He couldn’t wait another minute; he needed the pressure of her lips on his more than he needed his next breath. In one strong move, he gripped her elbows and hauled her body up his own, capturing her mouth in much the same way she was capturing his heart.
20
Levi braced his hands against the bookmobile’s body as he leaned under the hood and inspected his work. The new alternator gleamed in its place, the colorful insulation housing to the new wires he’d installed leading to their respective locations. Now that the issue of the vehicle starting and providing the electricity it needed to run and recharge the battery was fixed, he planned to make sure everything else was in good shape so Hayley wouldn’t ever find herself stranded again while on the job.
He checked each of the spark plugs, replacing one that had a blister on the insulator tip. He was surprised to find the timing belt still in good condition, but the radiator hose had a two-inch crack in it and definitely needed to be replaced before it got any worse.
The alarm on his phone dinged just as he finished tightening the last nut. He reached for the rag draped over the side of the van and wiped at the grease on his fingers before sliding his phone out of the pocket of his coveralls and silencing the alarm.
Time to head back up to the house to feed the kittens. He locked the garage and trekked up the mountain, wishing that Hayley would be there instead of providing what library services she could from the General Store parking lot. Afterthe storm a few days ago, they’d created a schedule. It made more sense for them to take turns feeding the kittens every few hours so they’d both have longer stretches getting work done. Admittedly, the plan had worked out well on a productivity level. He’d managed to get a lot done on the bookmobile and only needed the rest of the day and maybe a few hours of the next to finish getting it up to snuff.
What a bittersweet thought that was.
Hungry meows greeted him as soon as he opened the door, rising in volume and urgency as he padded into the kitchen and started preparing the formula that Shelby and Anna Leigh had provided. Bottle in one hand, he made his way into the laundry room. The kittens wobbled as they stood and tried to walk toward him on their unsteady feet. It wouldn’t be too long before they learned to use their tails for balance and started stalking and pouncing, playing with one another and with him.
He picked up Dumpurrdore, the gray cat almost in danger of tumbling off the side of the blanket and onto the hard tile floor beneath. “Woah there, little fella.”
Dumpurrdore meowed, his lips stretching wide, showing his razor-sharp baby teeth and scratchy pink tongue. Levi held him the way Anna Leigh had insisted and brought the formula up to his mouth. He repeated the process with Harry Pawter and Meowfoy, shaking his head at the names that Hayley had chosen, both charmed and amused.
Once all the kittens had eaten their fill, sleeping in a milk-drunk state, with their little bellies bloated, Levi gathered the mealtime supplies, stood, and turned toward the open door. His gaze snagged on an envelope that had been taped to the wall above the light switch, his name written across the front in Hayley’s familiar loopy script. A flush of pleasure washed through his body from head to toe. He deposited the bottle on top of the washing machine and reached for the envelope, clawing out the letter within.
Levi,
I hope you don’t mind that I’m writing to you again. I know it probably seems silly, but I like our letters and don’t want to give them up. Is that okay?
More than okay. He’d never held any particular desire for a pen pal, but now that he’d started these letters with Hayley, he didn’t want to stop. He still wanted to keep talking and spending time together, but these penned notes back and forth were almost like a secret portal into another world—direct access to Hayley’s innermost thoughts and emotions. He wouldn’t give them up for anything.
In your last letter, you asked me why I was in the hospital when I was a child. I could tell you wanted to ask again when I told you about why I was scared of storms, but you didn’t. Thank you for that. I didn’t have it in me to explain further then, but I’ll share more with you now.
When I was young, I went into acute liver failure. The doctors didn’t really know why. It’s just one of those things that happens without rhyme or reason sometimes, I guess. Anyway, it was touch-and-go for a little while. As you can imagine, my parents were really scared.Iwas really scared. The doctors were ultimately able to stabilize me, and the search for an organ donor began. I won’t burden you with all of the details of the in-between, but I did receive a liver transplant right before my twelfth birthday.
Levi looked up from the paper, stunned. Hayley had almost died as a child? There could have been a reality in which he never would have met her? Where she would no longer have made the world a brighter, better place to live in?
A keen sense of loss sliced through him, the injustice that some lives were cut short arbitrarily leaving him reeling. Inthat now-wide space that had been cut open, protectiveness rose up. He knew he didn’t have the power or authority to control things such as medical emergencies or who lived or died, but that didn’t stop the desire from growing within him.
He wanted to keep her safe, far away from harm.
Wait. Was she safe now? Did having a transplant mean that she wasn’t in danger anymore?
His fingers itched to pull out his phone and read everything the internet had published about acute liver failure and organ transplants. Life expectancy, risks, prolonged treatments, prognosis. He had a million questions burning him from the inside out and an urgency that he made himself tamp down. Nothing had changed for Hayley in the few seconds it had taken for him to read the last two paragraphs. If she wasn’t currently worried about her health, he needed to take her lead and not worry too.
How many times would he have to repeat that to himself to start to believe it?
Forcing his eyes back to the paper in his hand, he made himself finish reading Hayley’s letter before jumping down an internet rabbit hole of medical journals, WebMD, and Reddit threads.
I know we haven’t talked about us or had a define-the-relationship conversation yet. Is there even an “us” or a relationship to define? Are we two strangers who’ve become friends who sometimes kiss and comfort each other during thunderstorms, or are we more than that?
A growl crawled its way up his throat. Was she serious with this? He didn’t go around kissing random women. He didn’t go around kissinganywomen. He thought he’d made that perfectly clear. Hayley had been the first woman he’d ever kissed, and if it were up to him, she’d be theonlywoman heever kissed. His nostrils flared as he considered her not knowing where he stood when it came to her.
I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, if you’ve read those questions and had an instant reaction one way or the other. But ... and hear me out ... take a moment. Breathe. Things aren’t as simple as I wish they were.
Levi’s gut twisted. For him, it was that simple. For him, she was a walking, breathing miracle. A gift from God. If she didn’t think things were simple, then the complication tangled only in her mind.
Whatever the hurdle, he’d remove it. If she wanted him like he wanted her, nothing—absolutelynothing—would stand in his way.
You have to understand, receiving a new liver was a gift. One that I can never fully express my gratitude for or ever pay back. But living with an organ transplant—there’s a big question mark over my head that isn’t over everyone else’s. The transplant has given me more time, but how much time? I’ve already exceeded the statistical benchmarks of one year and five years. I count my blessings that I’ve even surpassed the ten-year mark. I’m closing in on twenty years. How much longer can this borrowed organ last? Not forever. They never last forever, Levi. I’ll either eventually need another transplant or...
She didn’t say what thatorwas. She didn’t have to. The edge of the paper crinkled in Levi’s fist, and he had to make a conscious effort to loosen his grip before he ripped the thing in half.
