“Healwaysgets emotional when a new grandchild is born,” Gemma says.
“God, he’s so perfect,” Grace murmurs. Lifting her gaze to her friend, she adds, “You did so good, Char.”
Ellie Mae eventually asks to hold Baker, and as Grace sets him in her arms, with Charley behind her, I can’t help but get choked up. Pressure builds behind my eyes, my throat thick with emotion, watching my first baby hold our new baby. The love pouring out of Charley’s gaze as she looks at them makes my chest warm. Then when her eyes meet mine, I forget how to breathe.
My heart is so full.
Nothing could beat the way I feel right now.
34
Charley
“Such a sleepy boy,” I whisper as Baker fights to keep his heavy-lidded eyes open while he nurses.
It’s been a week since we brought him home, and I think I’ve spent more time admiring him than I have sleeping. I could stare at him for hours and it’s never enough. Everything he does makes me melt into a puddle. He makes the sweetest little noises while he eats. And god, the way he smells… I want to bottle up the scent so I can have it forever. Parents always talk about the new baby smell, and I never understood it until now. I’m obsessed.
“Mommy loves you so much, Baker. I hope you know that.”
Lying on the bed beside me, Biggie Smalls lifts his head, his ears back like he hears something, and a moment later, I hear Ellie Mae’s tiny footsteps barreling down the hall, followed by Graham loudly whispering, “Quiet, baby. They might be sleeping— Wait!”
I chuckle as she shoves open the door and runs over to us.
“Well, hi, sweet girl,” I murmur softly as she hands me a bouquet of sunflowers. “And who are these for?”
“For you, Mama!”
Every single time she calls me “Mama,” my heart skips a beat. “For me? Did you pick them out?”
She nods. Handing them to me, she climbs onto the bed before taking them back.
“They’re beautiful, sweetie. Thank you.”
My gaze flits up to where Graham’s standing in the doorway. We share a smile before he tips his head toward the hallway and says, “Come on, baby. Let’s get those in a vase, and then I’ll make you some lunch.”
Biggie Smalls follows them out of the room, leaving just me and Baker. He’s fast asleep and looks so peaceful. I can’t believe only a week ago, all of him was living inside my uterus. The fact that my body was able to grow and nourish an entire human being will never not amaze me. And that my body is able to produce the necessary food for him to survive in the world.
Breastfeeding has been…an interesting journey.
Baker had some latching issues in the hospital, which I’ve heard could happen with pierced nipples, but luckily, we’ve worked through that. My boobs are heavy and huge, and my poor nipples are sore as hell. It doesn’t help that I also have to remove my jewelry every time he nurses, which only irritates the area more. I have mixed feelings about nursing, and that will probably change once we’ve been doing it for a while and it no longer feels like I’m carrying boulders on my chest. On the one hand, I love these sweet moments with my son. Getting to snuggle with him while he eats, feeling so connected to him. But on the other, it’s hard—way harder than I anticipated—and exhausting. Being the only one capable of feeding him is a lot.
Poor Graham has been a saint, and he wakes up with me in the middle of the night when it’s time to feed Baker. He takescare of the diaper changes so all I have to worry about is nursing. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to getting a breast pump. Kudos to those moms who exclusively breastfeed for years. They’re now superheroes in my eyes.
A little while later, Graham joins me on the bed.
“Is Ellie Mae down for her nap?” I ask, keeping my voice quiet.
Holding up the monitor, he nods before setting it on the nightstand. “Sure is.” He gently takes Baker from my arms, cradling him to his chest. “Go shower,” he tells me. “I’ve got him.”
“You sure?”
“Of course, I’m sure, Sunny.” He flashes me a warm smile that hits me right in the chest. “This morning, before Ellie Mae and I left for the farmers’ market, you mentioned wanting to take one, so go and enjoy.”
Hell yes.I’ve been dreaming of a nice, relaxing shower since yesterday. Climbing off the bed, I pad over to the en-suite, but before I close the door, I allow myself a long moment to admire Graham and Baker. The way he looks at our son makes my heart explode every single time. I thought I loved Graham before, but it has nothing on how in love with him I am now. He’s been so helpful and attentive with the baby, he’s the most patient man I’ve ever known, and seeing the unconditional love pour out of him with Ellie Mae and Baker takes the breath straight out of my lungs. There’s just something so attractive about a man who is so effortlessly an amazing father.
For the most part, I enjoy the shower. It’s nice to feel clean when I’ve probably been wearing dried breastmilk and spit-up for the two days, but I’m also still incredibly sore, and I have to be careful when I’m cleaning myself. During the delivery, I tore a little bit and had to get seven stitches. It makes bathing and peeing uncomfortable. It’s not as bad as it was a week ago, butman, it sucks. Once I’m done, I dry myself off before heading back into the room to find some comfy clothes to put on.
Graham’s eyes lift to me as I open the dresser. “Drop the towel, Sunny,” he says in a flirty tone that makes me blush and roll my eyes.
