“It is not courage. Richard is the bravest man I know, and he could not even bear to be in the room. He said the stench of sorcery made him ill.”
“How long did you stay there?”
He shrugged. “I left perhaps half an hour ago. Eversleigh is still there. I did not even stop for dinner because the mere thought of food turned my stomach.” He wiped the back of his hand against his mouth.
“I am so sorry.” If only she could relieve his pain!
“I am the one who should be sorry for imposing on you with my tale of woe.”
“Pray do not be sorry. If speaking of it can provide any comfort...”
“Talking to you was not my only reason for coming here.” He took a few quick steps across the room to look out the window. “When elemental mages feel something strongly, the elements respond. If I do not keep my emotions in check, there can be floods, fires, whirlwinds. I have learned how to control my moods to prevent such things. Tonight I could not do so. You heard the wind.” He clenched his hands. “For reasons I cannot explain, the elements do not respond to me as strongly when I am with you, so I came here before I flooded the village or burnt down Rosings.”
Elizabeth stared at him. “You think that I somehow interfere with your magic?”
“I do not know what it is. I only know that certain people seem to lessen my effect on the elements. Or perhaps I should say certain creatures, since your cat has the same effect. When Pepper is on my lap, the elements might as well not exist.” His agitation seemed to be increasing rather than decreasing.
“No wonder you are fond of her.” Could this be why he had sought out Elizabeth’s company so often? “I assume proximity must help, then.” She crossed the room to sit next to where he stood, trying topretend she would not rather be closer still.
His mouth twisted. “Proximity helps to subdue the elements, but in your case, it is also dangerous.”
“Dangerous? I do not understand.”
He stepped jerkily until he was directly in front of her, his face drawn. “Elizabeth,” he said hoarsely. “I know you do not want me. I know you despise mages and would never consider... But I beg of you, do not send me away.” He grasped her hands. “For the love of God, let me hold you, so that I can remember there is some good in the world, and that I am not all alone against the darkness.” His voice throbbed with raw need, but it was the need for comfort, not the desire of a man for a woman.
How could she refuse him what he so desperately needed, especially when she wanted it so badly herself?
He drew her to him before she had time to think further. Her cheek rested against his chest, the superfine wool of his coat providing softness over the muscle beneath it. Her hands clutched his shoulders, and there was nothing soft about them. But it was his hands splayed against her back she felt most of all, tempting her as he held her close.
The weight of his head rested on top of hers in a way that felt all too natural. She could hear the steady thudding of his heart. His clean scent of shaving soap and spice was overlaid by dust and ink. Sensation surrounded her – the warmth of his arms around her, his somehow delicate touch on her back, and the astonishing intimacy of pressing herself against him so closely that she could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath, creating an ache deep within her. If only she had not been wearing her shawl, she might have felt the warmth of his long fingers through the thin fabric of her dress. The mere thought raised the tide of longing.
How mortifying it was! He wanted comfort, and all she could feel was wantonness. What a triumph for him, could he know that the proposals which she had proudly spurned less than a fortnight ago wouldnow have been gladly and gratefully received! He was as generous, she doubted not, as the most generous of his sex. But while he was mortal, there must be a triumph, even now, when any connection between them was impossible. So much had changed since that evening when she had so bitterly and foolishly refused his proposal.
Now his heartbeat sped up, so perhaps he was not altogether indifferent to her charms. Not that it mattered now.
He released her then, leaving her even more bereft. “I apologize, Miss Elizabeth. You are generous, but I should not be imperiling your reputation for my own selfish needs.”
“My reputation?” She sank down onto the sofa, hoping he would not realize that it was because her legs were having trouble supporting her. “The only reputation I have is an unsavory one.”
He stiffened visibly. “Because of our journey to Faerie?”
She half smiled at the thought of riding bareback in his arms. “Compared to everything else I have done, that was nothing. Everyone knows now that I am a woman with magic. Society may grudgingly accept a magical woman who consents to a binding spell, but a woman who refuses one? Never. At present I am in a fragile artificial world where those around me are willing to accept magic in a woman, at least to some degree, but this is not reality. The minute I step off the grounds of Rosings, there will be children throwing stones at me.”
The color drained from his face. “But that has never happened to you before.”
“No, because I have always kept my abilities a secret. Now Lady Catherine is shouting to the rooftops that I am a witch. Mr. Collins has no doubt already written to Sir William Lucas with the shocking news, and all Meryton will know it in a day. And if that were not enough, I was gone for several nights, returned in your company, and then accepted an offer of protection from Colonel Fitzwilliam.”
“What?” He sounded half strangled. “If he dared –”
She held up her hand. “The colonel did nothing improper, but that does not matter. When a young woman accepts an offer of housing and support from a gentleman, it does not matter how pure his intentions are. I assure you the rest of the world will see it as improper. Before all this happened, I would never have dreamed of accepting his invitation to stay at this house, but it does not matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters!” He raked his hand through his hair. “It is not too late. We can give out that Anne was the one who invited you, and then it is perfectly proper. Frederica has been here the entire time, so you have been chaperoned.”
“You might not wish to make that fact public. I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince Lady Frederica to return to London immediately. She does still have a reputation, but it will be harmed, not just from exposure to me, but by the taint of sorcery that will cling to all of us, no matter how many years ago the sorcery took place. It would be wiser for her to leave immediately and pretend she was never here. I wish you would speak to her about it, because she will not listen to me.”
“She has been with Anne, and that will protect her reputation.”
“My dear Mr. Darcy, Miss de Bourgh will have even less reputation than I do. Even if she somehow manages to keep her magic secret, she is still the daughter of a sorcerer. She will never be welcome in polite company.”
