“Yeah. Everybody’s busy at Christmastime. You don’t want toadd more to your schedule by shoving in a doctor’s appointment somewhere. I totally get it.”
“Yeah. But I don’t want to put it off.”
“Well, the doctor isn’t going to be able to do anything to help her. They’ll just give you some advice on how to handle things and what to look for and when she’s going to start needing full-time care.”
“When, not if?” she asked, and there was a part of her that was hoping, truly hoping that he would be able to tell her that once his gram moved in with them, she had gotten better and was better for a long time. But no such luck.
“Yeah. It gets progressively worse. They have a lot of good days and a few bad episodes, and it progresses to where she has good days and bad days, and then she has more bad days than good days, and then she pretty much never knows you.”
“Wow. That’s depressing.”
“It is. I’ve often wondered why? I mean, why is that the cycle of life, you know?”
“Wow. I’ve never even thought about it.”
“Yeah, I don’t know. I guess probably because of Grandma. But why does God allow that? Why don’t we just die? Why do we have to suffer and decline for so long?”
“Maybe it gives other people character by taking care of us?”
“Maybe. But we have babies for that, right?”
“True. And we spend our lives trying to grow closer to the Lord and becoming more like Jesus, and then at the end of our lives, we slowly lose all of our abilities and forget who we even are. I just… I don’t really get it.”
“Yeah.”
They were quiet for a while, and Nelly was partially astonished that Roland actually had a spiritual side. He thought about deep questions. Even questions that she hadn’t thought about. And he had good answers for them too.
“I guess in the same vein, I’ve often wondered why when a Christian couple gets married, they become one, right?”
“Right.”
“Well then, why does one of them die and the other one doesn’t? If they’re one, shouldn’t they both die together? Why does God want us to spend decades learning to live with someone, to love them despite their faults, to have a sacrificial attitude and love toward them, and have their marriage become like the relationship between Christ and the church, and then one of them dies, and the one that has spent decades trying to not just put up with the other one but love them, all of a sudden they’re alone. And they have to learn to be alone. If they were one, shouldn’t they die together?”
She had never considered that. And Roland seemed like such a happy-go-lucky kind of person, always laughing, always messing around, or else arguing with her, and giving her a hard time, making fun of her, being sarcastic. The idea that he was capable of such deep thought shocked her.
“I don’t have an answer for that. And I guess I have to admit that I’ve never even really thought about it.”
He lifted his shoulder like it wasn’t a big deal. “I guess I probably wouldn’t have either if it hadn’t been for Grandma. But she had been married, and Grandpa died, and that’s why she moved in with us. They’d been married for almost sixty years. And you could tell she missed him every single day. She’d grown used to being with him, putting up with everything that he did, and he wasn’t really an easy person to get along with if I recall correctly. But she had learned to love him, and she wasn’t the same when he passed away. I often wondered, why did she have to spend sixty years putting up with someone, learning to love them anyway, and then God takes them, and she has to learn to be alone again? I just didn’t get it.”
Nelly couldn’t believe that she was actually having a spiritual conversation with Roland. Roland, who was always sarcastic and goofy and funny, and made fun of her and argued with every word that came out of her mouth, actually had a spiritual side that wasrather deep, exploring questions she’d never even thought about before.
“I guess I don’t have any answers for that.”
“I don’t either. I suppose it’s kind of depressing, and I’m sorry. Although it’s something that I wonder about, because either I’ll die young, or I’ll go through what your grandma is going through. And I’ve figured out that part of living life well is preparing yourself for the things that you’re going to face and then facing them using the Word of God as your guide. I just… I’m not sure how to guide myself through that.”
Wow.
“That’s really good,” she said, feeling lame, after he said so many deep things, and she was just so shocked that she couldn’t manage to get anything out of her mouth.
“Anyway, typically staying calm, not arguing with them, and basically letting them do what they want, although giving calm suggestions, but not demanding, works best. Because usually when you demand, they get belligerent and refuse to do absolutely anything that you suggest. It’s best if you can kind of guide them and let them think that it’s their idea.” He held up the glass of water. “But I think the crisis is over for today.”
“That’s good advice. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”
Again, Roland was giving her advice, and it was good advice, and he was saying it in a normal tone and talking to her like a normal person. It was weird.
“I’m gonna take this in to your gram,” he said, nodding at her.
“I’ll be right in. She suggested I get a drink, and I felt like she was right. Thanks for talking to me. I feel better having spoken with you.”
