘Good for you,’ Lily said, unsure what else to say.
‘I never thought I’d actually end up using it though,’ Edward added, and guilt stung her again. ‘Guess I’ll start answering some of those messages now.’
‘Good luck.’ Why didn’t he just leave? She felt bad for even thinking it, but really, why drag out this unbearable awkwardness any longer. ‘Goodbye, Edward. I’ll clear my things from the cottage this week, while you’re at work.’
