His hand tightened, gripping his shirt-cuff in an old habit as he remembered how his mother had insulted Miss Brooke.
It will not do,he thought furiously.She is sweet and gentle and kind. She has respect and more grace and dignity than almost anyone else I can think of.
His mother’s words stung. She often called him a fool, but this was the first time that she had really seemed to mean it.
Am I crazy?he asked himself. Miss Brooke was the daughter of a baron, that was true, and as such she was not beneath his social rank by too much. It was certainly feasible. She was not known in society, that was true. But he knew why. She had been forced into isolation by her father, locked out of society after only a single Season.
Nobody would have done better, under the circumstances,he thought. Anyone’s reputation would have suffered if they had been whisked hastily away from London. It said a lot for Miss Brooke that she had no reputation—anyone else might have incurred a bad one.
Robert sighed. There was no point in watching the fire and letting the thoughts drive him crazy. He was exhausted and he needed sleep. All that he knew was that he was not crazy—he wasfalling helplessly in love with Miss Brooke, and he had to admit it to himself. He had to do something about it.
He stood up, banked the fire, and then went slowly to his room. His feet were aching after the night spent standing around, his head swam with tiredness and the high collar felt scratchy and uncomfortable. He undressed hastily, rinsed his face and hands in the bowl of water on the nightstand and donned his nightshirt. Then he slipped into bed and let his head rest heavily on the pillow. His thoughts chased themselves in weary, widening circles.
Miss Brooke in his arms. His mother. Henry, laughing as he chased a puppy on the lawn. Henry, frightened, clinging to him after a nightmare. Miss Brooke and Henry in the garden.He was soon fast asleep.
The next morning, he awoke to sunshine pouring through the window onto his face. He dressed briskly and went out into the garden for a morning walk to clear his head. He walked briskly around the garden. He felt better, his thoughts clearer. He had to confront his mother about Lady Marina. He had to stop her from trying to push him in that direction. It was the first step in the right direction. He went up the stairs feeling positive and hurried to the breakfast room. He was going to find his mother as soon as he could and talk to her.
He was going to have to try.
Chapter 21
The breeze ruffled the lawn and stirred Sarah’s hair where it escaped from the loose bun into which she had styled it. She reached up and tucked a strand back into its confining pins and gazed out over the landscape, her eyes scanning the horizon. The hills were far away across grassy fields, and Bath was just visible to her left, a hive of yellowed stone that glinted in the sun. She sat on a bench high up on the Averhill estate, one that she had found after hours of walking through the grounds looking for just such a place. After the ball the previous evening, she needed somewhere far away from the guests to sit and contemplate what had happened.
“He kissed me.”
She said the words out loud, not for the first time that morning. At her feet, Buttons whimpered. She had brought him out with her, thinking he would enjoy a long walk and the early morning sunshine, but he chafed at the inactivity while she sat and sketched the distant hills, and at the first sign of life from her, he whined and wanted to walk on.
“Shh, little fellow,” she said gently, reaching down and scooping the little puppy onto the bench beside her. He tried to lick her face, standing with his paws on the front of her dress and she chuckled and stroked his fur and then set him down on the lawn again.
Her mind wandered again to the events of the previous evening. She had not stopped thinking about it all night. The feeling of his lips, warm and surprisingly soft, on her own, the way he had drawn her close against him, holding her tight in his arms. Her cheeks flushed with heat at the memory of that closeness, of how she had longed to wrap her arms around him and hold him closer still.
The little puppy yipped, and Sarah stood up, smiling down at Buttons, who took off across the lawn, circling ahead and running back playfully. She patted his head and walked slowly down the path as he bounded off and then returned again.
I wonder if his mother saw us,she thought, her fingers lacing through one another in an anxious manner.
“And what will she think, or do, if she did see?” she asked aloud.
Buttons ran over, confused at the sound of her voice. She bent down and patted him absently and he leapt up, paws on her dress. She grinned and ruffled his ears. A few flecks of mud were easy to brush out, and she let him jump up, enjoying his playful behavior. It took her mind off her worries.
They rounded the corner near the house and Buttons took off. Sarah let out a cry of fear. Ever since the incident with the duchess, she had been terrified that Buttons would run into the woman. Not only did she desperately wish to avoid the duchess lest she had seen, she also did not want Buttons to get into trouble. The duchess would not be able to convince Caroline or Edward to disallow the puppy in their home, but still Sarah preferred to avoid a scene.
“Buttons!” Sarah called, running down the path after the little dog. “No! Wait!”
The little puppy did not heed her calls, but ran around the corner, out of sight. Sarah hurtled after him, ignoring the jarring pain of running on the gravel in her thin-soled boots. She cannoned around the corner and then stopped at the sound of a delighted giggle.
“Miss Brooke!” Henry greeted her. He was sitting on the path, and Buttons was jumping up with his paws on the boy’s chest, doing his best to lick his face. Henry laughed and ruffled the little dog’s ears and then stood up.
“Henry!” Sarah let out a sigh of relief as he turned and jogged towards her. “I am so glad that it’s you. Where is Mrs. Wellman?” she added with a frown.
“Inside,” Henry said quickly. “She does know I’m outdoors. I asked her if I might go for a walk. She’ll likely come looking for me soon, but I hoped to see Buttons, and he found me!” Henry let out a breathless sigh. Sarah frowned. He was leaning forward, his hands on his knees, breathing heavily as if he had run far. He had not run particularly far—she had seen him run much further. He had just rounded the corner of the path, and he already seemed fatigued.
She looked at his face. It was pale, almost white, but he was always pale. Two spots of color showed on his cheeks, but that could have been exertion.
He has been running around. You’re looking for things to trouble yourself about,Sarah told herself firmly.
“Shall we go indoors?” Sarah asked as he sat down on the path, ruffling Buttons’ ears again. “Mayhap we can play in the gallery again.”
“That would be grand!” Henry said cheerfully. Buttons was running around on the lawn. Henry chased him for a few paces, but then sat down breathlessly again. Sarah frowned.
