“What?” she asked, her voice high, defensive.
“Something is going on with you, I don’t know what it is, but I hope you’re okay.”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” she asked, clutching her elbows, bracing against herself, the torch in her hand shining toward the ceiling.
“I don’t know, but this weekend, it feels like you’re putting on a performance half the time. You bring your weird boyfriend, when no one ever brings plus-ones to these things—”
“They do! Lorna did,” she snapped. “So did Colin and Tali. And Rob isn’t weird.”
John took a small step toward her. His voice was soft, measured, his eyes intent on hers, as though he was trying to read the truth in her face.
“I don’t know what was going on back there in your room, but I know there’s something off with him. Richard sees it too.”
She dropped her gaze, then let out a forced laugh. “Sorry, Ididn’t know I was supposed to be taking dating advice from your dog.”
He stopped still, reaching out to put a hand on her arm now. “I’m just worried you’re in a relationship you don’t want to be in, that you don’t know how to get out of.”
“That’s not it at all. Rob’s just…different.”
“You’re not in love with him,” John said, and it wasn’t a question. He stepped closer, and she could feel the heat of him, steady and certain in the cool of the cellar. She didn’t have any words, only her breath, which had grown fast and shallow. His pupils flared. There was a hum beneath her skin, a pull toward him, an inevitability. She didn’t know what he was about to do, but she desperately wanted him to do something.
Slowly, he reached for her, one arm sliding around her waist, the other slipping up her neck, into her hair. It was so controlled, so excruciatingly slow, she let out a small groan, and then her fingers loosened on the torch, and she let it drop to the floor with a clatter.
Now, in the darkness, they both lunged forward, closing the gap; she found his lips with hers. The kiss was breathless, all-consuming, like a wave of heat breaking over her—she felt it in the very marrow of her being.If this was a kiss, then she had never been kissed before.But it was painfully fleeting, because just as she felt herself opening up to the sensation, John gently pulled away.
“Chloe, we can’t,” he said, his voice catching in his throat.
But his words didn’t match his actions, because she reached for him again, and as soon as she touched him, he pulled her toward him, hands firm on her waist as she clasped his back. His kiss was deeper this time. Chloe couldn’t believe how right itfelt. Like a key finding the correct lock. But then he pulled away again.
“Sorry,” he murmured. They both stepped back now, needing space between them. He reached for the torch, and with the light came sense. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.
“Don’t be,” she said. A red glow emanated from her wrist.
He sat down on an empty crate behind him, steadying himself, then let out a pained, frustrated sigh.
“Was it really just a game to you, the Imp?” she asked.
“No,” he said.
“What was it, then?” she asked. Though he’d put space between them, she could still feel the tension, like an elastic band, pulled taut.
“I think you know,” he said quietly.
“You liked me?”
He exhaled, sharp and quiet, then muttered, “Why are you torturing me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me, back then?”
“Because I knew you didn’t see me that way. And because…it didn’t end well for people who did,” he said, his voice tightening. Chloe felt more memories unlocking, how he used to wait for her when she was late for rehearsals, making it seem like a coincidence; the carol he wrote for her one Christmas; the tiny violin he made Aloysius. She’d imagined these gestures as sweet eccentricities he’d do for anyone, but perhaps they had only been for her.
“Oxford for me was just music and you, you and music. You were a song stuck in my head that I was never allowed to sing. Because Sean was my best friend, so who could I tell?”
For a moment, neither of them spoke. He glanced up at her, a pained look in his eyes.
“The Imp, your notes, they meant a great deal to me,” she said quietly. “I kept every one.”
For a moment, she glimpsed hope in his eyes, but then it quickly vanished.
