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He lifted his chin and pushed every doubt away. It was time. Time to put his heart on the line and tell this woman—again—just how much he loved her. Just how much he was prepared to do to make things work between them. She might still hate him but he had to try. And he could only try his best.
* * *
There was a rumble outside her apartment door, followed by a buzz. Was she expecting a delivery? She didn’t think so.
Kristie looked down. She’d been wearing this pink slouchy top and grey yoga pants for the last two days. She hadn’t even opened the blinds these last few days. She was officially a slob. She shrugged and headed to the door, pulling it open to let the bright Los Angeles sunshine stream into her apartment.
She squinted. Looked. And looked again. Her breath strangled somewhere inside her. Was she finally so miserable that she was seeing things?
‘Hey.’ The Scottish lilt was strong. She couldn’t be imagining this. ‘I thought we should talk.’
Her hand went automatically to her hair, scrunched up in a dubious ponytail. She didn’t have a scrap of makeup on her face. Every imaginary meeting between them she’d had in her mind these last few days had been nothing like this.
‘Can I come in?’ She blinked and looked behind him. Three large cases.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m...visiting,’ he said cautiously.
She automatically stepped back. ‘I just texted you.’
‘I know.’ He smiled.
She shook her head. ‘I said I didn’t want to talk.’
‘And if you don’t then I’ll leave,’ he said steadily. ‘But I’ve flown five thousand miles. Can we have five minutes?’
She gestured to her sofa. ‘Five minutes.’ She moved quickly, picking up the empty wrappers from the cookies and chips that were lying on the coffee table.
Rhuaridh sat down heavily. He’d flown five thousand miles to talk to her.
Her brain was spinning.
She’d replayed their last moments over and over in her head. She’d always known he’d object to the title of the show—she’d even objected to it when she’d initially heard it. But because he didn’t go on social media, or the streaming network, she’d always secretly hoped he wouldn’t find out. She’d been lucky. Up until last week. And the timing had been awful because by that point she’d felt so hurt and angry that she hadn’t felt like explaining—hadn’t felt like defending the show.
‘How’s Jill?’ she asked.
He nodded. He was wearing jeans and a pale blue shirt that were distinctly rumpled. He gave her a thoughtful smile. ‘It’s baby steps. And everyone knows that. But she said I could let you know how she’s doing. She’s seen the CAMHS nurse and a counsellor. Two days ago she told me that she’d phoned the number in the middle of the night when her head was spinning, she couldn’t get back to sleep and she’d felt so alone. She told me she’d cried, and that the woman at the end of the phone had spoken softly to her until she’d fallen asleep again.’
Tears pricked at Kristie’s eyes. ‘It sounds like it’s a start.’
‘Everything has to start somewhere,’ he replied. It was the way he said those words, the tone, that made her turn to face him. ‘And so do we.’
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Kristie, I’m sorry, I feel as if this all spun out of control and I still can’t really work out why. Except...’ he paused for a second ‘... I probably put my foot in my mouth.’ He didn’t wait for her to reply before he continued. ‘The one thing that I know, and I know with all my heart, is that I love you, Kristie. I don’t want to be without you. And I don’t care where we are together, just as long as we get a chance to see if this will work.’
His words made her catch her breath.
He kept talking. ‘I hated how we left things.’ He shook his head. ‘I hate that we fought over...nothing. I love you. I can’t bear it when you’re sad. I can’t bear it when you’re feeling down. I just want to wrap my arms around you and stop it all.’ He gave a wry laugh, ‘And, yes, I know it’s ridiculous. I know it’s probably really old-fashioned.’ He put his hand on his chest. ‘But I can’t help how I feel in here.’
He took a breath. ‘When I told you that I loved you and you didn’t reply, I made a whole host of assumptions. Then my mouth started talking and my brain didn’t know how to stop it. I thought it was crazy to dare to hope we could be together. It’s what I wanted, but how selfish would I be to ask you to pack up your whole life for me? To move from your home, and your career, to be with a guy you’d spent a few days a month with?
‘So...’ he gestured towards the cases ‘...because I’m so hopeless with words I decided to try something different.’
She stared at him, her voice stuck somewhere in her throat.
‘So...’ he paused and she could tell he was nervous ‘... I decided that actions speak louder than words. That’s why I’ve packed everything up. Magda is due back at work and we’ve got a locum for the next few months.’ He shook his head. ‘The irony of doing the show is that we had about twenty people apply. So...’ he met her gaze ‘...if you’re willing to talk, if you’re willing to give things a try, just tell me. Tell me where your next job is, and this time I’ll come to you. Because I love you, Kristie. I’ll love you to the ends of this earth.’
She stared at him. Trying to take in his words. ‘You’d move here? To be with me?’
‘Of course. I’d do anything for you, Kristie—whatever it takes.’
She sagged back a little further into the sofa, then turned her head to face him. His words were swimming around her brain—the enormity of them. Her heart was swelling inside her chest. Those tiny fragments of doubt that had dashed through her mind when he’d made the suggestions about moving had evaporated. She raised one eyebrow, curiously. ‘What makes you think I don’t like Arran?’
He shot her a suspicious glance and counted off on his fingers. ‘Er...maybe the weather. The ferries. Or lack of them. No supermarkets, no malls.’
She leaned towards him. ‘Maybe I like all that. Maybe I like waking up in a place where the view changes daily. Maybe I like a place where most people know each other’s names.’
He sat forward. It was obviously not what he was expecting to hear and she could see the hopeful glint in his eyes. ‘Can I have more than five minutes?’ he whispered.
She licked her lips and took a breath. If this was real, if she wanted this to be real, she had to be truthful—she had to put all her cards on the table.
‘I’ve been angry these last few days. Angry with myself and angry with you. When I came to Arran I wanted to tell you that I loved you too. And when you told me first, then added about how it was all crazy and we could never work...it was like giving me part of my dream then stealing it all away again.’
He grimaced.
‘I wanted you to ask, Rhuaridh. I wanted you to do exactly what you’re here to do now, for me, without the big gesture. All I wanted you to do was to ask me to stay. To ask me to choose you, and to choose Arran.’
He blinked, a mixture of confusion and relief sweeping over his face. ‘I thought that would be selfish. Conceited even, to ask you to give everything up.’
‘Just like what you’ve done for me now?’ She held her hands out toward his cases.
He let out a wry laugh and shook his head, reaching over to intertwine his fingers with hers. ‘It seems that we both crossed our wires when we were really heading for parallel paths.’
She gave a slow nod of her head. ‘I want you to know that I’ve made a decision.’
He straightened a little. ‘What kind of decision?’
‘A take-a-chance-on-everything life, love, career decision.’
He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand. ‘I love you, Rhuaridh. The whole world could see it before I could. I started to dream about
getting on that ferry, reaching Arran and never leaving again. I’ve started to like rain. And I definitely love snow. And my job?’ She pulled a face and held up her hands. ‘It used to be everything, but it’s not been that for a long time. Not since Jess died. My family died. Not since I started volunteering at the helpline.’ She looked at him nervously. ‘I’ve had enough of TV. No matter what they offer me right now, the only offer I’m going to take is the book deal.’
‘You have a book deal?’ His eyes widened. ‘That’s brilliant!’
She looked up into his eyes. ‘You gave me the push I needed, you made me write the book in my heart. And you were right. There’s been a bidding war. The publishers love it.’
He stopped for a second and tilted his head. ‘Is that the only offer you’re going to take?’
She licked her lips. ‘That depends.’
‘Depends on what?’ He’d shifted forward, it was like he was hanging on her every word. Funny, handsome, grumpy, loyal Rhuaridh—her own Scotsman—was hanging on her words.
‘I came to Arran to tell you I wanted to stay.’ She rested her hand against her heart. ‘That I’d lived my last few months in Technicolor. It was the life I’d always wanted. I’d found a man I loved and a place I thought I could call home.’ She shook her head. ‘I know the title of the show is ridiculous. Of course it’s ridiculous. It’s a TV show. But honestly? At the time I didn’t think it was worth the fight. And...’ she pressed her lips together for a second ‘... I honestly hoped you wouldn’t find out.’
He reached over and touched her face. ‘Kristie, I don’t care about the TV show. I love you. I flew all this way to tell you that. Please forgive me. I’ll move anywhere in the world with you. But if Arran’s where you want to be, then nothing would make me happier.’ The glint appeared in his eyes again. ‘Mac will never forgive me if I don’t bring you home. He hasn’t looked at me since you left.’
She smiled. ‘Mac is missing me?’
‘He’s pining. Like only an old sheepdog can. The only look he gives me these days is one of disgust.’
She edged a little closer. ‘Well, when you put it like that, I don’t want to see Mac suffer.’
His arms slid around her waist as her hands rested on his shoulders. ‘I mean, every dog should have two parents.’ Her hands moved up into his hair.
