“Words hurt, Luke,” she told me with a mock pout, poking at me until I made room on my bed for her. This day just started and it already sucked so much.
“When Rose comes back and you have to share a room with her, that is so going to suck for you.” That was the only thing brining me comfort. Of course, it also meant I’d have to share a house with Rose. That was less comforting. At least she wasn’t giving up deodorant anymore.
“I’m looking forward to living with Rose,” Lydia said, sounding like someone who had never lived with Rose before. I closed my eyes again, stubbornly trying to block her out even though I could feel her right next to me. “Shame she’s studying abroad.” She sounded sincere. Annoying. “We planned a lot of things we could do together to drive you crazy. Like a lot,” she emphasized. “A lot. A lot.”
I groaned. “Thanks for stopping by, Lydia.” Could I smother her with my pillow?
She seemed way more awake than me, so she’d totally have the upper hand in a fight. Another annoying thing.
Lydia poked me in the side. God, I already made room for her! What the hell? I opened my eyes and tried to give her a very pissed off look, but she was shoving her cellphone into my face. “Read this,” she ordered.
This wasn’t going to end until I gave in and I did have to get up and go to work eventually too. Again, even though it had just started, I already wished that today could just start over. Maybe it would go better the second time. Then again, if we were taking today back, then let’s take last night back too.
Maybe that would go better the second time too. It pretty much had to.
I groaned and yawned, stretching and sitting up in my bed, running my hands over my face a few times before taking the phone from Lydia. I read the first few messages and banged my head on the wall behind me. That was the most satisfying thing that had happened all day, so I did it again for good measure.
Today? Today could go straight to hell.
Do you think Luke’s dirty talk included baseball terminology? There were a bunch of examples Lydia included but Alicia got stuck on ‘choke up,’ calling it vulgar. No, it’s about the grip on the bat! Lydia had texted.
Lydia helpfully swiped down, so I could keep reading with her eyes on me the whole time. Personally, I wonder how many times Ryan accidentally said his own name, Alicia had sent her. None, though at one point I think I heard him muttering, I don’t know, the Declaration of Independence or something.
What could have gone so wrong? Lydia wondered.
Ryan was involved. Alicia’s text might technically be true but it made me frown anyway.
“Yeah, this is great and all,” I told Lydia. “But I’d rather be doing anything else.” Even having terrible sex again. Wait, work. I had work. Lydia kept forcing the phone on me.
Still, Luke’s conventionally attractive, the message from Alicia continued. Ryan seems to like that. Even though he looks a little like a Ken doll. Oh, maybe that’s the problem. Those kid’s toys aren’t at all anatomically correct.
Okay, now I had a comment. “I knew Alicia had to be meaner than how she always seems.” I rarely heard her say mean things out loud. Then again, it’s not like there were many mean comments left by the time Ryan, Lydia, and Zach were done saying them.
“Yeah,” she agreed like it should be obvious. “Because why else would I like her?” Yep, that’s what I thought.
Lydia looked at the screen of her phone for a second. “Oh, that was the wrong part. This is what I wanted you to see.” Lydia apparently moved the phone to the right place this time, but I wondered if this was the point, subjecting me to all this mockery while pretending there was a legit reason. Doing it so early in the morning when I had other places to be was a nice touch. Really hadn’t seen it coming.
Could anything be worse? Lydia texted. I would kill myself.
I rolled my eyes and got out of bed. “Cool, Lydia—"
“No, below that.” I was going to ignore her, but her voice sounded different.
I looked at what she wanted. It said, Look on the bright side, no way our first time could be that awkward. From Alicia, sent around 2 A.M.
Should have trusted my gut and ignored her. First, she wanted to mock. Then she wanted to gloat. Just great.
I moved to grab clothes for the day, distractedly talking to Lydia while I did. “Suicide for me and getting laid for you? Good stuff.” I sniffed the pants I found. Smelled clean enough. “Not sure it’s an appropriate joke though, given all the hardships members of the LGBTQIA community face and the increased risks we have for mental health issues.”
I opened my door so I could go into the bathroom and change if she didn’t leave, but I turned back to her and gestured, wordlessly telling her that she was free to get the hell out any time. Also, I was pretty sure I got that acronym right. I deserved praise, not ridicule.
“Oh my god.” Her mouth dropped open for a second. “You sound so… un-Luke.”
“I don’t feel very Luke at the moment.” I was the mental equivalent of having my pants around my ankles and my hair on fire.
“Right and I get that,” Lydia assured me. “Things will get better, look on the bright side, put on a happy face, etc., support, support.”
And now I was being subjected to the worst pep talk in history. Until now, it had been when our baseball coach’s wife had her baby early right before a big game and the only sub on short notice didn’t even speak English but that didn’t stop him from delivering a whole speech to us in Portuguese. We lost that game.
