Ipeered out to seePrinceJunseated near the balcony’s edge, even more birds crowded his shoulders and hair.Theysang as if encouraging him to do the same, but his mouth stayed closed, and he gave them a sad smile.
Icarefully stepped out into the open air, but the birds still rose in a flutter of wings as they fled from my presence.Junstood.
“Towhat doIowe the honor,KingAbraxas?”Ifhe was surprised to see me, he didn’t show it.Iwaved my hand to dismiss the formality.
“Iapologize for scaring away your… friends.Ididn’t mean to intrude.”Myvoice was so soft it even surprised me.
Heoffered a small smile, a hint of warmth in his eyes. “Noapology necessary.Theycome and go as they please.”Icould see how so many had fallen in love with him.Hewas like the first blossom of spring, gentle and radiant.Itwould be easy to want to protect him, butIhad learned my lesson withTori.Sometimes, protection was nothing more than a cage;Icould see howJunhad suffered for it.
“Justas you can,YourHighness.”
Hefurrowed his brows. “Idon’t thinkToriwould like that.”
Hewas correct, but my sweet mate suffered from the same overprotectiveness thatIneeded to fight as well. “No,Idon’t think she would, but she would not stop you.Shewould understand.”
Darknessfell overJun’sface. “Idoubt that.”
Theair was quiet, the hush that precedes a storm, and it seemed fitting for our conversation.
“Yoursister is like a tempest, violent and seen from milesaround.Ilove her all the more for it.Butyou,Ithink you are more like me.Yourrage simmers deep below the surface, a molten pool that will eventually no longer be able to be contained, to disastrous results.”
“No,Idon’t harbor anger.Ithas just never lingered in my heart.AllIfeel is sadness, like a great wallowing pit trying to suck me under.It’sharder some days than others to tread those waters, but havingPallasandTorinearby helps.”Helet out a long sigh. “Inever knew how to fight.I’mnot likeTori.Butthat doesn’t meanI’mhelpless.”
“Whatyou did during that battle wasn’t the actions of someone who doesn’t know how to fight.”
“PerhapsIshould sayIhave neverdesiredto fight.Idon’t think she’s ever understood that.”Isaw it there, that space between them.
“Sometimesthose who love us most know us the very least, especially when it’s family.”
Atthis,Junsaid nothing.
“Iknow there are many who care for you deeply, but sometimes that makes it harder for them to see the wound and bleed with you.Shouldyou need someone who is more removed…Iam here.”
IthoughtIpushed too far.Ihardly knew this man, even if he was now some of the only familyIhad.Iturned to leave when he spoke again.
“IwishIcould talk to her, toTori.Itis whatIdid for two hundred years.Now…the silence is unbearable, andIknow it hurts her.Idon’t think she will ever forgive me for that.”
“Ihave done more unforgivable things in my life thanIcan count.ThingsIknowIwill not be forgiven for.Yoursister knows them, and she loves me still.Sheaccepts me with those scars.Shewould do the same for you.”
“Shenever knew youwithout them.”
“Doyou truly think she would shy away from your scars?Youmay have no desire to fight, butIknow she does, and she would fight for you.Shealready has, recklessly.”
Atthat,Jun’smouth twitched into the smallest smile. “Thatsounds like her.”Hesighed again, butIsaw a dam inside him break. “Singing, music, it used to be everything to me.Itwas my life, my joy.Butnow,Ican’t even pick up a harp.Everynote is just a reminder of his touch, of the pain.Whenhe collared me, it was like he ripped the music out of me, andIcan still feel the scratches where it held on, trying to stay inside.Andnow it’s gone, and there is nothing left but scars.”
Jun’svoice croaked, and he hid his face in his hands. “Whathe did to me, that was terrible.Butthis is worse.It’slike he’s stolen my very soul.Idon’t know ifI’meven me anymore.Torican see it.Iknow she does.Isee how she wishesIwas just the brother she knew inNiataagain.ButIdon’t thinkIcan ever be him again.”
Movingcloser,Isat down beside him, careful to maintain a respectful distance. “Idon’t think you will ever be that man again,Jun.”Hepulled his face up to look at me. “Life’smost painful events change us irrevocably.It’snatural to grieve for the person you were before, but it's also necessary to let that person go to embrace who you are becoming.”
Hedidn’t say anything for a second, letting his gaze drift to the floor again. “Andwho is that?”
“Perhapssomeone who can harbor anger.”
Helooked at me likeIhad spoken the impossible.
“Forfive hundred years,Iwas stagnant.Ilet my anger trap me in place.Ilived, butItoo felt as if it was with my soul ripped out.ThenIwent toNiata…Yoursister, she has changed me completely.Sheallowed me to be reborn in more ways than one.”
“Butthat’s a beautiful thing, what the poets write about in songs that last through time.”
