For possibly thefirst time in Adam’s life, the forest felt like a threat.He had always been aware of the dangers that lurked in any wilderness, from mudslides to parades of carnivorous ants, but going into the woods had still been like coming home.Which was funny, as he’d barely seen a real forest while growing up in San Francisco.The epic redwoods that had once stood across the bay in Marin had been stripped away years before he was born, their lumber used to feed the insatiable hunger of the gold rush.
The Dandakaranya was deeply, wildly beautiful.Tall, graceful trees whispered softly in the light breath of a breeze.Muntjacs darted through the undergrowth while parakeets soared among the branches.Insects chirped and buzzed while the sweet scent of flowers danced through the air.Green life teemed around Adam, fueled by the rich rains of the monsoon.
There would be snakes here.A rogue bull elephant could be a hell of a problem if you crossed it in the wrong mood.Malaria was a risk, along with flooding triggered by heavy downpours.
Adam wasn’t afraid of any of that.It was the forest itself that felt off, despite its undeniable beauty, like a familiar tune sung in the wrong key.
Or maybe it was Adam who was off-key.
The soldiers in Borthwick’s detachment weren’t amateurs.They kept up a hard march through the afternoon, covering miles of terrain—and all the while, Borthwick asked Adam questions.
Where he’d gone to school.What his father thought about tariffs.How his mother was doing.Was she involved in any charity work?Borthwick had a cousin who was friendly with her.Apparently, they went to shows together.
He wanted to know about Adam’s younger brother.What was Ethan’s role in the family business?How often did the two of them get to see each other?
Adam lied about all of it.He lied and lied, and every lie was like tearing the stitch out of an old wound.
That life was closed to him.He’d been booted out of it when he finally made it clear to his father that he could never pretend to be the man George Bates had wanted him to be.
Most of it, Adam had been glad to leave behind.
Some of it had hurt.
Borthwick talked about India.He complained about ‘rebellious tribes.’Called the Thuggee—the murderous cult that was ostensibly the reason for the existence of his department—a ‘useful exaggeration.’
“The liberals back home haven’t a clue what it’s really like out here.If we need to color things up a bit for them to stomach giving us the tools we need, I won’t lose any sleep over it.”
Adam had agreed that this was an entirely sensible approach.
“After all,” Borthwick went on, “we all know what we’re really after in this godforsaken place.Don’t we?”
Money,Adam heard George Bates reply inside his mind.
The seemingly casual comments were a test that Adam had to pass over and over and over again.He only succeeded because the situation demanded he play precisely the role that he had refused for twenty years of his life.
Refused—or abjectly failed at.
And every time he had failed, his father would tell him why.
Nobody cares what you really think.
Why can’t you take something seriously for once in your life?
Adam knew the script.He had always understood the expectations.He had just fought, blood and bone, for a way to be the kind of man his father could be proud of without losing some sense of his own heart.
It had never worked.
Adam made it work now by setting his heart firmly aside as he answered Borthwick’s questions and nodded along with his casual bigotry.
I’m doing this for a reason,Adam reminded himself.And soon—God, let it be soon—I’ll be able to stop.
Tents sprang up around him like mushrooms.As Borthwick was pulled into the logistics of establishing camp for the night, Adam managed to slip away in the hive-like business.
He burned with the urge to find Ellie.He needed to make sure she was all right—and that she knew he hadn’t meant any of the things he’d said while he was stitching up her leg.That he hadn’t wanted to walk away and leave her there.He had to make sure she understood that none of it wasreal.
But she’d already know that.This was Ellie.She’d understand that something was off, even if she didn’t yet know why—and she would keep trusting Adam in spite of all of it.
Even if part of him didn’t feel like he deserved it.
