My chest swells with pride at hearing him talk about his dreams.
I’ll be going off to college in a couple of months, and I still don’t have a clue what I want to major in. It’s such a big decision, and unlike Grace and Graham, I don’t have any interests that stand out enough to be considered career-worthy. I know I’ve got plenty of time to figure it out, and it’ll come to me. I’m sure of it. Hell, look at Georgia. It wasn’t until recently that she decided she wants to open a coffee shop.
“You should,” I say softly, handing him a plastic fork while he hands me a paper plate topped with all this delicious food he made for us. “I can totally see it.”
“You can?” The corner of his mouth twitches.
“Absolutely. And you’d name it something like The Porch Light or The Gathering Spoon, or something equally as warm and welcoming.”
Graham breathes out a chuckle. “What about Sunflower and Salt?”
My stomach does a somersault, and my throat tightens. “Well, I may be biased, but I’d for sure eat there.”
It’s been about a month and a half since our first kiss. When it happened, I kind of expected it to end there. The kiss came from a place of deep appreciation, but also years of yearning on my part. It was unexpected, and so nice, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy that it didn’t, in fact, end there. Since that night, we’ve spent more time together. Either we sneak out here and watch the sunset, then lay under the stars, talking and doing…other stuff well into the night, or he’s sneaking in my room through my window like we’re in some nineties chick-flick. We haven’t had sex yet, but I want to.
The furthest we’ve gotten is hand stuff, but it’s been amazing. Better than it was with my ex-boyfriend, the only guy I’ve ever done anything with, and I think a big part of that is the way I feel for Graham. The emotional connection makes the physical connection all the more electric. Which is only going to make it hurt that much worse when this is over.
And this will come to an end… It has to. I’ve known it this whole time; Graham and I can’t have a future. It’s too messy, and there’s too much to lose. I should’ve never let myself take it here at all, but I couldn’t help it. Once I go off to college, though, this all ends. I’ll be there, and he’ll stay here, and he’ll meet somebody different… Somebody he can be with, without all the baggage. But for now, I’m enjoying this time because Graham makes me happy. He makes me forget about the chaos at home. He makes me feel like I matter, like I’m something more than another thing my parents can argue over. When my house is too loud, he’s my quiet space, and when there’s nothing but stifling silence between those four walls, he’s long, midnight conversations and laughter.
What Graham and I share may be fleeting, but it’s still the breath of fresh air I need.
By the time we finish eating, the sun has faded into the horizon, and the cicadas are chirping their nightly tune all around us. It’s peaceful, and I love it. Graham’s sitting with his hands behind him on the blanket, and I use the opportunity to lay my head in his lap. Whatever body spray or cologne he wears makes my head dizzy, and I find myself breathing in a little deeper to get as much of it as I can.
“Such a nice night,” I murmur.
“It’s the perfect night,” he adds while his fingers thread through my hair. It feels good. Relaxing.
“I’m going to miss this when I go off to college.” The sentence rolls off my tongue before I have a chance to stop it. I’ve purposely avoided the topic because all it does is highlight our inevitable end date. Graham hasn’t brought it up either, be it because he’s avoiding it for the same reason, or he simply doesn’t have feelings about it one way or another. My heart is certainly hoping for the former, but I have a feeling it’s more of the latter.
Graham is attracted to me, that much I know, and I do think he cares about me, but probably not in the same way I care about him. His care most likely comes from knowing me for so long, from me being so close with his family. Graham doesn’t love me. I would know. I’m not one of those oblivious girls who has no clue when a guy is flirting with her.
“I’m going to miss this too,” he says.
“Yeah, but you’ll still be here. You can come here whenever you want.”
“Won’t be the same without you.”
My heart skips a beat, but I don’t let myself get hung up on what it could mean. Doing so would only hurt myself. Grahamis a great guy—one of the greatest, actually—but he’s still a guy, nonetheless.
What’s that saying? ‘If he wanted to, he would.’
If Graham had feelings for me, surely, he would’ve acted on them way before now. Surely, I wouldn’t have been the one to kiss him first.
“I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding another girl to watch the sunset with,” I mutter, trying to keep my tone casual and playful, even though the words are like shards of glass coming up my throat.
Graham doesn’t say anything, but I can feel the weight of his gaze on the side of my face, and his fingers in my hair pause. I’m sure it’s true—he won’t have trouble finding someone to take my place, here in this field—but maybe I shouldn’t have said it, because the air around us feels tense and a little awkward.
Sitting up, I glance at him and gently tug on the front of his shirt. “Kiss me,” I murmur.
And he does…
And just like every other time, it’s magical.
His lips mold with mine, tongue licking into my mouth, and just like that, all traces of awkwardness vanish. Graham and I may have an end date, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy the time we have left. So, as I climb into his lap and his hands cup my ass underneath my skirt, I decide to swallow down any talk of what’s to come. And by the time his fingers find their way inside the front of my panties, I forget everything, except for how good Graham makes me feel.
Because that’s all that matters right now.
Everything else can just…wait.
