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pathy for Leo, the muscles in her legs and back ached.
The chronic, persistent and sometimes unbearable ache she felt after skiing. The thing she’d ignored before her accident, and even more so after.
Her body telling her that she’d never reach the gold medal. Not now, not after she’d done so much damage. The truth was, even if she spent the next five years practising every day, she still wouldn’t be able to match her previous skill and speed.
Her body had been telling her for a while—her brain just hadn’t been listening.
‘I’m never going to get a gold medal,’ she breathed as she stared at the ice-cold New York street outside.
‘What?’ Jules rubbed her eyes. ‘What did you say?’
‘I’m never going to get a gold medal.’ This time her words were more assured. ‘I’m never going to be good enough to compete. I’m never going to reach the speed I need.’
It was the oddest sensation. Like self-discovery. Her brain had finally put the pieces together. But saying them out loud was like an affirmation. A confirmation to herself that this was real. She swayed, her legs instantly feeling like jelly. She bent down and put her head in her hands.
Within a few seconds she realised Jules had rolled herself off the sofa and come over next to her. Jules’s warm hand closed over her own as they clutched her head. Her hair was still on top of her head. She couldn’t even imagine what it looked like at this stage.
‘I’ve been a fool,’ she whispered as she lifted her head to meet Jules’s weary gaze. ‘I’ve been such a fool.’
Jules sighed and collapsed on the floor next to her. ‘Okay, I’m too tired. And my phone has been buzzing all night. You’re going to have to spell it out for me.’
Anissa nodded. Then stopped and shook her head instead. ‘My head has been full of skiing and winning the championship for so long, it’s like I just couldn’t imagine anything else.’ She brushed away one of the tears in her eyes. ‘Leo brought me here to show me another world. He knew. He knew I’d probably never get back to professional skiing, but he was trying to tell me that there’s so much more out there. He wanted me to see a whole other world.’ She sat back on her heels. ‘But I just wasn’t listening,’ she said sadly.
Jules screwed up her face. ‘But your heart was listening. You told me that you loved him. Surely that’s all you need to know.’
Anissa sat up straighter, her hands going automatically to her heart. The panic that had gripped her last night was starting again in a weird, different kind of way.
‘I have to find Leo,’ she said, pushing herself to her feet.
Jules squinted up at her. ‘What?’
Anissa reached for her purse. ‘I have to get back. I have to get back to Leo. I didn’t tell him. I didn’t even tell him that I love him too. What if he thinks I don’t?’
Jules gave a smile. ‘Does this mean I can finally get some sleep?’
Anissa reached over and gave her a huge hug. ‘Jules, you’re wonderful. You can definitely get some sleep. And you are the most fabulous, talented dress designer on the entire planet. Thank you for helping me out.’
Jules shook her head and stood up, dragging herself over to the sofa and flopping back down. ‘Go.’ She waved her arm.
‘Go and tell your billionaire that you’ve finally worked things out and that you love him.’ She laughed as she closed her eyes and pulled the cushion over her head. ‘Please, do it now.’
Anissa nodded and headed straight to the door. She could phone. He’d texted her for the first few hours after she’d left. But the phone didn’t seem right. Not for now. Not for this.
She stepped out into the cold morning air. She had no jacket. She’d forgotten to ask Jules for a coat and the biting wind chilled her to the bone.
She waved her hand wildly, trying to flag down a cab. After a few minutes one appeared with its light on and slowed down. She climbed in and quickly recited Leo’s address, settling back in the seat and praying her heart would stop thudding by the time she reached there.
* * *
New York had never looked so grey. Leo had finally stopped texting Anissa and just prayed she was safe. He hadn’t slept a wink. He was still wearing last night’s tux. Maybe she’d booked into some random hotel rather than come back here. Or maybe she’d jumped on a plane back to Mont Coeur—anything rather than see him again.
There was a click behind him and he spun around. Anissa stepped out of the penthouse elevator, her cheeks flushed pink. Her hair was still piled on her head in a lopsided kind of way. He could see remnants of last night’s glitter on her cheeks, but she’d completely changed her clothes. She was wearing a rumpled T-shirt, jeans and baseball shoes and she was rubbing her arms frantically.
He couldn’t stop himself. ‘Where have you been?’
She stepped forward. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know... You took me unawares... I wasn’t expecting... I mean... I just...’ She couldn’t seem to get the words out.
All he could feel was relief that she was actually here. Actually back in his apartment. After last night, he’d wondered if he’d ever see her again. And the thought of that, of never actually seeing Anissa again, had made him feel physically sick.
‘Take a minute, Anissa.’
He wanted to reach over and put his arms around her. But he wasn’t sure what she wanted. She might just be here to pick up her things and leave again, and that just tore his heart apart.
* * *
She stepped up right in front of him. She was trembling. Was it because she was cold or was it because of something else? All he could see was her wide pale blue eyes. Her skin was almost translucent.
Her cold hands reached out towards him. Her touch sent a pulse of electricity up his arm. But he still didn’t want to move. He’d already got things so wrong. He didn’t want to presume anything.
‘You brought me here,’ she started. She gestured to the world through the windows behind him. ‘You brought me here to show me another world. One I’d never experienced before. I’d been so focused on skiing. It was everything.’ She clutched her hands to her chest. ‘My life. My passion. My heart. I couldn’t think outside the skiing box. Not even when I was injured. Not even when I should have taken a step back to reassess.’
He was holding his breath. He wanted to hear what came next.
‘You’ve shown me a whole other world, Leo. One with possibilities. The chance to work on the skiing committee is a big one. And if I’d still been in Mont Coeur, training every day, I would never have considered it—not for a second.’
She gave her head a shake and smiled a sad smile. ‘I was so focused on winning a gold medal. I thought it was the only dream to have, the only goal to dream about. I couldn’t see past that. And because I couldn’t see past that, I’ve missed a whole life. I’ve missed a whole world.’
She pressed her lips together and met his gaze. ‘You showed me something else, Leo. You showed me that someone can love me for being me. Not for being a potential gold-medal winner.’ She pulled one of her hands back and put it on her heart. ‘I’ve never had that before. I’ve never experienced it, and I didn’t know it was possible.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’ve never thought I was good enough.’
He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated when she shook her head. She gave a soft smile. ‘I’m so sorry, Leo. I’ve been having doubts about myself for the last year. Something I didn’t want to admit to, and was trying to totally ignore. I was taking painkillers constantly to try and deal with the agony I’d be in after training hard. I’d begun to accept it as normal, rather than take a deep breath and ask myself if it was right for me. Getting away from Mont Coeur and actually having a holiday was completely new for me.’ She reached out to him again.
‘And I know you’ve had so much going on. I understand how hard everything has been for you. Every day I’ve spent with you,
I’ve realised just how much you mean to me. It doesn’t matter that it’s only been a few weeks. I’ve managed to get to twenty-eight years old without feeling like this. It scared me, Leo. It scared me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ran out last night.’
Now he wanted to breathe. Now he actually wanted to hope.
She touched his cheek as tears filled her eyes and her voice shook. ‘I love you, Leo Baxter. I’ve never met anyone like you. You have the biggest heart in the world, and I want you to share it with me. I want you to share it with your family. I want you to know how lucky they are to have you. I want you to know that your parents would be proud of the man you’ve become. They couldn’t have possibly hoped for any better.’
If he held his breath any longer he might fall over. This time he wasn’t scared to reach out and touch her.
‘When you ran away last night I thought I’d got everything wrong. I thought I’d imagined the connection we had. I thought I’d scared you off.’
She stepped closer and ran her fingers through his hair. ‘You didn’t imagine the connection, Leo. It’s been there from the first second. I just couldn’t let myself acknowledge it. I thought I only had room in my life for skiing, for reaching for that gold medal. I was wrong, Leo. I’ve never loved anyone before like this—that’s why it’s so scary.’
He chose his words carefully. ‘Anissa, you can be anything you want to be. If you still want to pursue your dream of skiing, I’ll support you completely.’ And it was true. He’d be there for her whatever she decided to do.
She shook her head as she pressed her lips together for a second. ‘I needed to get here, Leo. I needed to get to this place myself. I needed to realise what I was doing to my body and that I wasn’t being realistic with my dreams.’
She couldn’t hide more tears as she blinked. ‘I can’t pretend it hasn’t been hard.’
He understood that. He knew that. But she gave another smile. ‘You’ve helped me, more than you could ever know. Thanks to you I know there’s something else out there.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to pursue my dream of skiing. But I would like to take up the offer from the Championship Skiing Committee. I’d like a chance to encourage others to realise their dreams.’
