“Okay,” he concedes, shoulders dropping. He lifts his glass, voice lower now. “I lost my faith in justice. The people who are supposed to protect us are the ones who bury us.”
No one tries to lighten it. We raise our glasses and drink. That’s how the game works, I realize. You get something off your chest, no discussion, no judgment. A confession swallowed down with alcohol. My kind of game.
My gaze slides to Cade, knowing it’s his turn. He’s staring into his drink like the answer’s hiding in the bottom. When he finally speaks, his voice is quiet.
“I lost the first person I ever killed. Not their body, their face. Can’t remember it, no matter how hard I try. And that scares me more than remembering ever could.”
There’s still so much I want to know about Cade’s life and the years we were apart.
He leans back, smirking faintly. “I also lost the ability to take myself seriously. Cheers to that.”
The tension fractures as his laugh rolls through the circle, warm and contagious. We all tip our glasses back, the clink of glass against wood sharper this time, the edge dulled by alcohol and the comfort of knowing every one of us is carrying the same kind of scars. Damaged. Slightly deranged. But together.
“I lost the idea that beauty matters. You can paint the world gold, but it still rots underneath,” Aurora says with quiet bitterness.
I’m next. I stall with a longer than necessary drink, staring into the amber liquid before finally lowering my glass to my lap. I don’t want to meet anyone’s eyes.
“I lost the sound of my mother’s voice. I try to remember it, but every year, it fades a little more,” I say, staring at the bubbles forming around the edge of my glass.
Everyone lifts their drinks, and I’m grateful no one asks why I don’t reach out to her spirit. That’s a wound I’m not ready to pick open.
When I look up, Malachi is already watching me, his eyes dark with something I can’t quite name. Before I can unravel it, Alex clears his throat on my left.
“I lost my innocence the day I realized truth doesn’t set anyone free. It hurts faster,” he says. Fitting, coming from someone who can drag the truth out of anyone, whether they want it or not.
The circle shifts, all eyes turning to Malachi. I lean forward, curiosity swelling. He takes a slow breath, his gaze sweeping over each of us before settling back on me.
“I lost my faith in loyalty. Everyone has a price. Everyone except the people at this table.”
This time, no one simply drinks. Chairs scrape back, glasses rise, and one by one we stand, clinking our beverages together.
I glance around at their faces, at the rare smiles tugging at tired mouths, at the warmth pooling between us despite the cold world outside, and I know.
This is what I’ll cling to.
This is what I’ll remember.
The world has already taken so much from all of us, but it hasn’t taken everything.
And I won’t let it.
ChapterTwenty-Five
LOG TWENTY-FIVE – DISCREPANT OBSERVATIONS: COLLEAGUES DESCRIBE HER AS GENTLE, COOPERATIVE, EVEN INSPIRING. YET I’VE SEEN HER EYES WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS WATCHING. THERE IS NO GENTLENESS THERE, ONLY CALCULATION.
“I toldmyself I’d never fall for someone bossy. And now here I am, drunk, in love, and listening to you tell me when to go to bed like I’m a child.” I scowl at Malachi as I try to take off my shoes but wobble until he catches me and sits me on the end of the bed.
He kneels down in front of me and tugs off my shoes and socks one by one. “You are kind of cute when you’re tipsy,” he says, and I scrunch my nose at him.
I may have had a few too many drinks at the bar tonight, but I’m starting to sober up. Plus, we all raided the kitchen when we got back, and the bowl of cereal I ate is already soaking up the alcohol.
“I don’t want to go to bed yet. I’m not tired, and I think I like you bossy,” I tease as he starts to undress me.
“We don’t have to go to sleep, but I don’t want you tripping and falling over anything,” he says, and I giggle.
“I’m not that drunk. Plus, I have poor balance sober,” I tell him, and he nods, raising one eyebrow at me.
I pull the lacy nightgown he hands me over my head andthen enjoy the show while he strips down to his boxers. Once we’re both in bed, I curl into his side and savor the feel of him wrapped around me.
