My hand moves towards my throat again, but I catch myself halfway and force it back down, curling my fingers into a fist at my side instead.
“I don’t…” I start, then stop. My tongue feels thick in my mouth. “It’s not just about that.”
It’s a lie and we both know it.
Chief’s jaw tightens. “Memphis came back. She and Killer worked their shit out. He’s been trying to make things right with you, too.”
“I know.” My voice comes out small. “I know he has.”
And he has been trying.
The gifts. The apologies. The way he can barely look at me without guilt written all over his face.
But every time I see him, my body remembers.
It doesn’t matter that my brain knows he’s sorry. I still freeze up every time he’s close to me. I can’t help it. No matter how hard I try, and trust me, I’m really trying. I don’t feel safe around him anymore.
I force myself to meet Chief’s eyes. “I just… I need to go. I need to not be a Cherry anymore.” I need to not feel dirty anymore.
“You know you don’t have to be a Cherry to stay here,” Chief says, his voice gentler now. “You can stay at the clubhouse and just be part of the family. You don’t have to fuck anyone if you don’t want to.”
Heat floods my cheeks. “I know. But I can’t… I can’t stay here anymore. I need to leave Jacksonville.”
Chief is quiet for a long moment. He removes his reading glasses and sets them on the desk, then rubs a hand over his face. When he looks at me again, there’s something in his expression that looks a helluva lot like concern.
“Where are you gonna go?”
That’s a question I’ve been asking myself over and over again, and truthfully, I haven’t the slightest clue where I might want to go.“I don’t know yet.”
“You got money saved?”
I think about the few bills I have tucked away in my sock drawer. It’s barely enough for a bus ticket and maybe a week in some shitty motel. “Not really.”
“Family?”
I shake my head. My family’s been gone for years. It’s just me.
Chief blows out a breath and leans forward, bracing his forearms on the desk. “Look, I’m not gonna stop you from leaving if that’s what you want. But you’re welcome to stay here until you figure out where you’re going. Take your time. Get your shit together. No pressure.”
That tight knot in my chest loosens, and all the tension I’ve been carrying around for the last week falls from my shoulders. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.” He picks up a pen and taps it against the desk. “I’ll let the brothers know you’re off-limits. No one’s gonna bother you.”
Tears prick at the back of my eyes and I blink hard, trying to keep them from falling. “Thank you, Chief. That… that means a lot.”
“You’re a good kid, Pinky.” His eyes roam over my face. “Even if you got shit taste in hair color.”
I touch my pink hair self-consciously. “You don’t like it?”
“I prefer blondes.” He waves toward the door. “Now get the fuck out of my office. I got shit to do.”
I nod and turn to leave, my hand on the doorknob when his voice stops me.
“Pinky.”
I look back over my shoulder.
Chief’s expression is serious again. “You change your mind about leaving, or you need help with anything, you come talk to me. Understand?”
