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He shook his head.
She hadn’t even answered yet and she’d disappointed him. But how could she tell him how she really felt when they still hadn’t dealt with the heart of the problem? She had to say the words.
‘What if Sophia had lived?’
‘What?’ He looked confused. Blind-siding worked both ways.
‘What if her cancer had been cured and she’d lived—what then?’
He shook his head. ‘That would never have happened. Sophia’s cancer was already terminal. Nothing was going to change that.’
‘But what if it had? Would you still have married her? Still have had Annabelle? Would you have come looking for me at all?’
Her voice started to shake a little and she took a deep breath. She needed to be calm. She needed to be rational and not blinded by her emotions.
‘I need you to be honest with me, Alex. I need you to be honest with yourself.’ This was hurting more than she could ever have imagined. ‘If Sophia was alive today, where would she feature in your life?’
‘Don’t paint her as the villain in this piece. You’re angry with me because I married another woman. Just say it.’ He blurted it out straight away.
‘You’re right. I was angry. More than that, I was bitterly disappointed—even though I’d no right to be. But I don’t understand. If you’d really wanted to find me you could have. In fact, you did. You sent me those flowers. Why didn’t you just come and see me? Why didn’t you ever jump in your million-pound jet and come and find me?’
She was sounding desperate and she hated herself for being like that. But if it was going to be all out there—then so be it.
‘You didn’t answer my message, Ruby. I left you a message—I got no reply. What was I supposed to do? Search for a woman who didn’t want me to find her? Embarrass myself and put you in vulnerable position?’
She bit her lip. It was a reasonable reply. But it didn’t make her like it any better.
He kept going.
‘I thought my father was about to die. The things I’d been working towards were being thrust on me from a great height. I didn’t have time to think about it any more—I had to just do it. No wonder my father had agreed for me to study business. The country’s finances were in a mess. We were teetering on the brink of disaster. For the best part of three years I juggled finances, moved money, invested money, watched stock markets and persuaded people to come to Euronia—persuaded people to invest in Euronia. Most nights I got around four hours’ sleep. I was a mess, Ruby. I didn’t have time to sleep, let alone think. How would you have felt if you’d been around a man who was too busy to spend time with you? Too busy to talk? Too busy to sleep? What kind of a relationship would that have been?’
‘But you found time for Sophia.’
She said it so quietly the words were barely a whisper above the hum of the yacht’s engines.
Alex’s eyes widened and his response was immediate. ‘Sophia appeared just as things were starting to look up. She was desperate, Ruby. She was dying and she was my friend. Sophia’s illness brought me back to reality. What’s the point of taking care of a country if you can’t take care of those around you?’
She could hear the emotion in his voice. It was starting to break. This was it. This was the whole crux of the matter. This was the enormous big grey elephant in the room and it was time to smash it to smithereens.
‘So what happened with Annabelle, then?’
The words echoed around them. She hadn’t really meant to say them out loud. They’d come into her brain and out of her mouth almost instantly. It was cruel. It was uncalled for.
It was unintentional.
He sat back sharply—almost as if she’d thrust a knife into his chest.
‘You think it’s my fault, don’t you?’
She looked him straight in the eye. Everyone had danced around Alex. Everyone had chosen their words carefully. But this was it. This was the only way to give them a fighting chance.
‘I think that when Sophia died Annabelle didn’t just lose her mother, she lost her father too.’
She took a deep breath and continued.
‘You keep claiming Sophia was only your friend. And you can tell me that as often as you like. But your little girl is the spitting image of her mother. Do you think I’ve not noticed that there’s no photograph of her mother in her room? Do you think I don’t see that little fleeting gaze of something when you look at her? Don’t ask me what it is, Alex, but it’s there. I’ve seen it. Children pick up on these things. And I think Annabelle has picked up on it. You don’t want to be around her. She reminds you too much of what you’ve lost.’
She could almost see the shock registering on his face, but she couldn’t stop.
She pointed her finger at him. ‘I know you’ve been busy, but I don’t think you’ve been as busy as you claim to be. When I laid it out for you that you had to spend time with her you managed to do it.’
She was hurting him. She could tell. And she really didn’t want to. But it had to be said. She had to try and move them both forward.
‘She’s improving, Alex. She is. I know that when she’s around you, and around me, she exists in her own little bubble. But it’s our job to expand your daughter’s world in a way that makes her feel safe.’
‘This isn’t about Annabelle. Today isn’t about Annabelle. This is supposed to be about you and me.’
He looked stunned. Stunned that someone had challenged him on his feelings about Sophia. Stunned that someone was suggesting the reason his daughter might not be speaking was his fault.
It was only natural for him to try and deflect the conversation.
‘But it can’t be, Alex. It can’t be until you deal with this first.’ She kept her voice steady. ‘Tomorrow I’m going to find the nicest photo I can of Sophia and put it in a frame next to Annabelle’s bed. She needs to be able to look at her mother every day. She needs to know that there was someone in this world who loved and adored her.’
‘You mean I don’t?’
He was furious. His eyes were blazing. But no matter how much it made her stomach ache this was exactly what she had to do.
‘Don’t you get it, Alex? There can’t be an “us”. There can’t be the start of anything between us until you face up to your past. Annabelle wasn’t created in a dish. She wasn’t a test tube baby. You slept with your wife. You created a child together. Part of you loved her.’
She waved her hand.
‘Stop trying to tell me otherwise. I’ve accepted it, Alex, and so must you. If you want us to be seen together—if you want to kiss me like that again—then it has to be on the condition that you’ve grieved for your wife. It has to be on the condition that you can look at your daughter and love her the way you should.’
Tears started to roll down her cheeks.
‘This isn’t about me trying to decide if I want to be seen in public with you or not. I can’t even answer that yet—because we’re not there yet. It’s easy for you to put all the responsibility for this relationship on my shoulders. Because then you don’t need to think about Sophia or Annabelle at all.’
The tears wouldn’t stop. Her heart was breaking.
Alex’s face had crumpled. She didn’t have a single doubt that she loved this man sitting across from her. This proud, passionate, potential king.
It would
be so easy to get swept along with the wonder of the pink palace, Euronia, and a prince who’d come looking for her after ten years.
She wanted him for herself. She really did.
She almost wished she could take back everything she’d just said and walk through that door again and wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him.
But this would always have been there.
This would eventually have festered between them.
She wanted to be free to love Alex. And she wanted him to be free to love her. Things just didn’t feel like that right now.
‘This is killing me, Alex,’ she whispered.
He stood up sharply, his chair screeching along the floor. He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I need to think. I need to think about all this.’
His eyes were vacant. As if he couldn’t look at her, couldn’t focus.
The tables had turned completely.
He’d been telling her to take her time.
But the reality was after ten years it was Alex who needed to take his time.
She stood up and walked back towards the glass doors.
This time it was her turn to say the words. ‘Take all the time you need.’
CHAPTER NINE
FOR TWO DAYS he avoided Ruby.
There was too much to think about—too much to absorb.
Any time he was around Ruby he was drawn to her and wanted to touch her.
But horrible little parts of what she’d said were keeping him awake at night.
The photograph part was easy. He knew exactly which picture to frame for Annabelle. It was embarrassing to think he hadn’t even considered it before.
He—and the advisors around him—had just assumed that Annabelle wouldn’t remember anything about her mother.
He hadn’t deliberately kept her pictures away from Annabelle—he just hadn’t thought to talk to Annabelle about her mother.
She was playing in her room now. One blonde doll seemed to be driving a racing car around the furniture and over most of the other toys. She was making noises again—a brrrrmm for the racing car and a gasp as the doll plummeted over the bedcovers.
