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‘Running out on you, I guess.’ Lily shrugged. ‘And… we both said some pretty awful things.’
Awful, but true, to a point. And honestly, none of her words had hurt as much as the horrified look in her eyes. ‘Okay, then.’
A pause, while Lily stared at him, waiting. Alex knew exactly what she was expecting, but he wasn’t going to give it to her. Not yet.
‘Aren’t you going to apologise too?’ she asked, eventually.
‘For falling in love with you? No.’ Because he wasn’t ever going to be sorry about that part. Lily looked like she was about to argue with him, so he kept talking just to stop her. ‘But I am sorry for the things I said. They were unfair. We both went into this knowing what the other wanted, but –’
‘But we both thought we could change the other’s mind,’ Lily finished, with a rueful smile. ‘Guess we’re both as bad as each other.’
‘Yeah.’ Alex lifted his bottle of beer to his mouth and drank, as he thought about what he wanted to say next. ‘But I’ve been thinking a lot. And talking with Gareth, and Della.’
‘His wife?’
‘Soon to be ex-wife.’
Lily winced. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s sad,’ Alex said, thinking of Della’s determined face the other day. ‘But I think it’s going to be okay.’
‘What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.’
‘They changed.’ Alex said, and Lily winced. ‘Just like you’re afraid of.’
‘I’m more scared I won’t be able to change,’ Lily admitted, her voice so soft he almost didn’t hear. Alex wondered if she’d have said it if it weren’t for the wine. ‘That I’ll never get to finish figuring out who I want to be.’
Alex shook his head. Didn’t she get it? Even now? ‘The thing is, you’re never done with that, Lily. You’ll keep changing your whole life.’
She looked up at him, eyes wide. ‘What if I change into someone you can’t love any more?’
Never happen, Alex thought, instinctively, and knew it was true. He’d seen Lily try on different shades of personality, of costume, of friendship, of anger, even of love. But underneath them all she was always Lily. And that was the part of her he loved.
But she wouldn’t believe him, he knew that too. So instead, he said, ‘What if I’m willing to take that risk?’
Lily glanced away, her lips twisted into a grimace. ‘What if I’m not?’
‘Then we’re right back where we started.’ Alex felt the weight of that realisation heavy in his heart. He couldn’t let Lily slip out of his grasp, even if she never would love him. He needed her in his life, even if friends was the best they could ever manage, now.
‘Look,’ he said, his tone serious. ‘I admit, I was looking at this whole love and marriage thing wrong.’
She shifted closer to him, wine in hand. Progress. ‘How?’
‘I came back here because I thought it was time to get married. I figured I’d just wait for the right girl to show up, then have lifelong happiness, just like Della and Gareth.’
Lily shook her head. ‘It doesn’t work like that.’
‘I know that now. Hell, it didn’t even work for Gareth and Della. Listening to him talk… You were right. People change. And marriage changes you. Even if the changes are good ones.’
‘So, you’re not looking to get married any more?’ Lily asked, her tone sceptical.
Alex shook his head. ‘No, I still want that. One day. But I realize I can’t just rush into it. Can’t just expect my perfect future to show up as easily as my photography studio did. I just… Honestly, I’m not sure what I want right now. But I am sorry that I thought you were just reacting to how things ended with Edward. That I assumed you’d come round to my way of thinking. You made it very clear what you were offering. This should only ever have been a fling.’
Lily gave him a sad smile. ‘Yeah. But I think we went a bit too far.’
‘And too fast,’ Alex agreed. If he’d taken his time, built up to it slowly… But she’d consumed him. From that first touch of her lips, he hadn’t been able to think of anything. And that kind of passion was dangerous. It wasn’t love, it wasn’t forever. It was just heartbreak in waiting.
Exactly as it had turned out. And he wasn’t putting himself in that position again in a hurry.
Lily glanced away. ‘Far, far too fast.’
‘Yeah.’
‘So, what do we do now?’ Lily asked, and Alex shrugged.
‘I think that’s up to you.’ She knew how he felt about her, despite his attempts to backtrack. So she had to choose what happened next.
‘Friends?’ Lily asked. ‘Like before. But without all the sexual tension.’
‘Been there, done that, huh?’ Alex wished that didn’t sting quite so much.
‘More, moving slower, this time.’
The sting blossomed into hope. ‘Slower. I can do that.’
‘So, friends?’
Alex stretched out a hand for her to shake, ignoring the way his arm tingled as they touched. That wasn’t what this was, any more. ‘Friends,’ he echoed, trying to ignore the yawning hole inside him that said it wasn’t enough. Wouldn’t ever be enough for them.
‘While I’m delighted you two are talking again,’ Cora said, appearing beside them, ‘I’m afraid Lily has a very important maid of honour duty to take up right now.’
Lily looked up, her forehead adorably creased in confusion. ‘I do?’
Cora nodded. ‘Karaoke!’
Lily glared at her as the man running the karaoke called her name. ‘Are you even going to give a clue to what I’m singing?’
Cora and Gareth just laughed. ‘Trust me, you’ll love it.’
And as Lily took the microphone, and the first notes of the Beautiful South’s ‘Don’t Marry Her (Fuck Me)’ blasted out the speaker, even Alex had to admit, it was pretty much perfect for her.
* * * *
Lily bit back a laugh as the music started, and concentrated on hitting the words and the notes in the right order, rather than collapsing into giggles. She rolled her eyes at Gareth and Cora as she started, but soon got side-tracked by the way Alex was smiling at her. A friendly smile. No hidden heat behind it now. Just like she’d wanted.
Really.
And since she didn’t want to embarrass herself any more than strictly necessary, Lily figured she had to stop thinking about what she didn’t have any longer and focus on the song. So she smiled out into the wider audience in the pub and threw herself into the lyrics.
Unfortunately, that meant she was looking up at the door when it opened, and Edward walked in, an unknown blonde on his arm.
Lily stumbled over half a line, and glanced down at her table to see Cora glaring at the door. Gritting her teeth, Lily focused back in on the words on the screen and picked it up again. Edward was no longer part of her life. She sure as hell wasn’t going to let him ruin Cora’s hen night.
It was just that she looked so much like her, Lily thought, when her equilibrium had returned enough to study Edward’s latest fiancée again. Not just the blonde hair, but the same height, same build. The face was different, sure, but she was even wearing the same sort of outfit Edward had always said he liked on her, when they were together.
This was more than just having a type. This was Edward finding someone more willing to fit the mould he’d decided on for his wife, since Lily wouldn’t do it. Lily watched him place a hand on the woman’s shoulder to guide her, just like he’d always done with her. It had driven her crazy, right from the start.
Her replacement didn’t seem to mind so much. But maybe she would, given enough time.
Not Lily. That would never happen to her. She’d be her own person forever. And if she had to do that alone? Fine.
She sang out the last lines of the song with real force, and belief, and managed a wide, manic smile when Edward looked up suddenly. Even across the bar, she could see the alarm on his face, the way he froze halfway between the bar and the
stage. Did he think she was singing for him? Smirking, she gave him a little wave, and hopped off the stage, back to their table.
‘I really hope somebody ordered some more wine,’ she said, sliding back into her seat.
‘Gareth’s just gone to the bar,’ Cora replied. ‘So, was that her then?’
Lily shrugged. ‘I assume so.’ Seeing Alex’s confused look, she explained. ‘Edward appears to have found himself a new fiancée.’
‘That was quick,’ Alex said, eyebrows raised. Then he added, ‘She’s nothing like you.’
