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Edward looked up, met her gaze, his eyes wide and honest and happy. ‘I’m getting married. Really, this time.’
* * * *
Della hadn’t wanted to meet at the house; too many memories, Alex assumed. When he’d called, said he was just outside town, and could he stop in to see the boys, she’d told him they were headed to the park. He’d told her he’d meet them there. Hadn’t left her room to argue.
Now, sitting beside her on the hard wood of the bench, watching Joe and Billy race each other to the slide, he wasn’t even sure what he’d come to say.
‘If you’ve come to ask if there’s another man involved –’
‘I haven’t,’ Alex said quickly. ‘I’m not here to defend my brother’s honour, or anything like that.’
Some of the fight went out of her then, as she relaxed against the back of the bench. ‘Okay. Then why are you here?’
‘Honestly? I’m not sure.’ Alex leant back too, eyes scanning the park. ‘I wanted to see the boys, of course. Wanted to make sure you were okay.’
‘I’m fine,’ Della said, too quickly for it to be true.
Alex let her have the lie. ‘That’s good.’
Della turned and eyed him critically. ‘More to the point, are you okay?’
Was he? Alex wasn’t even sure any more. He still hadn’t found the courage to talk to Lily again, for starters. He’d have to soon, he knew. They worked across the courtyard from each other, for God’s sake, and it had taken some pretty determined avoidance to stay out of each other’s way for the past week. But honestly, he didn’t know what he’d say when they did speak.
‘Dell, if you had the chance to go back and change things, choose not to marry Gareth, would you?’
‘Not for a second.’ Her answer was firm, definite, and Alex still found it hard to believe.
‘Really?’
Della sighed. ‘Think about it, Al. If I hadn’t met and married Gareth, I wouldn’t have the boys, and that’s unthinkable. But that aside, yeah, maybe it didn’t work out in the end, but we still had over a decade of fantastic memories and experiences. Ten years that I wouldn’t have spent with anyone else, even if it meant I didn’t have to feel like this now.’
Alex stared at her. ‘Okay. And, uh, how are you feeling?’
‘Like my life’s been torn into two pieces. How’s Gareth doing?’
‘About the same, I think.’ Alex thought of his brother, trying too hard to smile and joke at bad sitcoms on the telly of an evening. Calling his boys to wish them goodnight, then heading straight to the fridge for a beer.
‘Yeah. It’s pretty horrific, all this.’
‘How are the boys?’
‘Better than either of us, I suspect. They’re good boys, and they know that divorce isn’t the end of their family – they’ve got enough friends with divorced parents for that. But it’s still hard, of course it is. They miss their dad.’
‘At least he’ll still be close. They can still spend time with him.’
Della nodded fiercely. ‘Absolutely. Once things have… settled down a bit, we’ll get it all sorted out properly. I won’t let this ruin their lives, or mine, or Gareth’s.’ She said it with such certainty, such determination, that Alex couldn’t help but believe her.
‘So, is that all you came to ask me?’ Della quirked an eyebrow at him, and Alex felt a sudden pang of loss, that he’d no longer see this woman over the dining table every Christmas, or sneak off to smoke illicit once-a-year cigarettes behind the greenhouse at Cora’s parents’ annual summer garden party.
‘I’ll miss you, you know.’
‘You can still see me,’ she said, with a shrug. ‘You know the boys adore your visits. I want to keep things as normal as possible for them.’
‘Yeah. That’d be good,’ Alex said, feeling his spirits brighten a little.
‘So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?’ Della asked, sharp eyebrow still raised. ‘Because honestly, Al, you look like hell.’
Alex shrugged. ‘Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, that’s all.’
‘Really.’ A wide, mocking smile spread across her face. ‘A new girl, Al? Think this one might last out the week?’
Alex shifted uncomfortably on the bench, and Della’s smile faded. ‘Hang on a minute,’ she said. ‘This looks new. Good grief, Alex, you haven’t gone and fallen in love, have you?’
Alex stared at the sky. It was very blue. He couldn’t let himself think about Lily. Della was freakishly psychic when it came to things like this. She’d pick the knowledge out of his brain if he gave her an opening.
‘And she’s not in love with you? Jesus. Well, I did always say you’d get a taste of your own medicine one day.’
‘Not helping, Della.’
Della smothered a laugh, and Alex glared at her. ‘Sorry! It’s just rather nice to have someone else’s tattered remains of a love life to deal with for a change. Come on now. Tell Auntie Dell all about it.’
Alex sighed, and tipped his head back again. The sky was much more peaceful than the real world. It was the exact same colour as the dress Lily had worn to Kerry’s wedding last week… He snapped his gaze forward. ‘Okay. I’ll tell you. But first… Do you think marriage changed you?’
The look she gave him was almost pitying, Alex thought. ‘Of course it did. But, Al, life changes you. I’d have changed over the last decade whether I was married or not. Being with Gareth just made sure that most of the changes were good ones.’
* * * *
Lily lingered at Tiger Lily later than she knew she should that night. Cora would be at home waiting for her, along with the other girls, all getting ready for a wild night out at the Bull and Frog to celebrate or commemorate the last week of Cora’s singledom. But after Edward’s visit… She’d just needed a little time to process.
Married. Well, if she’d ever had any doubts about whether she’d done the right thing, calling off the engagement, they were gone now. Maybe Edward hadn’t realized it when they were together, but he certainly did now. The smile on his face when he spoke of his new fiancée… it had been far too many years since he’d smiled like that for her.
She’d set him free to find the life he was meant
to have, and the person he was meant to be.
Which just left herself to sort out.
She needed to talk to Alex, even if she had no idea what to say. They’d both thrown horrible words and accusations at each other, that day in the dressing room. It wasn’t going to be easy to come back from that, but Lily knew they had to. Closure with Edward made that even clearer to her. She couldn’t live her life, however she wanted it to be, without setting things straight with Alex first.
The fling had been a bad idea, she knew that now. Alex had already been in the mind-set for settling down, even if she hadn’t fully believed that at the time. It was almost natural that he latch onto her as what he was looking for, even if she really wasn’t. Especially when things between them were so damn good.
Lily shook her head. It wasn’t about her, she realized that now. He thought he was in love with her, but the truth was he’d have probably fallen for the first woman he slept with after moving here. It was just time for him, like it seemed it was time for Edward. What other explanation was there for her ex-fiancé getting engaged to the first woman he met through some internet dating site?
Maybe she and Alex could be friends, eventually. The thought tugged at her heart until it ached, as she tried to imagine being “just friends” with Alex. Watching him live his perfect dream life without her. She rubbed a hand across her forehead to try and stall the headache developing there. She couldn’t have it both ways. Either she loved Alex and gave in to what he wanted, or she walked away and let him find it somewhere else.
If only she knew which of those options would make her least miserable in the long run.
Eventually, she couldn’t put off leaving any longer. Locking the door behind her, she headed across the courtyard. A glance across the way showed that Alex’s studio was already dark. He must have left early. Or maybe he never made it in at all that day. She didn’t know. It wasn’t her place to know, not any more.
The lights in the main Mill building were on, though, shining in the late summer sunshine as evening drew in. That strange time when it wasn’t yet dark, but wasn’t quite light enough, still.
