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Trouble was, Hannah had told him the other night how much she missed her Auntie Georgie. He knew she’d been angling to go down and see Clara instead and he’d made a kind of lame excuse. It wasn’t even that he was self-conscious about the fact they’d kissed. He was much more self-conscious about the fact that last time he’d been in her apartment he’d more or less spilled out his insecurities about failing as a parent. He wasn’t even sure why he’d put all that into words.
His mind had been on his sister too. Georgie had texted a few times, and he got the impression that more was going on in Scotland than she was actually telling him. He’d tried to call her and left a few messages. But they hadn’t actually managed to talk in person for a few weeks. They were normally so close. He worried about her. He wasn’t surprised that Hannah had said she was missing her auntie.
He lifted his glass of beer towards Clara. ‘It’s our pleasure to have you along with us today. We’ve had fun, haven’t we?’ He nudged Hannah and she nodded enthusiastically, her mouth full of pasta.
‘I probably should have asked you before,’ he admitted without thinking.
Clara gave a soft smile and met his gaze. ‘Well, I’m just glad you asked now.’
The words and meaning hung in the air between them. For a few seconds the background seemed to fade away and it was just the two of them there. Joshua felt his mouth dry and his skin prickle. Clara’s dark eyes were pulling him in, keeping him there. And he liked it. He liked it a lot.
Was Clara someone he could trust? Someone who would be truthful with him?
‘Can we go to Buckerham Palace next time?’ asked Hannah, her mouth still full of food.
It broke the spell and they both jerked. He frowned a little as he racked his brain. ‘I think Clara might be working next week,’ he said, but he gave Clara a warm smile. ‘I’m sure we can work something out in the future.’
Clara nodded. ‘I’d love to visit Buckingham Palace,’ she said. ‘It’s definitely on my list.’ She paused and bit her lip for a second. ‘But I do have a day off this week. How about Hannah and I check out that film that everyone’s been talking about? I’d love to go to the cinema and see that.’ She leaned towards Hannah. ‘I kind of need to take a kid with me, or people will wonder what I’m doing there.’
Hannah laughed and turned to him. ‘Can I, Daddy? Can I?’
Joshua shifted in his seat. In truth, he didn’t like being put on the spot. However, Hannah had been talking about this film non-stop and he had no idea when he’d finally get the time to take her.
‘As long as it doesn’t interfere with swimming lessons,’ he said as he caught Clara’s look of surprise.
‘You started swimming lessons? That’s wonderful. It’s so important that you know how to swim.’ She said the words to Hannah, but he knew her purpose was backing him up.
‘I quite like it,’ said Hannah quickly. ‘Daddy got me a swimming costume with unicorns on it.’ Her proud grin said it all.
Clara leaned forward. ‘So what have you done so far? Have you held onto the edge and kicked your legs? Or have you been really brave and put your face in the water yet?’
‘I did that last week!’ shrieked Hannah.
‘Wow.’ Clara leaned back again. ‘I am so impressed. I bet you’ll be swimming without a float soon.’
Hannah nodded as the waiter came over to take their plates away. ‘Any desserts?’ he asked.
‘Can I have ice cream?’ said Hannah without taking a breath.
The waiter picked up the last plate. ‘Better ask your mum.’ He smiled at Clara.
Now Joshua really couldn’t speak. No words would come out. He saw the instant that Clara sucked in a shocked breath. But she didn’t speak either.
‘Oh, that’s not my mum,’ said Hannah without a second thought. ‘This is our friend, Clara.’
The waiter pasted a smile on his face and gave a wary and apologetic smile. ‘So, who gets to make the ice cream decision?’ he asked.
Joshua nodded quickly. ‘Absolutely.’ He looked at Hannah. ‘Chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce?’ She beamed back and nodded.
The waiter disappeared and Joshua looked over at Clara. She still looked as though she was holding her breath. But there was something else—a tiny light of sadness in her eyes that he hadn’t seen at any point all day.
He had no idea what that meant. But his heart seemed to give a twist in his chest. She looked sad. And he didn’t like it when Clara looked sad.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t experienced random people asking Hannah about her mother before. He’d learned to accept it was an easy mistake—even though it was tactless in this day and age, when families came in all guises. He and Hannah had spoken about this before when sensitive times came up—like Mother’s Day. Hannah still had the simple reasoning of a child. Her mummy had died and was in heaven, next to the stars in the sky.
Those who did know her were supportive. Her teacher at school had asked her if she wanted to make a card for her auntie, her granny or her daddy on Mother’s Day. These things were done smoothly, with no fuss, and Joshua appreciated that.
So, even though it had been a little awkward, he was surprised to see the hint of hurt in Clara’s eyes. Was she just embarrassed by the comment? Or maybe it was something deeper. Maybe Clara didn’t want to be a mum at any point. Maybe she couldn’t have children. Or maybe she was hiding something else.
No. He pushed that thought away for now. Things had been going well. He had to try and move past the fact that Abby had kept secrets from him. He was jumping to conclusions. He couldn’t assume that Clara would do the same. Whatever it was, he didn’t want it to spoil their day.
‘Another wine?’ he asked her.
She gave a gentle shake of her head. ‘I’m afraid I’m a bit of a lightweight. One glass is fine; two glasses make me feel a bit wobbly. Not my best time.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Really?’
She smiled and nodded. ‘You don’t want to see it.’
‘Maybe I do?’ he teased as Hannah was presented with her ice cream.
All of a sudden he was struck with the thought that this day would come to an end, and he really didn’t want it to. It was only early afternoon. He glanced over at one of the tour boats bobbing past. It was close enough to hear part of its guide’s chatter. The guide pointed to a nearby hotel, naming it. ‘It’s for the rich, the very rich and the very, very rich.’
The people on board started laughing and Joshua looked over at Clara. ‘Ever done the Thames tour?’
She shook her head. ‘I’ve seen the boats often enough. They come right down to where the flat is.’
‘There’s a pier just near to here. We can jump on one of the sightseeing boats. They go right past the Houses of Parliament, and the London Eye. Want to give it a try?’
Clara pointed at one of the packed boats. ‘It’s definitely this kind of boat, and not the speedboat kind?’
They’d seen several of them shoot past in the last hour. Joshua laughed. ‘Don’t like the look of the speedboat tour?’
She gave him her best haughty glance. ‘I’m just thinking about the bumpy ride. Wouldn’t want Hannah to lose her crown, would we?’
He signalled to the waiter for the bill. ‘Absolutely not. Just so long as you weren’t scared.’
He was teasing her again and she seemed to like playing along. She slid her hand across the table to Hannah. ‘Girls aren’t scared. We’re just far too clever to let ourselves get wet. Have you seen the people that come off those boats?’
Hannah squeezed Clara’s hand and looked determinedly at her dad. ‘Exactly,’ she said in a voice that made him laugh out loud.
‘Why do I feel as if you’re both ganging up on me?’
Hannah gave a little nod as she slid her arms into her jacket. ‘Because we are, aren’t we, Clara?’
Clara grinned and gave him a wink. ‘Absolutely.’
* * *
By the time they got back to the apartments Hannah was almost sleeping on her feet.
The boat trip had only been the start of the afternoon. They’d wandered around the shops for a bit, and come across a ticket booth with availability for some shows that evening. After a quick chat they’d gone for a musical about witches that Hannah had absolutely loved.
‘I’ve always meant to take her to a musical,’ said Joshua in a low voice as they waited for the lift. ‘I just never got around to it.’
