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He closed his other hand over hers. ‘I know, I know.’ He shifted position, leaning forward in the chair so they were closer to each other. ‘There was that horrible moment today when I had to send Natasha to Theatre. No one knew who she was; there was no family there for her. And all I could think about was Hannah. And how I would feel if that kid was mine.’
‘Of course you did,’ said Clara quickly. ‘That’s what makes you, you.’
Their gazes meshed and a few of the barriers he’d had about this relationship started to melt away. Because he’d seen her face. He knew that Clara had felt exactly the same way that he did. He’d seen her stroke Natasha’s hand. He’d seen her talk softly to her. Yes, Clara was here for a short time. But there were so many things about this woman he liked and admired. Right now, he wanted to put his hand at the side of her cheek and pull her in for a kiss. He was tempted to throw caution to the wind, and wonder if he should actually try to give this a go.
He’d kept his heart in a box for the last five years. Losing his wife so quickly and taking over a new role as both parents to their daughter had swamped his time. He’d had a few dates, but was now realising he’d dated, knowing he didn’t want things to work out.
He’d let lack of trust get in the way. It was easier never to give himself up to trusting someone else. It was easier to tell himself that he required complete honesty in a relationship before he could even consider moving forward.
It was easier to do that than to admit that allowing himself to trust was allowing himself to put his heart at risk again.
His life was ticking along with only the occasional hiccup—only the occasional doubt that he wasn’t doing as well as he could. And this was just it. Every single thought about his personal life always revolved around Hannah. Of course it would—they were a package deal.
But for a few selfish moments he just wanted to think about himself. He wanted to focus on this beautiful woman with the dark brown eyes framed by smudged mascara and tiny freckles across her nose. The one who’d tied her hair up hours and hours ago and not given it another thought since then. She didn’t know that her ponytail seemed to have adopted a life of its own and was now in a precarious position at the side of her head.
There was so much about this woman that just drew him in. The way she got straight to the point—she always told him exactly what she thought—but it was clear she had a big heart. He’d seen it in her interactions with kids in the ward, with his daughter and today in A&E.
But right now he wanted to concentrate on the attraction—the way the air between them just seemed to glimmer at times. The look in her eyes that could shoot a bolt of electricity through him. The way she licked her lips. The way she spoke, with her Scottish burr getting more heavily accented the more intense things got between them.
‘We need to go back up to the ward,’ he said slowly, knowing exactly what he wanted to say next.
‘Okay,’ she said simply, starting to pull her hand away from his, but he stopped her, tightening his grip around hers.
He lowered his voice to a bare whisper. ‘And then we need to talk about the sleeping arrangements, because there is only one on-call room.’
He knew he was looking at her intensely. He couldn’t help himself; he still wondered if he was taking the right step.
She leaned forward, her lips brushing against his ear. ‘Well, I guess we just need to share then,’ she said as she stood up, letting her body brush against his.
It was as if every cell in his body combusted. They were in a room with other staff, even if, because of the emergency situation that had just finished, most of the others were exhausted and no one was paying attention to them. And when Joshua slid his hand back into Clara’s as he stood to follow her, no one else seemed to notice. Her footsteps faltered, then she tossed him a glance over her shoulder that set him alight.
Seconds later, as they walked through the door to the stairwell, their lips were on each other. Clara wrapped her hands around his neck, her kisses leaving him breathless. His hands were in her hair, her ponytail band snapping in a ping as their kisses became more intense, making them both laugh.
They stopped for a second and just breathed. ‘Let’s go upstairs,’ she said quickly, pausing to put a hand on his chest before she gave him a wicked smile, ‘assess the kids...and then find the on-call room.’
She grabbed his hand and they both ran up the stairs. By the time they reached the ward they were both a little breathless, but had managed to keep their hands to themselves. Both put their professional face into place.
Children had to be reassessed, although, because of the stellar work between Isaiah and Arun, most of them only needed a quick check. Parents were another story. Both Clara and Joshua had to spend considerable time with the parents who had arrived at the hospital with fear in their hearts after hearing their children had been in an accident. Even though other staff had reassured them, Clara and Joshua reassured them again that they would both be around tonight and available if required. The night duty staff had started to appear early, and none of them were surprised to know that two doctors were on call tonight. It wasn’t entirely unusual after a major incident, or an outbreak of some sort, that more than one doctor would be available overnight.
When the pizzas that Joshua had ordered arrived on the ward a little later there was enough for everyone, including the kids and parents. Logistics in the ward tonight were awkward. Normally the rules were that each child could have a parent stay overnight if they wished. There were special chairs by each bed that could recline so that they could sleep. But tonight more than one parent wanted to stay, and the ward staff had to juggle and negotiate to find enough space for everyone.
By the time Clara and Joshua headed for the on-call room both were exhausted, but as soon as the door closed behind them it was as if a second wind hit them.
Joshua walked through to the tiny shower attached to the room and held his hand out to her. ‘Shall we?’
She paused for just a second before she very, very slowly started undoing the buttons on her shirt and walked towards him with her hips swinging. ‘Why, I thought you’d never ask...’
CHAPTER EIGHT
IT WAS LIKE a whirlwind. One minute she wasn’t sure quite what was going on between her and Joshua, and the next she knew exactly what was going on between her and Joshua.
They didn’t publicise it. But outside work they seemed to merge into one another’s lives. Clara was trying to tread carefully, but her heart was powering along like a steam train. Hannah was a normal little girl. She had moments when she clearly wanted her father to herself and Clara could read that and make a graceful exit. There were also times when she seemed to delight in them being together, and others when she would crawl up onto Clara’s lap and whisper in her ear, telling her stories about girls at school.
For Clara, the best times were when she could watch Joshua and Hannah together. Their connection was so special. She loved watching them laughing or even quarrelling together. When Hannah tried to cheat him at a board game. Or when she would try and talk him out of a swimming lesson, getting annoyed when he wouldn’t concede.
Weeks passed in a blur. Clara had never dated a guy with a child before. She was learning every day. But it seemed that Joshua was adjusting alongside her.
Because of workload responsibilities, plus the fact they were both on call at different times in the week, sometimes they felt like ships passing in the night. As the short-term childcare hadn’t really worked out, Joshua had long-standing arrangements with friends who could take care of Hannah overnight when he was on call. He didn’t like to ask on any other occasion, meaning that often he and Clara spent time together once Hannah was tucked up in bed.
It was a Friday, and at ten o’clock Clara jumped into the lift with a bottle of chilled rosé in her hands. She was wearing a soft pair of lounge pants and a button-down shi
rt. She even had slippers on her feet. So when she stepped into Joshua’s apartment and saw him dressed in a suit she gave a start.
‘Are you going out?’
‘No—’ he shook his head, smiling, as he took the bottle of wine from her hands ‘—we’re staying in.’ He gestured behind him, where his dining room table was set with a white linen cloth, candles twinkling and red roses in a vase in the centre.
Clara stopped moving, her mouth open in shock. ‘What?’
He walked over and pulled out a chair. ‘Have a seat. We’re having dinner. I’m conscious of the fact I don’t really get to take you anywhere grown-up at night because of Hannah. So I thought I would bring the grown-up to us.’
