Weaponsmaintenance was tedious.Wemostly polished the practiced swords to prevent rust, but the small repetitive motions had my arm on fire, and despite my best efforts, tears leaked from my eyes, if only in frustration.Kaleos, gods bless him, mostly stayed silent as we worked.
Thatwas until my rag slipped andIlurched my arm, sending pain radiating.Idropped the sword and clutched my scar. “Itold the commander it was too soon to have you out here.Weall saw you when you came out of the ocean.Weall thought you were dead.”
“Sorryto disappoint.”
IheardKaleos’ sword smash to the ground. “Don’tdo that.”Iwas shocked to find his normally handsome, happy face marred by anger. “Don’tact like your life doesn’t matter.”Ididn’t know what to say, which he took as an invitation to continue.
“Iremember whenIfirst joined the army, it wasn’t for the right reasons.Ifelt the same way, that maybe the best thing to do was go out in a blaze of glory.Itmade me a strong fighter, one of the best, becauseIdidn’t have any fear.What’sto fear when you want to die anyway?” he sighed.
“Butliving like that isn’t living, and it makes you weak in ways you can’t realize until you are outside of it.Iwas lucky.Avlyn—the cohort—they helped me see, helped me seeIwas worth more than whatIcould sacrifice.IwishIcould do that for you.”
“Youdon’t know me,Kaleos.Idon’t want to die.”Notanymore.Butthe memories of the sleeping potion from the other night still curled its dark tendrils through me, a deadly promise.
“Don’tI?Iknow that youhandle a sword better than most soldiersI’veever trained with.Iknow that you tell hilarious stories if you don’t get distracted.Iknow thatIwould never stand between you and a sweet treat.”Hegrinned for a moment, but his face dropped to something more serious. “Iknow you would sacrifice yourself to save those you think need protecting, andIknow that deep hurt in your eyes,Tori, becauseIhad the exact same one for a long time.”Icould feel the tears rising up, andIturned away so he wouldn’t see.
Iasked him, “Whathappened,Kaleos?”
Hesighed again.Iwanted to let it drop, let the sadness and vulnerability pass me by like this conversation had never happened, butIfelt my inner voice rise up, like he was wrapping his arms around me, andIfelt safe.Youcan do this.Youcan be brave.
Ireached out, and gently set my hand onKaleos’ back.Itseemed the physical contact was what he needed.
“Igrew up on the edge of the kingdom with my mother, a fae, and my human father.Wedidn’t have much, but it was enough, and we were happy.Iremember being happy.“Hepaused, “Thenone day, she was just gone.Nonote, nothing.Iblamed myself for a long time.Ithought maybeIwasn’t good enough,Ithought about whatIcould have done to make her stay.Itrained,Ibecame a soldier,Iguess to proveIcould be strong.ButIwas so fragile.”Ifelt his breath hitch, andIwrapped my arms around him.Well,Itried.Hewas too bulky for me to really achieve it.
Buthe smiled then, “LikeIsaid,Ifound the cohort,Ifound a family andIlearned to live again.Ieven found this annoying fae sister who can’t seem to keep herself out of trouble.”Thatwide grin was back, but it was like he had punched me right in the chest.Icouldn’t hold his gaze.
“Kaleos,I–”
“Look,Iknow it's complicated.Maybeyou don’t even want to be here.Butknow that we want you to be here.”
“I’msorry.I’msorryIworried you.”
“Justdon’t do it again, alright?” he was still smiling.Howcould he do it?Howcould he forgive me so easily?Howcould he hold enough happiness for all of us, even inside that massive body?
“Youknow,Ithink you might be the bravest personIknow.”
Hegave me another congenial laugh, “Notbrave enough to face the king should anything ever happen to you again.”
“Whatdoes he have to do with this?”Kaleosshot me a very knowing look, andIaverted my eyes again.
“JustknowI’mnot getting friendly with youjustto get in my future queen’s good graces.”
“That’snot going to happen,Kaleos.”
“Mm-hmm.”Iknew he was still staring at me, but luckily, the commander saved me from this line of conversation.
“Idon’t see much polishing going on over there!”Avlyn’sshout smacked us both up the back of the head.Weboth quickly moved back to our work.
“Idon’t thinkAvlynwill be forgiving me any time soon.”
“Givethe commander some time.They’vebeen overprotective of the king for as long asI’veknown them.GuessIcan’t blame them, the king did practically raise them ever since they were found here.”Iraised an eyebrow atKaleos.
“Maybeit’s not my place to say, but it’s not a secret, so…well whenAvlynwas a baby, they were found right here on this beach in a basket, washed up to shore.Theynever knew where they came from, but it seems the army took them in as their own.”
Ipeered over atAvlyn, their tall form looming over the rest of the soldiers on the beach.Itmade me think of the memory of them sitting onAbraxas’ shoulders, watching the troops train, andIremembered how muchIdidn’t know.
ButKaleosandIresumed our work, an easy silence between us.Ifelt a piece of the armorIhad held around my heart slip away, andIdidn’t even try to pick it back up.
Chapter44
