“Well, let me reapply my resting bitch face,” Ari says, waving her hand in front of her nose.
Ding!
Josh:Can I call you?
I need your take on this interaction I had with this yoga instructor.
I’m not sure I can accurately capture the tone over text.
Radhya zips up her other boot. “If you’re texting Cass again, I’m staging an interven—”
The aristocratic butler cuts in: “Incoming call from”—Ari curses as she fumbles to silence the phone—“Josh Kes-ten-buttpoodle emoji.”
At first, nothing happens. Radhya and Ari simply stare at each other.
Maybe the name was indecipherable with the British accent. Maybe she hadn’t heard it. Maybe—
“Is this a joke?” It’s like Radhya’s face hasn’t yet figured out how to accurately express this particular form of betrayal. “An ironic code name you use for someone who’snota toxic asshole?”
“Wait.” Gabe appears to be solving a math problem in midair. “ ‘Poodle’ who?”
“Don’t freak out,” Ari says, voice laced with panic. “I ran into him a few weeks ago—”
“Weeks?” Radhya turns to Gabe, as if to verify.
“—we commiserated over our depressing lives and—I don’t know…we just hang out sometimes.”
“You ‘hang out sometimes’?” Radhya stands up from the couch, wobbling a little in her boots. “With fuckingKestenberg??” She looks at Gabe again. “That’swho she’s talking to?”
His eyes ping-pong between them. “Wait, who?”
“He’s moving on from his asshole phase,” Ari says. “I think that if—”
“It wasn’t a ‘phase,’ Ari.” Radhya shakes her head. “I realize that all chefs who happen to be angry white men receive second and third chances, but I didn’t think he’d get the opportunity to redeem himself with my best friend.”
“To be fair,” Gabe says, holding up his hands. “Ari does have a thing for bossy people who think they know everything.”
“Stay out of it, Gaston.” Radhya shoots him an intimidating glare.
He backs out of the living room and steps into the kitchen to observe the argument from a safer distance.
“No.” Ari can’t come up with the right words fast enough. It’s easy to put his past offense with Radhya aside when he’s just a weirdly engaging voice on the other end of the line. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” Radhya cocks her head to the right. “What kind of ‘hanging out’ have you been doing? Because I’m pretty sure I’m the only friend without benefits you have.”
“There aren’t any benefits!” At least this is one answer where the truth isn’t the worst-case scenario. “None. Rad—”
“Is this why I haven’t seen you? Do you get how insulting this is?I’myour friend, Ari. Not him.”
“Then listen to me!”
For the first time ever, Ari briefly wishes she and Joshhadjust hooked up that evening instead of splitting a pizza. She could have snuck off an hour later, Radhya would never need to know, and they each could’ve gotten their first post-breakup sex out of the way with minimal fuss.
“If you wanted me to listen,” Radhya says, “why did you keep this a secret for weeks?”
“Probably because I knew this exact argument would happen!” Ari stands up from the couch.
“You always do this,” Radhya continues. “You deflect and avoid until things blow up and then you walk away.”
