Will Havers
Morning, Appleby.
I grin like a teenager when I see his name appear on my screen; there’s a hot pulse between my legs as I remember him seminaked in the moonlight. What if he invites me to his hotel room now? Would I go?
Anna Appleby
Morning…
Will Havers
Something’s come up. I need to get back tonight, sorry. Can I leave you my car to drive yourself home? I can leave keys at your B&B.
The disappointment is intense, as though someone has let the air out of the balloons I’ve been carrying around all morning. The disappointment is followed swiftly by anger—anger atmyself for feeling disappointed, for dolling myself up, for shopping for new underwear.I’m such an idiot.Of course last night wasn’t a big deal for Will. He probably does things like that all the time, while I’ve only ever been naked with two different men.
Anna Appleby
Sure. All okay?
Will Havers
Fine. Just need to be somewhere and a friend offered me a lift. I didn’t want to leave you stranded.
I’m surprised he isn’t telling me more. Does it have something to do with his brother, a job opportunity? After our conversation last night, this feels like he’s pulling the veil on his private life firmly back down.
“Are you buying these?” the shop assistant prompts me, reaching for the lingerie in my hand.
“Yes, yes, I am,” I say as brightly as possible. Just because no one’s going to see them, it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve nice underwear. I felt good wearing them; that’s worth something. Out of the shop, I decide to nip back to the B and B, so I don’t have to take a shopping bag to all my talks. As I turn onto my road, I see Will on the pavement. He must have just left the car keys at my reception. Something stops me from calling out to him, paralysis over what to say. That’s when I see her: a beautiful, tall blond woman standing by an Audi, car door open, waiting for him.
As he walks around to the passenger side, they share a joke, laughing before she gets into the driver’s side. So, this is the “friend” who’s offered him a lift. Someone who just happens to be his exact type. My stomach tightens, an unpleasant wrench, like my gut is being twisted.I’ve made a complete fool of myself.It’sbeen such a long time since I’ve felt attracted to someone. I forgot that when you have a crush, you’re opening yourself up to a world of disappointment.
Backing away down the street, I duck behind a pillar box to wait until they drive away. As I stand there, crouching out of sight, a shameful memory forces its way into my mind, a last-ditch attempt to revive my waning sex life with Dan. Lighting candles in the living room, sending the children to Lottie’s, opening the door in a red silk negligee. He looked right through me, muttered that I was going to “burn the house down with all these candles.”
I peer around the pillar box and see the car is gone, so I can walk across the road to the B and B. Right, new rule: No more flirting with Will. No getting sucked in by the eye contact and the stories about his broken heart and his tragic family. Thank God I stopped things when I did.
Once I’ve dropped my shopping back, I try to enjoy the rest of the festival. But as I wander between events, now I can’t help feeling that I’m miles away from where I need to be. Jess sends me a few selfies, suggesting she’s bored, while Ethan texts me from Dan’s phone asking what I’m up to. I’ve been looking forward to this weekend for months, and now that I’m here, I just want to be somewhere else—at home with my children.
—
Driving back onSunday, I discover the appeal of vintage cars. I can almost taste the engine as I drive, feeling the thrust of the gearbox in my palm, and I have to stop myself from speeding when I hit a stretch of open road. When I get home, I only have half an hour to spare before Dan arrives with the kids. Unpacking my bag, I shove my new underwear to the bottom of a drawer, not wanting Lottie or Jess to notice what I’ve been buying. Then I text Will.
Anna Appleby
What do you want me to do with your car?
He replies a few minutes later.
Will Havers
Can you park it outside yours? I’ll pick it up tomorrow. Thanks.
It’s so perfunctory and formal. Has something happened? Does he regret drunkenly flirting with me? In the sober light of day, is he revolted by the idea?
When the children get home, Ethan gives me a huge hug as soon as he gets through the door. Jess walks straight past me and up to her room. I take both these things to mean they’ve missed me. Dan rolls his eyes at Jess. “She’s such a teenager already, glued to her phone,” he says under his breath. “Sylvie says we should give her valerian and passionflower to help with her moods.”
“Is that something prescribed by a doctor or byGame of Thrones?”
Dan glares at me. “Sylvie knows about this stuff. She’s done a course in herbal medicine. We’ve got to try something, Anna, she’s not exactly a barrel of laughs to have around these days.”
