“I have issues. I’ve always been my biggest critic and when I make mistakes, break unwritten rules, I’m harder on myself than others would be. That was especially true when I was younger.”
“Others meaning your parents?”
“Them and the few friends I had. You guessed correctly when you said that when I was a little boy, I didn’t want to go out and play in the sun but stay in my room. But not to read about corsets.”
“I teased you.”
“I remember. I’d stay in my room reading about whatever I’d fixated on at that time. Compulsive behaviour. Did you suspect I had autism?”
“I thought you might be somewhere on the spectrum.”
“My parents weren’t supportive. I learnt from an early age that I had to suppress my natural inclinations in order not to make them angry.”
“Masking.”
Tal nodded. “It’s exhausting. Pretending I don’t need my routines. I have more control now but I still get things wrong sometimes, misunderstanding what’s clear to others. My parents said to me—don’t expect to get married or have children. When I think of how cruel that was… I grew up thinking I would never fit in, which meant I didn’t fit in. I’m not severely affected. I’m lucky. But I need things tidy and ordered. I don’t like pictures hanging at angles.”
“You like your cutlery in straight lines.”
“You…moved it for me. I remember. How are we going to cope with thinking we’ve somehow existed in a different world?”
“We just will. We can do it together. It was our world for a while and it saved us.”
“Can you cope with me being different?” Tal asked.
“You know I can. Anyway, everyone’s different whether they’re on the spectrum or not. If I get things wrong and upset you, then tell me.”
“I’ve never wanted being different to rule my life. And it mostly hasn’t. But I know how fortunate I am. Even so, it’s been a black cloud over me for a long time.”
“I don’t want you living under a black cloud. I don’t like black clouds. You belong in the sunshine with me.”
Tal smiled. “You shine as brightly as the sun. You light up my world. But you’re not just light, you’re colour too. All the colours of the world I’ve never seen, I can see because of you.”
Corey gulped at the lump in his throat.
“Is that condition that makes your eyes leak a problem again?”
“You do know I made that up.”
Tal’s lips curved in a smile. “I have the same condition. I just have caught it from you.”
Louis and Benjamin burst into the kitchen.
“Guys!” Benjamin said. “What are you doing? We’re supposed to be cooking for you!”
“You can do the rest,” Tal said. “The oven’s ready for the chicken.”
“Is there much else to do?” Corey asked.
“Two types of stuffing,” Benjamin said. “Yorkshire puddings for Louis—he’ll eat four and what’s left we can share, sausages wrapped in bacon—already prepared, gravy and peas. The gravy is out of a packet and the peas are frozen. So not much else. I’ve made a chocolate roulade for dessert.”
“Benjamin is a great cook,” Tal said.
“I think it’s because of what I do for my day job.”
Corey gulped. “You cut up dead bodies! How does that make you a good cook?”
“My day job is grim, right? But cooking is creative and fun. A different use of my hands.”
