A puff of breath shot from her mouth. “You mean besides the people who say I don’t belong because I’m female?”
He shoulder-checked her. “Yeah. Besides those.”
She closed her eyes and held still. Blocked out the sounds of the other tourists around her. Blocked out the raptor’s cry as it soared on an updraft above them. Blocked out even her brother’s breathing.
God.
The word was a summons, although she didn’t think herself so lofty as to be able to order the Creator of the Universe. It was a plea, her voice echoing in a cold and dark place, returning to her hollow and unanswered.
Like so many times before, she opened herself up and waited. Waited. Only, nothing but silence met her. No baptism of peace. No fire of conviction. No guiding light.
She opened her eyes and pushed down the wave of despair. In the absence of her Father’s words, those that had been spoken over her rang louder.
You don’t belong.
This isn’t your place.
You could never understand.
You aren’t qualified.
You’re too naïve.
Too sheltered.
You don’t even have a testimony.
Her nose tingled and her face heated as an onslaught of tears threatened to build in her eyes.
Too emotional.
She blinked back hot liquid and folded her fingers under her thighs. She couldn’t look at Michael. One glance his way and she’d lose her hard-won composure. Instead, she stared out at the horizon. From the vantage point of this castle built on a hill, she could see for miles. “I can’t hear Him anymore. Calling me to this purpose, I mean.”
“But you did once?”
She half-shrugged. “I thought I did.”
“So why do you doubt that calling now?”
So many reasons. “What if I was wrong? I’m not exactly the poster person for the job, Michael. I haven’t lived a life or done anything that gives weight to the idea that I am qualified. What if I only imagined hearing the call? What if it was my own voice and not His that I heard?”
“Okay, first off, are you one of His sheep?”
“What does that have to do with—”
“I thought you were going to humor me.”
Her trapped fingers started to tingle, so she pulled them out of their smashed position between the bench and the back of her legs. “Fine. Yes. I am one of His sheep.”
Michael looked her straight in the eye. “His sheep know His voice.”
John 10:27.Her heart knocked against her ribs. “But—”
“You sound like Moses.”
Her head notched back. “Excuse me?”
“God undeniably called Moses, but instead of accepting this divine direction, he started making excuses.”
