MATTEO: No response. Hm. I think I knocked your socks off.
MATTEO: Sorry, I’m probably bothering you and not in the way we both like. You said you were an ear and I’m feeling…needy, I guess? Tell me to stop and I will.
I ran my thumb across the words, trying to imagine him speaking them, hearing the lilt in his voice as he spoke, and seeing that helpless expression on his face.
There was only one thing stopping me from marching upstairs and showing him how good sex could be and that was the promise I’d made to my twenty-four year old self. After waking up and having no memory of the night before, I swore off casual sex for a deeper human connection. But sex with Matteo wouldn’t be casual, would it? We were friends of sorts–could we be friends with benefits? I wasn’t sure if I wanted that, either.
The handful of relationships I’d had after my promise had taken place in my twenties and it had been a good five years since I’d last seen anyone. I was rusty, to say the least and maybe a little nervous about jumping back in. But sex was like riding a bike and I’d done so much riding on all kinds of vehicles I’d collected a vast array of knowledge. I was the perfect person to initiate him.
ME: I had some important paperwork to do. It’s done. To answer U, I think U might be onto something.
MATTEO: About you not letting the opportunity pass?
ME: Hey, I’m the teacher here. You’re not throwing me a bone.
MATTEO: Teacher? You’re more Daddy material than suave professor.
ME: Sounds like U might have a daddy/boy fantasy. Care to let me in on it?
MATTEO: Even if I did, you should feel privileged that a hot, young boy like me chose you. I’d imagine there are just as many Daddies out there as twinks. You’re not special.
I wasn’t sure why, but his words set something off inside me. I wanted to prove my prowess to him and blow his mind with my vast sexual knowledge. I was going to make him beg for it, and I’d make him thank me afterwards. Damn him, but he was digging up all kinds of things I didn’t know I had inside me and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be able to re-bury them.
I sent a follow-up.
SEAN: So, U want me to be your Daddy, huh?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MATTEO
I’d just gotten out of the shower when the phone chimed. That little sound sent a thrill through me that ricocheted off my bones and hit me in the gut. It had taken a lot to ask him to have sex with me and the instant I’d sent the text through, I’d regretted it because I was sure he was going to say yes. My insides twisted, the nerves making me lightheaded. But it was an exciting kind of nervousness, the same sensation I’d gotten when kissing a high school friend.
I opened the message.
SEAN: So, U want me to be your Daddy, huh?
I grinned at the tease.
ME: You fit the role. But you said it, so that leads me to believe you’ve got a boy fetish on the mind.
I watched the dots jump around as I slipped into the freshly-dried joggers he’d given me for Christmas, the warm cloth nice against my skin. I waited for the message to come through, knowing he was only a few feet away. I pushed a T-shirt over my head and smoothed it down my body, suddenly self-conscious. I took my time working the lotion into my hands, and massaging my fingers. It had always been a routine for me and living as a transient for the last few years, it was difficult to keep to the ritual. The motions were soothing as if I was getting ready to play for someone I cared about.
SEAN: If we’re going to do this, we should talk about a few things. U know, adult kind of things.
My heart skipped a beat and my throat tightened. We were going to have sex? A million things raced through my mind. Did I wash every nook and cranny? Did my breath stink despite having brushed my teeth? What if I did something stupid andknocked him unconscious by hitting him with my forehead as I tried to kiss him?
I forced myself to breathe and focused on an étude in my mind, the notes relaxing me. If I could perfect “La Campanella”at the age of fifteen, I could manage sex with him. Playing the piano had always been an intimate experience because I opened my soul to it. My piano was just a tool to express the music inside of me. Intimacy in the physical sense would be a piece of pie.
ME: Dirty talk? I’m in. Let me tell you all the ways I plan to drive you wild.
SEAN: You’re such a brat! U definitely need a Daddy to put some discipline into U.
I collapsed against the couch with a huge grin and mulled on how to respond. My recent messages were a mix of flirtations and vulnerability. It surprised me that I could be so open and honest with him despite only knowing him for a month. All the bickering that came before seemed like foreplay.
Debussy’s “Reverie” sang through me, the gentle notes loosening my muscles and slowing my heart until I was in a state of peace. When I was ready, I sent my response.
ME: How do you plan to discipline me? Take me over your knee? Maybe stick your cock in my mouth so I can’t talk?
