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‘We haven’t been together for five years, Jacob,’ she said. ‘I think we qualify under these terms.’
‘Still. You’re putting together this perfect Christmas. Don’t you want to stay and enjoy it too?’
No. She wanted to have her own perfect Christmas, with Merry and Ivy. With a new bike and champagne at breakfast and maybe a snowball fight after lunch.
She did not want to spend Christmas with Jacob’s mother and sister glaring at her over the turkey.
‘I don’t think that would be a very good idea,’ she said in what she hoped was a diplomatic manner. It occurred to her that this would all have been a lot easier if she’d just told him about Ivy the day he’d walked back into her life. He’d probably have run for the hills and she wouldn’t be in Scotland at all. ‘I mean, I’m sure your family aren’t so fond of me any more. I can’t imagine they’ve forgiven me for walking out on you.’
‘Maybe not,’ Jacob conceded. ‘I mean, you broke my heart. Families tend to get a little upset about that sort of thing.’
‘I imagine so.’ Not that she’d really know herself. ‘Most families, anyway.’ She’d never even told hers she was getting married in the first place, let alone that she’d left Jacob.
‘Not yours?’ His gaze flicked towards hers, then back down again. Clara shook her head. If she’d managed to not discuss her family with Jacob when they were actually together, she wasn’t going to start now.
‘So, probably not a good idea,’ Clara said. ‘We’re agreed.’
‘Well, I agree it wouldn’t be a good idea if they still thought you broke my heart.’ Clara’s breath escaped her. What did he mean? That he’d found someone new so he wasn’t heartbroken any more? Because on the one hand she really wanted to be the bigger person and be happy for him. But on the other... There wasn’t a chance she was spending her Christmas with Jacob, his family and his new girlfriend, no matter how ill his dad was.
‘Don’t they?’ she said, wishing she could breathe properly again but knowing it wouldn’t be possible until she had her answer.
‘They won’t if we pretend we’re back together,’ Jacob said, and Clara lost the ability to breathe altogether.
* * *
‘I...I don’t...’
Jacob didn’t think he’d ever rendered Clara so speechless before. Well, maybe once. That night on the balcony of the Los Angeles house, after that party, with her only half wearing that gold dress...
But that wasn’t the point.
‘It would make the old man’s Christmas just to think we were even trying to make our marriage work again,’ he said, pushing home with the guilt. He needed her to agree to this. Surely she owed him this. He’d given her the world, and she’d given him a note asking for time to think and then divorce papers, two months later. All because they hadn’t talked enough? That, Jacob had found, was usually more easily solved by staying in the same country as someone.
Clara owed him more than a fake relationship for Christmas.
‘But it wouldn’t be real,’ she said. Clara’s eyes darted around desperately, as if she were searching the castle for secret passageways she could escape through.
‘No. We’d just play happy families for Dad’s sake.’
‘Until...’ She trailed off, and he realised she was avoiding saying the words Until he dies?
‘Until after Christmas,’ he clarified. ‘All he wants is to know that there’s a chance. That we’re trying.’ And if it delayed the inevitable divorce until it was too late for his father to worry about it that would be a bonus.
‘I can’t...I can’t stay for Christmas Day, Jacob,’ she said, finally finding the words. ‘No. I’m sorry.’
She didn’t sound very sorry. She sounded like this was a punishment he was somehow inflicting on her, instead of spending Christmas with people who had once been her family.
‘Just think about it,’ he said. ‘That’s all I ask.’
‘There’s no point,’ Clara said. ‘I can’t do it, Jacob. I have...other obligations.’
Other obligations. Jacob’s mouth tightened. He could only imagine what they might be. Through all their conversations she’d conspicuously failed to rule out another man in her life. And what was Merry transporting up here on the train? Some perfect gift for Clara’s perfect man?
‘You never said,’ he bit out. ‘Where are you spending Christmas?’
‘Merry and I have booked into a hotel a couple of miles away,’ she said, not looking at him. ‘Roaring fire, haggis for breakfast, that sort of thing. I wasn’t sure we’d have time to get back to London after all the set-up on Christmas Eve, so this seemed like the best option.’
‘Just you and Merry?’ he asked, dreading the answer.
‘I think the hotel is fully booked, actually. We only just managed to get the last two rooms.’
Two rooms. But who was Clara sharing hers with? That was what Jacob wanted to know.
‘That’s not quite what I meant.’
‘Really? Then I can’t imagine what you did mean.’ Clara turned to look at him at last, her eyes fierce. ‘Since my life, my Christmas and who I choose to spend it with are absolutely none of your business any more.’
She was right; that was the worst thing. He wanted her to be wrong, wanted to claim that the piece of paper that announced they were still technically married meant it was his business. But that was a low move, even he knew that. Five years apart. He couldn’t honestly have expected her to stay celibate that whole time.
He just wanted to know...
‘Look, all I’m asking for is a couple of days,’ Jacob said, aware he was getting perilously close to begging. ‘Just stay and make Dad happy. Make me happy. Then I’ll give you your divorce.’
‘No. A wife is for life, not just for Christmas, Jacob.’
‘Really? Where was that bit of trite philosophy when you walked out on me?’
‘Where were you?’ she asked. ‘It was Boxing Day, for heaven’s sake. The day after Christmas Day. And you hadn’t been home in sixteen hours by the time I left. If you’re suddenly all about Christmas being a time for family, answer me this—why weren’t you there to spend it with me?’
‘I...I had to work.’ It was the lamest excuse in the book, and he knew it. But it was all he had.
Clara sighed. ‘Jacob, you’ve made it very clear you don’t want me at all. Just the appearance of a wife to prove to your father that you’ve got your life in order.’
‘Hey, you’re the one who left me,’ he pointed out. ‘If anyone has made it clear they wanted out of this marriage, it’s you.’
Clara shook her head. ‘I thought...just for a moment, I thought you might have changed. Grown up. But it’s all still an act to you, isn’t it? Be honest. You married me because all the other top-level businessmen you worked with had the perfect wife at home and you wanted it too. The sex was just a bonus. You never even asked what I wanted out of our relationship. And I was so stupidly desperate for any affection at all that I didn’t even question it. Our marriage wasn’t a relationship—it was a business merger. You sealed the deal then went back to work, and left me wondering what I was supposed to do next.’ She grabbed her bag and threw her coat over her arm.
‘I won’t be in another fake relationship with you, Jacob,’ she said and for a moment his heart clenched the same way it had five years ago, as he’d read her note and realised that she had left him again. ‘All we have left now really is business. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
And then she was gone.
CHAPTER TEN
CLARA WRAPPED HER COAT tighter around her shivering body as she scanned the darkening road down from the castle towards the village for any sign of headlights. The taxi she’d called had promised it wouldn’t be long. She checked her watch. If it made it in the next ten minutes she could be at the hotel waiting to greet Merry and Ivy when they arrived.
That was what she was focusing on. Her family. Her perfect Christmas. Not Jacob’s.
She couldn’t think about him now. Couldn’t let herself stop and absorb the realisation that all she’d ever really been to him was a useful accessory, like a laptop or a briefcase. She’d felt neglected when they were married, sure. Even unwanted, or unloved towards the end. But she’d never felt as unimportant to him as she did today—at the very moment when he was telling her he needed her to stay.
But not for herself. Not for Clara. For what she represented—his own success. To show his dad that he wasn’t a failure. That was all.
He’d made her think he wanted her. For one fleeting moment, she’d almost believed that he still loved her. But it was all still just a game to him, the same way their whole marriage had been. It was the game of life—a game Jacob was bound and determined to win.
