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‘Did he say where he was going?’
The security guy shook his head. She walked back through to the office and picked up her bag. She’d arranged to admit three patients to one of the hospitals. Her medical instincts were overwhelming. She should go and speak to the staff about treatment plans, review their conditions.
One of the patients had been someone Sullivan had assessed. It could be that he’d decided to go and follow up. But in her heart of hearts she knew he would have spoken to her if that had been his plan.
She climbed into the car outside the clinic. ‘Take me back to the palace first. I’ll go the hospital later.’
The driver nodded. She couldn’t sit still. Her hands were shaking. She needed to speak to Sullivan. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. She wanted to tell him she would be by his side the whole time.
By the time she reached the palace she could barely breathe. She ran inside and upstairs to where his apartments were. From the end of the corridor she could see the open door.
Her heart thudded in her chest as she reached the bedroom. This time the cupboard doors were open. His suit and dress uniform were still hanging inside. The drawers in the dresser were empty, the bathroom bare.
Bile rose in the back of her throat.
Arun appeared at her side. ‘Princess, is something wrong?’
She spun around. ‘Where is he? Where has he gone?’
Arun winced. She could tell by one look that he knew everything.
He spoke carefully. ‘He said he had something to deal with. Something he had to deal with on his own.’ His voice softened. ‘He’s gone, Gabrielle. I’m sorry.’
She stepped back. It was the first time Arun had ever just called her by her name. He’d always used her title before.
She could see the sympathy on his face.
Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn’t do this without Sullivan. She didn’t want to do this without him.
She clenched her fists. Andreas. This was all his fault. It wasn’t enough that he’d tried to destroy their country. Now his behaviour could ruin her relationship with the man she loved.
She sucked in a deep breath.
No. No more.
Tears poured down her face. This wasn’t really about Andreas.
This was about her.
She should have acted sooner. She should have told Sullivan how she felt about him. Asked him how he truly felt about her.
But now she knew.
The love she had in her heart for him wasn’t echoed in his. Or, if it was, he still didn’t want to be here with her.
He’d left with no explanation. He’d known she was busy. He hadn’t even taken the time to talk to her.
But was that true?
He’d seen her on the phone. She’d been so overwhelmed she hadn’t realised that those were the few seconds she’d really needed to break the call and talk to him.
Whether she’d meant to or not, she might have pushed him away.
She looked out of the window at the city below her. How on earth could she rule all of this? Her heart had hoped that Sullivan would be by her side. All the insecurities she’d had before were now bubbling to the surface.
It was time for her to take stock. To take charge.
To prioritise. She had to sort out her country. She had to function and serve as Head of State. It was time to fulfil the role that she’d inherited.
She watched the movement in the view below her. In a city full of people she’d never felt so alone.
She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks.
Alone.
The ache in her heart would never lessen.
She couldn’t walk away from her country.
It seemed she had to walk away from her heart.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TWENTY HOURS LATER he was beyond exhausted.
Stepping off the plane at almost four in the morning, Oregon time, he couldn’t figure out if he should be awake or asleep.
The drive from the airport took just over an hour. The suburbs disappeared quickly, replaced by the rolling hills, greenery and trees he’d been so used to.
His stomach lurched as everything grew more familiar. Even though the temperature in the car hadn’t changed, all the tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.
As he ventured down the long drive he closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds. He just knew. He just knew as soon as he rounded the corner what he would see.
The traditional detached five-bed house sat on the edge of the scenic three-acre lake. The Cape Cod styled home with its wraparound porch and large single deck had a panoramic view of the lake, its large windows glinting in the orange sunrise. A three-stall horse barn with tack room and fenced pasture was behind the house, leading off to riding trails. It didn’t matter the stalls had been empty for more than five years; if he breathed in right now, his senses would remember the smell. On the other side of the acreage was an orchard. Even from here he could see that his neighbour had kept good care of it after their handshake a few years ago.
As the car got closer, the details became clearer. The fishing dock at the front of house. The fire pit with custom pavers. The traditional dark wood door.
Perspiration started to trickle down his spine as he swung the car up in front of the house. He didn’t want to get out. He didn’t want to go inside.
His hands clenched the steering wheel and he just breathed. In. Out. In. Out.
The last time he’d actually gone to the diner just down the road and sat there for hours and hours. He’d eaten lunch and dinner, then nursed a cup of coffee that hadn’t even been that good before he’d finally taken the road home under cover of darkness. He was tempted to do it all again today.
Gabrielle’s face flashed in front of his face.
It was enough to make him open his eyes. He stared at one of the windows in the house. The pale yellow drapes moved a little. Was someone inside?
Before he knew it he was out of the car and trying the front door. It didn’t open. He rattled it. Then pulled the key from his pocket, turning it swiftly and stepping inside.
Silence. A waft of vanilla and peach. This wasn’t the normal aroma of the house. Wood polish was what he remembered.
He looked around, holding his breath.
The sun was rising higher in the sky, sending a beam of light streaming through the window. Each window had a stained-glass inset at the top, and shards of shimmering green, purples and reds lit up the white walls around him.
Each footstep on the wooden floor echoed along the hallway. His head flicked from side to side, listening to the silence.
He strode through to the main room, eyes fixing on the curtains. There was still a tiny flicker of movement left in the yellow drapes. The room looked untouched. Comfortable cream recliners and sofas with wooden frames. Familiar paintings on the wall. If he closed his eyes right now he’d see his father sitting in his favourite chair.
His skin on his right arm prickled. He felt air. A breeze, carrying in the smell of peaches and vanilla from the orchard outside.
He turned and strode through to the kitchen. There. A small hopper window was open at the back of the house near the orchard, letting fresh air into the room. His finger ran along the counter top and he frowned as he looked at it.
Clean. No dust.
What the...?
Something washed over him. A realisation. When he’d shaken hands with his neighbour about the orchard he’d handed over an emergency key, just in case of fire or flood. Matt’s wife, Alice, obviously occasionally looked over the place. They were a kind-hearted young couple who’d moved here with their kids to build a new life. His dad had liked them immediately. He would have to say thank
you.
He stared about him. The maple staircase was almost beckoning. Calling him upstairs. His muscles tensed. So many memories were all around.
He moved to the foot of the stairs and rested his palm on the hand rail. His body jerked. An involuntary action. As if someone had just stuck their hand through his chest and grabbed hold of his heart with an icy grasp.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
He started whispering the mantra out loud that was echoing around his head.
