Hayley,
There is no excuse for the way I spoke to you. It wasn’t right. No one should be treated with disrespect like that, and I hope that you accept my sincerest apologies.
Okay, wow. Can’t say I was expecting this at all.First off, written Levi and spoken Levi are two different Levis. I can hardly believe the same man who barely spoke more thanmonosyllable replies the day before is the same man who’s penned this letter. Also, disrespect? He’s being way too hard on himself. I never felt disrespected. He was just vocalizing his boundaries, albeit a bit explosively.
I wish I could promise that I won’t ever lose control of my temper like that again while you are a guest in my house, but I won’t lie to you. Chances are, my grip on my emotions will likely slip again. What I can promise you, though, is that I am trying. And whenever I fail, I will be quick to apologize. For whatever that is worth.
Uh, I’d say that’s worth a whole heap of an awful lot. Who of us isn’t failing at something even after giving it our best shot? It’s the mark of a person’s true character, however, when they can admit when they’re wrong and then try to make it right.
Maybe I should have warned you about my lack of people skills before you took up temporary residence across the hall, but I really couldn’t think of any other options of places you could stay. The thing is, unfortunately, I’m not verytolerant tolerableNo, I guess both those words are right. It’s hard for me to be around other people, and, consequently, other people find it hard to be around me. So, if at any point yesterday you thought to yourself that I’m a curmudgeon hermit, then you were correct.
I snort a laugh because those exact words had crossed my mind. Also, who would have thought Levi Redding would have such a self-deprecating sense of humor?
This is going to sound cliché, and I can’t even believe I’m about to write it because it’s something someone says duringa bad break-up, so obviously they aren’t words that belong between us, and yet they are the absolute truth.
It’s not you, Hayley. It’s me.
I can’t stress that enough. You did absolutely nothing wrong and, again, didn’t deserve how I treated you. I wish I could be someone other than who I am. Someone who enjoys people instead of getting agitated simply by being around them.
My chest constricts. It’s a good thing for him that he’s not here right now or I’d be trying to give him a hug that he probably wouldn’t want. No one should wish to be someone besides the person they are.
What is it about people specifically that sets him on edge?
Like it’s my favorite rerun, I play again the mental reel of the previous day. Him turning off the radio every time I asked a question instead of letting it play in the background. His aversion to touch. His insistence on me using his hygiene products instead of stopping by the store so I could pick up some of my own.
Sound. Touch. Smell.
I close my eyes and groan. I’m so stupid. No wonder he flipped his lid as I prattled on about inane Taco Bell facts. I wish I’d been able to see what was right in front of my face. I wasn’t putting Levi at ease at all. I was pushing him into sensory overload, the poor guy.
I look down at the letter in my hand and realize with a jolt that I haven’t finished reading the whole thing yet.
If it makes you feel any betterat all,know that,out of everyone I’ve everinteracted with,you are the most bearable. I really wish I’d written this in pencil instead of pen so I could erase that properly.
I laugh out loud at that. Has to be the worst compliment I’ve ever received at face value. Who wants to be simply bearablewhen words likeenchantingandbeguilingandirresistibleare right there, ready to be used? But I’m coming to suspect that bearable to Levi is high praise indeed.
What I mean is, instead of making me cringe, I like the lilt and cadence of your voice. Your laugh invites me to laugh too, instead of creating the urge to plug my ears. Hayley, you don’t give me a headache.
Again, with the flattering compliments.
My grin widens.
My actions are probably making you doubt my sincerity, but I honestly can only stand to be around most people for an hour or so and I lasted the majority of the day with you before I snapped.
When I wouldn’t shut up. His pleas for me tojust stopare making more and more sense.
If it would make you more comfortable, I’ll ask around and see if anyone nearby has a spare room or other ideas on a place where you can stay until one of the roads are opened again. Just let me know.
Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit. I’d figured I’d finished all my processing last night, but this letter is giving me even more to unpack.
An unbidden thought shoots to the front of the queue, and I’m grateful Evangeline isn’t here because she’d probably vocalize the blasted thing with a gleeful grin on her face, but...
Did Levi just I-hate-everyone-in-the-world-but-you trope me?
11
Ineed to get out of the house. Just sitting around is making me go stir-crazy. I’m a librarian, and there’s a van full of books sitting at the base of this mountain. What’s stopping me from doing my job? I can stuff a backpack full of paperbacks and go door-to-door or find a wheelbarrow to pile a selection of titles in and roll it down the main street for anyone in need of a good read. Who knows, maybe Levi has a directory of some sort in his office and I can call everyone in the hollow and tell them where the bookmobile’s new location is. Have them come to me. Levi can still work on Cletus—he only needs to have access to under the hood, right?—while patrons enter and exit in their quest for literature.
There’s no need for me to stay cooped up inside these four walls, overthinking things.
