Then I reached the last page.
There was Yejun’s headshot, taken against the beige background of the costuming department. His hair was black in the photo, but I recognized those dark eyes. I had seen them sparklewith gold when he laughed and glow like amber when he was angry. But in this photo, he only stared impassively ahead in a way that felt so starkly un-Yejun, as if I’d never met this person at all.
Because I haven’t, I realized, a strange coldness building in my feet and creeping up my body, like I was wading into a dark ocean. I’d met Kim Yejun the rogue agent who wanted to save the world, but that person didn’t exist.
I locked my phone and dropped my hands to my sides. The sea was rising higher and higher, filling my mouth.
No one is going to hurt you, he’d said.
No one except for him.
I sank to my knees, my legs shaking too much to hold me anymore. The ocean roared in my ears, my mouth stinging with salt—maybe I’d bitten my tongue, or maybe I really was going to drown in the sea of my own mind. Dragons were water creatures, but until this moment, I had never felt like I came from the cold and lightless depths of the ocean. Now I only wanted dark waters to drag me home, to bury me in white sand.
Hana’s absence yawned wider, as it always did in moments she should have been here. I imagined her fingers combing my hair, her warm hand on my back, her soothing words in my ear.
What does this mean for Hana?I thought, my throat closing up. If Yejun had made up Timeline Alpha to trick me, was there any hope of getting her back? I’d thought I could peel back Hong Gildong’s offenses one by one until everything was undone and Hana came back to me, but how was I supposed to find her now? The only person who had more information about her was Hong Gildong, and I couldn’t access his files.
Just this afternoon, I’d thought I was on the way to saving the world, and now I had nothing and no one at all, not even Hana. I had to start a war, or I would lose Hana forever, and Yejun would kill me if I ran.
I walked home, feeling like the cool autumn breeze was rushing straight through me, like I was made of silk.
My parents were already asleep since they were boarding a plane for Japan early tomorrow. I sat alone at the table, where the kitchen was mostly packed up in boxes that the movers would pick up tomorrow afternoon.
The door to my parents’ room clicked open and my mom stuck her head out.
“Mina?” she called.
“Go to bed, you have an early flight,” I said, not wanting her to see me upset.
“Do you want some cheese ramen?” she said, as if I hadn’t spoken.
“No,” I said, facing away as she entered the kitchen, pretending to be very interested in whatever was happening out the window. “I’m tired,” I added.
I waited for the sound of her footsteps returning to her room and the door closing, but she lingered a few feet away. “Are you okay, sweetie?” she said.
I swallowed, tasting the easy lie on the tip of my tongue.I’m fine, just stressed about school.But I was so tired of lying to everyone.
My mom frowned at my silence and stepped into the room, then sat beside me at the table. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she said, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.
I hugged my knees to my chest, wondering how much I could really tell her.Maybe my mom can fix everything for me, I thought, even though I was too old to believe it.
“My next mission,” I said at last. “The descendants want—”
“Wait, wait,” my mom said quickly, holding up a hand. “You know that’s classified, sweetie. You can’t tell me specifics. That’s between you and your mentor.”
My hands tightened around my shins. “I don’t care about that,” I said.
My mom sighed, patting down my hair. “I know it seems like there are a lot of rules, but they’re all in place to keep us safe.”
My hands tensed, fingernails biting into my legs. “They won’t keepmesafe!” I said, pushing her hand away. “You asked me what was wrong but you don’t even want to hear about it?”
“Of course Iwantto, Mina,” my mom said, frowning. “But it’s not about whatIwant. What’s best for the timeline is what’s best for all of us. You have to trust.”
Would you say that if you knew the truth?I thought, turning away and crossing my arms so she wouldn’t see my tears. But I didn’t need to ask, because I knew the answer. They had already lost one daughter to the timeline, and they didn’t even miss her.
“I’m going to bed,” I said, pushing out my chair and snatching my bag off the floor.
“Okay, honey,” my mom said hesitantly. “I love you, Mina.”
