"Be honest. Please. It's been weighing on my mind. I need to know..." Kim suddenly says, sitting up, leaning over me and continuing without pause: "What about Caroline?"
I'm reluctant to discuss the subject, but she certainly deserves the truth. "What exactly are you asking me?"
"Do you still see her?"
"No."
Kim looks at me seriously and rather uncertainly. "But I did. Several times. That was ages ago. It didn't feel right seeing her when I only wanted you."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she asks me.
"I wanted you to be able to do your work in peace, so I pushed my feelings aside. There was the situation with Rosie, Catherine, and my mother. How could I commit to an honest relationship when all these problems dominated my daily life?"
"That's what partnerships are for. To tackle problems together." She leans toward me and kisses me gently. "We can manage this, can't we?"
"Everything feels so much easier with you, Kim."
Whenever I see her, I can't help but smile. A warm, cozy feeling spreads through my chest. A feeling I never want to miss in my life again.
I place my hand on the back of her neck, pulling her toward me so I can kiss this wonderful woman who has turned my head so completely that I can hardly think clearly when she's near. When she rests her head on my chest, and snuggles against me, my world feels right.
These moments are so precious. And I want to savor them. Every single second.
The days pass, and the first snow falls in London. Today, Kimberley and Rosie made window decorations and have hung them up already. I never used to decorate my home, but now a festively adorned Christmas tree stands in my living room, string lights hang everywhere, and the scent of cookies and cinnamon fills the air. There's also Christmas music constantly blaring from the speakers while Kimberley and Rosie sing along in more or less harmonious tones.
I watch the two of them as they spray frost patterns on the windows. My two girls are decorating the house and breathing life into it. Life that I could never have filled it with alone.
The next day, while Rosie is at school, I have Thomas drive us to my mother's house.
"Where are we?" Kim asks, looking confused at her tablet and checking the appointment we were supposed to have now. I hadit entered into the calendar so that both of us would have some time to be here.
"At my mother's house," I explain. Kim looks at me in surprise and then back at the house where a few string lights twinkle in the early morning. It just doesn't get properly light in the mornings anymore, and it’s also been snowing incessantly like it hasn't for years. London has transformed into a city that looks covered in powdered sugar, just as my mother would surely have loved to experience.
"But what about the appointment? Should I reschedule it?" she asks me, a bit nervously.
"This is our appointment."
That's why I wanted her to accompany me. Today is the day I want to introduce her to my mother. "Who knows if she can hear you or feel you. But I hope so very much."
"You want to..." Kim stammers excitedly, clutching her tablet. I nod, smiling. "Okay. I... I know how much this means to you. So, it means infinitely much to me too."
Kim puts her tablet in her bag and places her hand on mine. I nod to her and then open the car door so we can get out.
"Please pick us up again in two hours," I say to Thomas, who nods to me before leaving the grounds. I open the iron gate and then walk onto the property with Kimberley.
"And she's all alone here?" Kim asks me nervously.
"Someone is with her. Day and night. A team of nurses and caregivers who look after her."
"I see," Kim murmurs. I offer her my arm so she can link hers with mine. The path to the house has been cleared so it's not slippery but all around us there is nothing but snow. Every bush and stone is dusted as if with powdered sugar. I look briefly into the sky, as it's still trickling down on us from above.
"My mother loved snow. The Christmas season was always something very special to her. When she fell into a coma, I stopped decorating the mansion. But now you two have done that and..."
"Oh..." Kim immediately feels guilty, but before she can apologize, I'd better continue. I know her so well.
"...I love it," I finish my sentence with a smile. "It reminds me of back then, when I visited her and my father. The whole house smelled wonderful. Feeling the warmth of the fireplace was always something special." I look at her and say: "But it's nothing compared to the warmth you give me."
Kim's uncertainty disappears. Smiling gently, she presses against my arm, takes a deep breath, and then walks with me to the door. I've had a deep desire to introduce her to my mother for so long, because who knows? Maybe she really can hear or sense Kim...
That would be truly wonderful.
