Dr. Pender leans back and studies me. “Is that so?”
I squirm a little under his scrutiny.
“Before we go any further in this exam, do you have any questions or concerns you’d like to discuss?”
Now it’s my turn to study him. He always asks me this at every one of my appointments, but the way he poses the question seems different than before. “No?”
He sighs and nods. “Give me a moment.” Without another word, he exits.
I shift, the thin white exam table paper crinkling under me. I consider leaving Dr. Pender my own note letting him know an emergency has occurred and I’ll call and reschedule. No need to add the emergency is that I can’t wait another second to see Levi and tell him that I want to be with him fully, no holding back.
Before I can even begin to look for a pen, the door opens. Dr. Pender walks in, a looming Levi behind him.
“No one can accuse me of not putting the well-being of my patients first.” Dr. Pender grins. “You said you’d feel better if Mr. Redding were here, Hayley. Well, here he is. Feel better now?”
Levi and I stare into each other’s eyes. Can he see the shift in me? Every wall torn down, every door to my heart open to him?
“I can see that you do.” Happiness is laced in Dr. Pender’s voice. “Now, I’m going to ask again, and I want you to answerme honestly this time. Hayley, do you have any questions or concerns? About the longevity of your liver and what comes next if it begins to fail again, perhaps?”
His question is so pointed, so specific, that I realize he must have some insider information. The answer to why Levi is here begins to take shape. But the picture is still fuzzy. Even if he came to let Dr. Pender know of my fears, that doesn’t explain why he went to have his own blood drawn.
“Hayley.” Dr. Pender takes my hands in his, forcing me to give him my attention. “I wish you’d come to me with your concerns when you’d first started worrying, and I’m sorry for my dereliction in not anticipating such and providing you the information you needed to put your fears to rest.”
My gaze flicks to Levi before resettling back to Dr. Pender. “To rest?”
He squeezes my hands and glances up at Levi. “I’ll let you two talk.”
He leaves, and it’s just Levi and me in the room. I slide down from the exam table as Levi takes one long stride, eating up the distance between us. He cups my face and tilts it up, peering down into my eyes.
I hold up his note. “Is this when you explain?” I ask, emotion making my voice wobble. We both have so much to say, and yet, for me, I want to tell him everything in my heart without the use of words.
Levi’s Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “I’m having the doctor run some tests.”
I take a step back, and his hands fall away from my face. Blood drains from my cheeks, leaving me lightheaded. “Tests?” Tests means they’re looking for something wrong. I should know. I’ve had so many medical tests done. I rake my gaze over Levi, looking for any sign that he’s unwell. So many conditions aren’t visible to the eye, though. He could be dying, and I wouldn’t know.
I rush forward in a tackling hug, gripping him in a constricted embrace as if I can keep him with me by my physical force and sheer willpower. I will fight tooth and nail for this man. To be with this man. Is this how he’s felt all this time and I’ve misguidedly put reservations between us? I hold him tighter in silent apology, hoping he’ll let me make it up to the both of us.
His thick arms settle around my back, pulling me close in the safety of his embrace. “Not like that. Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He grunts. “I’m messing this up.”
I shift so I can crane my neck back and look at him but don’t loosen my hold. This position is not exactly comfortable, and I foresee needing a lot of neck massages in my future. He mumbles something under his breath, and without so much as a by-your-leave, he hoists me off my feet and settles me back onto the exam table. He hooks a rolling chair with his foot and drags it over, settling his hulking frame onto it so he’s sitting right in front of me, eye to eye.
His large palms rest on the tops of my thighs, as if he needs the physical connection between us at this moment as much as I do. “Hayley, there’s no reason why you can’t have as bright of a future as you want.”
I tilt my head, trying to make sense of what he’s saying.
“The tests I’m having them run, it’s to see if I’m a good candidate to give you a portion of my liver if you ever need it.”
A portion of his...
He goes on to explain living donations, and that even if he isn’t a match, someone related to me probably will be. There are still risks, as there are with any medical procedure, but the success rate and prognosis are both highly encouraging. It’s more hope than I’ve had in a long time.
My vision swims as tears pool. I remember Aunt Missy trying to bring up transplant science one evening when our two families got together for dinner at her house about ten yearsago. She’s always reading about new studies and possible cures for Tai’s asthma—some from actual medical journals but more often than not untested, home remedy claims—and I’d politely told her I didn’t want to talk about it. No text messages with links to cocktail recipes of liver cleanses or how basil essential oil is linked to improving liver health. In fact, I’d told everyone in my family that night to never bring up my liver or health in general unless I broached the subject first.
Have they known about living donations all this time and never told me because they were respecting my wishes? Could I have really saved myself years of uncertainty and denial if I hadn’t been so stubborn about clinging to my ignorance and perceptions?
“I want you to know, if we’re a match, my liver is yours without condition. I’m not doing this because I want you to choose me. I mean, I do want that, but that’s not why I’m doing this.” He looks down, breaking eye contact. “I know I’m not an easy person to get along with. I’m particular and exacting. Grumpy and strict. I’m not easy to live with and definitely not easy to love.”
My nostrils flare, and I reach out and cradle his rough jaw, forcing him to look at me. “That’s where you’re wrong, Levi. I have a feeling that loving you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do in my life.”
