“And did you say anything? Ask him to stop?”
I look out the passenger-side window and pretend to be interested in all the different stores and restaurants we pass.
“I thought that’s what the outfit was for.” She points to the dress and brooch that make me look like a member of the USSEnterprisefromStar Trek. “You pretend to be someone else, and it’s the character receiving all the what-if questions or scenarios you worry people are thinking about you.”
“It didn’t work with him.” Although, why, I’m not certain. I was able to converse with all my other coworkers in a way I never had before. Some of them even shared their most cherished childhood holiday memories. I’d gotten the idea that if I had to wring Christmas for all its cheer, then I’d do it in a meaningful way to those around me rather than go off of some generic and contrived premade list.
“Hmm. That’s interesting.” Keri seems to be contemplating my words. Suddenly, her expression changes from contemplative to impish. She looks like Lucille Ball when she got one of her crazy ideas inI Love Lucy. “You know what you should do?” Her grin really does look a bit scary.
“What?” I’m almost afraid to ask.
“You should get Jeremy back for trying to ruin your tree. Muddle up one of his Christmas things, although he’s doing a good enough job of that on his own. I’m really glad I didn’t eat one of his cookies.”
My eyes go wide. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“For one, it’s not right. I could never stoop to that level to subvert someone else.” And the fact that I can never think of subversive things to do means I’d never be an effective saboteur. “For another thing, I’m not sure Jeremy’s intention was to ruin the tree. He was being more maddening than destructive.”
Keri turns down the street leading to Heritage Hills. “Is that why I saw you fraternizing with the enemy after?”
My cheeks heat. “He’s not the enemy.”
But I’m even more confused by thatfraternizing, as Keri put it. Why did Jeremy ask me for help? I mean, his design did need tightening, but he could have asked someone else. If his actions with the tree were cold, then sitting next to each other huddled in front of the computer had been warm. Very warm.
My skin flushes just thinking about it. Not only about his proximity, because I could literally feel the body heat coming off of him, but also because of our conversation. We ... talked. Like, really talked. More thanhiorgood morningorthank you. He asked me a personal question and I managed to answer him and then ask him one in return. And I didn’t want to shrink and blend in to the wall. It was actually ... nice.
“I thought you said you didn’t know if he was friend or foe?” Keri beams, and I feel a bit like an insect caught in an intricately woven spider web.
I let myself smile for the first time since starting this conversation. “Touché.”
Keri pulls into a parking spot and turns her body toward me. “Look, I think Jeremy Fletcher is still the same guy he was last week and last year and every day that you’ve been pining after him.”
I look away. I haven’t been pining. More like admiring from a safe distance.
“But he’s being forced to fight for a promotion that he wants, and that means things have changed. Just like they’ve changed for you.”
My mouth pulls down.
“You’re my best friend, and I love you. I have no doubt you’re going to figure all this out.” She opens her door and exits the car.
That’s it? That’s her advice, that I’ll figure it out?
Newsflash, people: I feel like I’ve been thrown into the deepend of the pool without knowing how to swim, and sharks are circling. Yes, sharks. In a pool. The ones I was irrationally afraid of as a child, thinking they came up from the drain at the bottom of the deep end. Call me overly dramatic, but that’s how I feel.
Someone show me how to backstroke, please, before I drown in my thoughts, made-up scenarios, and uncharted, confused feelings.
12
By the time I follow Keri into the lobby of Heritage Hills, she’s already found her favorite male nurse and looks to be in a cozy tête-á-tête along the wall. He’s looking down at her with a hint of adoration in his eyes, his bronze skin glowing under her pale hand where she touches his forearm. She laughs at something he says, the fingers of her other hand coming up to hover over her lips. Her admirer’s eyes follow the movement, his throat bobbing as he swallows.
How do they make it seem so easy? Flirting and talking when there are so many flighty emotions winging around in their chests? Keri looks practically giddy. If it were me standing there with Jeremy so close I could smell his cologne, I wouldn’t be able to string two coherent sentences together. I have the elevator experience to prove it.
I avert my eyes and clutch the book I’ve brought closer to my chest. For the most part, the day and the small step into cosplay has been a success. Though it was tiring, I connected with other people more than normal. It was just my interactions with Jeremy that leave me feeling like I’ve taken a ride in a front-load washingmachine. I don’t need Keri’s easy manner with the guy she likes to make me feel like I should be hung out to dry as well.
“Mackenzie,” Keri calls and waves me over.
I’m a bad friend because my feet are heavy as I walk toward her.
