“I don’t know… I’ve just always had this fear in the back of my head that one day I’ll screw it up and lose y’all. But I can’t lose you, Georg. Any of you. I can’t.”
A sob wracks through me as Georgia pulls me in for another tight hug. “Charley, I had no idea this was something you worried about. I wish you would’ve told me years ago, so I could’ve put that worry to rest sooner, because it’s never going to happen.”
“It sounds so silly, hearing me voice this aloud,” I murmur. “I mean, Christ, I’m thirty-eight years old, and have been friends with y’all since we were kids. You would think I’d be secure in a decades’ long friendship. I’m sorry.”
“Do not apologize,” she pushes. “You have nothing to be sorry for, and everything you’re feeling is totally valid.” Georgia pulls back again and meets my gaze. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are they. I can promise you that.”
“Thank you.” A pathetic half smile twitches my lips as my vision blurs again. “Georg, I don’t know what to do.”
“Does Graham know yet?”
Shaking my head, I say, “I only found out three days ago, when I went to the doctor after we had lunch.”
“Have you told anybody?”
I shake my head again, and her eyes soften as they take me in.
“You’ve been living with this news for three whole days by yourself? Is that why you didn’t come to Grace’s today?”
“Not entirely,” I reply honestly. “I reallydoneed to study, and I’ve been trying to, but I can’t concentrate. Then I started thinking about it again, and that’s when I panicked and called you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“I know I need to tell Graham, but I’m dreading it,” I admit. “I’ve been avoiding being near him at work, like a child. But I don’t know if I want to keep the baby, and it’s my choice if I decide to have an abortion, so would he really need to know? He has enough on his plate. Why worry him if it’s not going to become anything?”
“You’re right,” Georgia starts. “It’s one hundred percent your choice, but he deserves to know. I know my brother, and regardless of the outcome, he would want to know. He’d also want to be there to support you through whatever choice you make. And if you do decide to have an abortion, it would probably help to have him there with you. While it’s your body, your choice, no matter what, that doesn’t mean you need to—or should have to—carry the burden of making a decision, and then going through with whatever it is you decide alone. Let him take some of this too. Graham’s a good guy. I know he’d want to be there for you.”
“I know he is.” More pressure builds behind my eyes because I do know he’s a really great guy, and that almost makes this harder. Groaning, I say, “I hate how right you are.”
Georgia laughs. “I know I am. It’s a gift.”
“And so modest.” Rolling my eyes, I breathe out a chuckle. “Tell me something good with you,” I say. “I need to get my mind off this for a while, so tell me anything.”
Wrapping an arm around me, Georgia relaxes into the couch, and I rest my head on her chest while I listen to her tell me all about the house she and Fletcher are going to look at this week.
Calling her was the right thing to do.
And I should’ve known she wouldn’t freak out or judge me.
She’s Georgia. My best friend. She knows everything there is to know about me—well, except for how hopelessly in love with her brother I was when we were teenagers—just like I know everything there is to know about her.
And she’s right, I know she is.
Graham deserves to know, even if the thought makes me want to hurl all over again. I can’t keep this from him forever, and waiting isn’t going to make it any less real. I need to figure outhowto do it, though.
And I will.
Just not right this second.
6
Charley, Then
The evening sun is warm against my face, but the breeze rustling through the hundreds of tall flowers surrounding me sends a chill down my spine, causing a wave of goosebumps to cover my arms. This is one of my favorite places to go on days like this, only second to the Astor house. Sitting between my house and theirs, this sunflower field has seen some things over the years.
It’s seen me laugh, cry, scream.
It saw me get shitty drunk for the first time.
