He’s not the one who has been trying so hard to—
Nooooooo.
I blink, and I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face a second time, my cheeks stinging from reality’s left hook. That can’t be right. That cannot be what I’ve been doing.
Can it?
If my brain had brakes, they would be screeching right now, smoke in plumes billowing from the wheel wells. That organ in my cranium hits Rewind and then Play (because apparently my brain metaphors convert from cars to VCRs like some kindof knockoff Transformer) and I watch scenes of the day play out like a movie in my mind’s eye.
The immediate crescendo of awareness that built within me the moment Levi stepped out of his tow truck. I’d chalked up the tingling sensation that ran a marathon up and down my limbs to adrenaline and mentally thanked my body for giving me the boost of chemicals that could give me the strength to lift a car, or in my case, fight off a man the size of a car.
But what if I hadn’t reacted that way because of fear? What if I’d reacted that way because...
Oh, for hootenannies’ sake. Have I been slipped a truth serum or something?
I groan and slump farther down in my seat.
Prickles of awareness. Racing heart. Dry mouth. I had never been afraid of Levi Redding, the big oaf. I’ve been attracted to the man from the get-go.
Which also explains why I cared one iota about his reluctance and subsequent distaste of touching me. The rejection stung more than just my feminine pride. Normally, I would have laughed something like that off. Kind of like when a little boy wipes off his mother’s kiss at school drop-off.
Every time he pulled away, I just pushed harder.
I glance behind me toward his room again.
Until I pushed too hard.
It all makes sense. Except that it also really doesn’t. To be frank, Levi Redding isn’t my type. Line up my past flings and you’ll see a trend. David Kinner, Hudson Green, Isaac Bankston . . . All sweet guys with easygoing natures who liked to flirt and banter and tease. They all had ready smiles and crinkly laugh lines and aimed to fire a witty retort at anyone who’d verbally spar with them. They were all tall without being too tall and athletic without being too bulky. And, most importantly, they all were only looking for a good time. Someone to pass an evening with. Nothing serious. No commitments.
Levi is the exact opposite of all the men I’ve dated in the past. There is nothing relaxed or casual about him, no carefree air or warmth that draws you in. I haven’t seen him smile once, much less laugh, and heaven knows I’ve tried to get him to do both. He glares instead of giving flirty glances, and the man has the communication skills of a Neanderthal. To top it off, I bet he doesn’t know the meaning of the phraseno strings attached.
Sowhyam I attracted to him? It doesn’t make sense.
I sigh. Logical or not, I’m not going to embody the main character vibes of a heroine who refuses to acknowledge what’s right in front of her face. I can be self-aware enough to admit that I am attracted to Levi for reasons unknown—
He’s ruggedly handsome, my brain interjects helpfully/unhelpfully.He’s got that mountain man,rough-and-tumble protector vibe with hands so large andstrong they could—
Okay!I interrupt myself. One reason known.
And his eyes are unlike any you’ve everseen before. While he closes the rest of himself off,his eyes offer a glimpse to what’s hiding underneath.In their depths you didn’t find even a hintof capriciousness or provocation. They drew you in like—
Fine!I concede. Some reasons known. We can stop listing them now.
The point is, I can admit that I’m attracted to Levi, whether that attraction is logical or not. Spoiler: It absolutely is not. Furthermore, it is a terrible idea to act on said attraction when the person in question has made it abundantly clear they do not find you similarly appealing, and you are thrust into forced proximity with said person and must rely on their goodwill and hospitality.
And even if that weren’t the case, his serious demeaner is an issue. Even if this spark I feel was reciprocated, I couldn’t let myself go down that road. Not with him. There’s no way he’d be content with casual fun, and there’s no way I can be with anything else. My future—
Nope. Shutting that train of thought down right now.
Okay. Wow, that was a lot of processing. But I’m back to square one again. Back to needing to apologize.
I lift my head and am surprised—even though I shouldn’t be—to see that night has fallen. A large sliding glass door leads out to the back deck that hangs over the side of the mountain. It almost looks like I’m in a tree house, the way I’m eye-level with the top branches of the woods surrounding Levi’s house. Flickers of light in small specks dance in the twilight, reminding me of wood nymphs and lands of fairies. Reality is far less magical, as the flashes of amber light are coming from a smattering of fireflies no doubt searching for a place to huddle in furrowed bark or underground to survive the winter. When they reemerge in the spring to search for their mates, their lights will truly dance in a synchronized rhythm that would put any choreographer to shame.
I walk down the hall and pause in front of Levi’s bedroom. Unlike outside, there isn’t even a speck of light coming from under the door. It’s dark and quiet. Has he gone to bed and fallen asleep already? Even though it’s only—I glance at my watch—7:43? He must have, because the only other alternative is that he’s sitting in there by himself in the dark—not reading or watching TV or listening to music—and that seems unlikely.
I’ll just have to ask for his forgiveness tomorrow.
10
